Calling of the Drive Core
by Stickki
Summary: Collection of one-shots turned into a whole blown story by public request. Emphasis on Tali and Shepard. Important characters as well: Thane, Garrus. Changed the rating to M for violence and language.
1. Need

**I always felt that the flirt scene with Tali and Shepard was a bit short. The idea has hanged in my head for a quite a while, so I finally decided to write it up. Turned out to be this.**

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"Wait a minute, it sounds like you are suggesting something Tali?", the Commander asked.

Tali felt her cheeks getting even warmer as she spoke.

"What could I possibly be suggesting?" she crossed her arms, took a half step backwards and tilted her head before continuing. She tried her best to look as confident as she could, but inside she felt disintegrating. Her knees buckled, her stomach rolled around, and her whole face burned.

"I mean, a young woman gets rescued by a dashing Commander who let's her join his crew and then goes off to save the galaxy?

Tali returned back to her normal position, but with head slightly lowered, her fingers fidgeting nervously against each other. She hoped that the floor of the Normandy could swallow her whole. She thought about running away and throwing herself at the drive core, but collected all of her courage, finishing the sentence.

"How could she possibly develop any kind of interest in him..."

There it was.

She had revealed her feelings for Shepard, kept hidden for so long that it felt like an eternity. Part of her wished that she could take her words back, but a larger part did not.

She wanted to know.

And there she lay; helpless, vulnerable and waiting. Waiting to hear his mocking laugh, waiting to hear some kind of dismissive remark or waiting for the worst: nothing. He could just turn away, and stay away. There were many horrible things in the galaxy, but that she feared the most: Silence.

Like now.

Complete silence.

She lifted her head slowly. Her eyes walked through his military boots, then his cargo trousers, his dark shirt and finally his face.

His mouth was a little open, brow slightly wrinkled and his eyes held a thoughtful expression.

As seconds passed, Tali feverishly tried to untangle the expression on his face, but failing miserably.

She was always considered a prodigy, a genius. Even among her technically-gifted people. She could open almost anything.

Almost.

Again, she thought about running away and throwing herself at the drive core. Since she could not slither through the floor, this seemed to be the most preferable option.

Suddenly, the left side of Shepards mouth started to rise, and formed into a slight grin.

Tali waited in horror to see if the grin turned into the mocking laughter she had feared. Drive core again entered into her mind, but Shepard started to speak.

"Well, Tali'Zorah", he chuckled, crossing his arms.

"What sort of an interest are we talking about here?" his one-sided grin became a full one, as if to illustrate his point.

"Is this a professional curiosity...", he continued, taking a step forward, shortening the distance between the two. His voice seemed to tune down at every word, and when he continued:

"Or a personal one?", the words were only a whisper. He had almost closed the space between them, standing right before her.

Oh.

She felt a wave of heat pass through her.

His face was separated from hers by only a few inches, and when she looked into his eyes, the grin had faded away, only to be replaced by a smile. His eyes were filled with something she could not recognize.

He slowly lifted his hand, palm upwards.

"Tali...", he whispered, and she took his hand.


	2. Knowledge

**Knowledge**

Crap.

A vicious left hook hit him to the stomach. He staggered backwards, trying to shrug off the damage. Two large hands grabbed the back of his neck, and started hurling knees at his midsection.

He managed to get his arms between himself and his assaulter's knees, but every shot still hurt like hell.

The assaulter's leg was pulled back again to hit him with a knee, but this time he was ready. Right before the knee landed, he grabbed the leg with both of his arms and pushed forward.

The attacker, clearly surprised, tried to remain in balance by hopping backwards with the free leg.

It failed, and the assaulter on fell to the floor.

Before the attacker could recover, he grabbed both of his assaulter's legs, lifting the assaulter's hips off the ground. Then he twisted himself, passing the attacker's legs and now was on the top of his assaulter.

He started to rain down punches, eager to return the beating he took before.

The attacker's hands tried to cover the head with both arms, but he knew that most of his shots still connected.

After every hit that connected, a sense of glee spread over him. He wondered how long his opponent could last, since he managed to land some very hard punches.

His thoughts were given an answer by a voice:

"Stop! Stop! I give up!"

He stopped after slapping his opponent to the face with a open hand a few times. A very large grin spread over his face as he got up, offering his hand to his human attacker.

Taking his hand, the human grumbled "Should have left you on Omega...", clearly annoyed with his slapping.

"Ha!", he laughed, while lifting the human up. "You couldn't even find a way out of this ship without me watching over you"

"If I remember correctly, it was some smug turian who nearly got himself killed the last time, and it was me who had to drag his ugly ass out of harm's way. Again", he retorted, with a slight grin on his face.

"I just wanted to give you a chance to play the hero for a change.", the turian shot back, shrugging, his mandibles moving in a amused fashion.

The human shook his head, still grinning "Garrus, you ass".

"You really had to slap me a couple of times after I tapped out?", he asked, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Yeah, and it felt really good", Garrus answered, mandibles still moving happily.

"Not to me", the human retorted.

"Well, your knees really took a toll on me. Don't know if I will ever look as good as I used to. Decided to return the favour."

The human mumbled something incoherent about how the turian looked like a trash can while again shaking his head, still grinning .

"I heard that..."

Ignoring the turian's remark, he continued "Whatever. But yeah, that was a good one", offering his hand to Garrus.

They shook hands and slapped each other to the back. Both men climbed out of the ring, and went to sit on a bench right next to it.

The human took a towel and buried his face in it. Garrus decided to try and catch his breath.

After a while, he started to turn his head around the room to see whether they were alone.

"What are you doing?", the human asked, looking at the turian.

After making sure they were alone, Garrus began "Shepard, I got a question..". He suddenly found the stickers in his sparring gloves to be very interesting, and also a good way to avoid eye contact. His voice held a tone of uncertainty.

"Yeah?", Shepard asked as he kept staring at the former C-Sec officer.

"There's this rumour on the ship...", Garrus kept fidgeting the stickers in his gloves.

"Yeah?", Shepard asked again, this time a little louder. His eyes started to narrow.

"I just...", the uncertainty in his voice was now very clear.

"Nah, it's none of my business", he said as he wove his hand, signalling to dismiss all he had said.

Smirking, Shepard remarked "That never stopped you before..."

Garrus thought really hard about whether to ask the question.

His curiosity got the better of him.

"I..uh..are you sleeping with Tali?", Garrus asked abruptly.

Damn. That came out wrong.

Garrus wanted to take his blunt question back, but before he could, the Commander spoke.

"Why?", Shepard asked, taking a large sip from his water bottle. He seemed to be only mildly surprised.

"I just heard this rumour that the two of you were...", Garrus paused, thinking about how to form up his question.

"...you know...", he continued, carefully pondering his next words "...easing tension in the engine room?"

Crap. Another metaphor.

Shepard started coughing, nearly choking on the water he was only seconds ago drinking. His cough faded away, and was replaced with a chuckle.

"_Easing tension_?", he chuckled with a large grin on his face.

Here we go.

"No, I am not _testing my reach or her flexibility",_ Shepard continued, intentionally emphasizing the last part, much to the turian's discomfort.

He had told Shepard about his '_encounter_' with the turian female scout, but the metaphor he had used to describe the situation was very cheesy and, well, embarrassing. Something Shepard had of course been very keen to remind him of.

Garrus's trail of thought was interrupted by the voice of Shepard. He was looking at the floor and all the grin had faded from his face.

"But in all seriousness"

"I think I like her...", he spoke slowly, as if he was pondering his words carefully "...maybe more than I should".

A barely noticeable smile resting upon his lips and Garrus merely nodded in response.

There was a long silence, as he tried to form his thoughts into speech.

The turian lowered his gaze to the floor before he began.

"She's not like us Shepard" he paused, slightly shaking his head "She deserves something better than this".

Both men sat there, quietly staring the floor.

The silence was ended by the voice of the Commander.

"I know", he said quietly.


	3. Realization

**I'm feeling very inspired, thanks to you. My head is just filled with ideas. Expect the update frequency to be frantic.**

**I do hope for more reviews, though. Frankly, now I am feeling that I'm doing something wrong and I'd like to fix that.**

**This chapter is a lot more action-oriented than before, since I found writing about combat so fun. The chapter just kept growing as I wrote it, and turned out to be quite big..**

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**Alarei, The Migrant Fleet**

Few weeks ago

"Open and clear! Go!", heavily armored human ordered.

A large krogan nodded towards the human, and ran through the doorway, his hands holding a very large M-300 Claymore -shotgun.

Right after the krogan, the turian, clad in blue armor, followed the krogan, taking aim to the right.

After the turian, a bald human female, flickering with dark blue biotic energy, ran through, taking aim to he left.

Then a quarian female went through, shotgun ready, aiming to the roof.

Lastly, the heavily armored human went through, and he went to stand at the center of the ring formed by his squad mates. At the chest of the humans dark gray armor stood an abbreviation of N7, signaling Alliance Special Forces. His hands held a M-8 Avenger assault rifle.

"All clear, Shepard", the turian reported through the suit's radio.

"Roger that, Garrus", Shepard replied.

Whole squad lowered their guns, their eyes tracking the only door leading deeper into the Alarei.

"All right fellas, they're probably dug in deeper inside the Alarei", he continued, pointing towards the door.

"And we are running right towards their strong point", Garrus remarked with his renowned sarcastic tone.

"We've been through worse", Shepard assured him. "So stay sharp and watch your fire, could still be friendlies around".

"Now shut up and stack up", Commander ordered, nodding towards the door.

The krogan and the turian took positions closest to the door at the either side of it. The quarian and the bald human took their positions at their tail. Shepard took a position right behind the quarian.

"Tali, you picking up any geth life signs?", Shepard asked her.

Tali began tapping at her omni-tool.

"I'm picking up faint energy readings behind the door. Don't know if they're geth though".

"Could they be quarian?", Shepard asked

"No. I can't detect any organic life signs"

"All right. Garrus, ready the grenade"

"Gotcha", Garrus replied, taking a M 14 grenade from his belt.

"Grunt, try the door"

The krogan touched the keyboard at the door, but door merely beeped and stayed shut.

"Hmmh. Locked", Grunt growled.

"Tali, plant the charge and fast, they know we are coming", Shepard barked another order and Tali immediately ran from her position to set up a tech mine at the door.

It took her only few seconds to plant the mine and return to her post, finger ready on her omni-tool to detonate it.

"Jack, your barriers are up?", Shepard pointed his question at the bald human female.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not that dumb", Jack answered with her usual annoyed fashion.

"All right..", Shepard said after her confirmation.

"Breach, bang and clear! Go!", Shepard yelled, and all hell broke loose.

The mine exploded and the door toppled over through the doorway, landing to the ship's floor with a large crash.

The turian immediately armed the grenade and tossed it inside the room. The grenade exploded loudly, and then the krogan was through the doorway.

The geth immediately opened fire.

"Geth!", the krogan roared through the radio, the projectiles of the geth weaponry ricocheting off his armor.

He opened fire at the closest geth platform on sight.

The shot from his gun completely obliterated the lower half of the geth, leaving the platform crawling helplessly on the floor.

Garrus was now also through the doorway, and while running towards nearest cover on the right, he fired few accurate bursts from his M-15 Vindicator battle rifle towards the head of one geth platform. The shots ripped through its kinetic shields and the head of the platform exploded. The platform fell to the ground.

Jack ran to the same cover as Garrus, simultaneously slamming one geth to the room's roof with her biotics.

The rest of the geth concentrated on Garrus and Jack, pinning them down. Grunt however had just reached the center of the room, where the geth he had disabled crawled. Grunt let out a loud roar and crushed the platform's head with a powerful stomp. He took cover behind a pillar nearby him.

Finally, Tali and Shepard went through the door simultaneously, taking cover at the large desk on the far-left in the room.

The geth were now concentrating fire on Grunt, since he had managed to get most far.

"Orders, Shepard?", Tali asked the Commander who took cover right next to her.

Shepard took peek behind his cover, and saw about six synthetics, all grouped around the door on the opposite wall.

"Tali, use the drone to flush them out! Garrus, switch to sniper rifle! Jack, on my signal, advance to the next cover! Grunt, get ready!", Shepard barked his orders and the confirmations flooded the speakers inside his helmet.

Tali summoned the drone right at the left flank of the geth. It fired a burst of electricity at something behind the cover. Two geth platforms stood up to deal with the new threat.

"Jack, advance! Garrus, take out the right one!", Shepard ordered

Both confirmed, and Shepard could hear the sound of Garrus's M-97 Viper -sniper rifle going off.

"Headshot!", the turian yelled in excitement.

Jack jumped over the desk she was hiding behind, and took cover behind another desk more closer to the geth.

Shepard fired a burst from his assault rifle, and the projectiles flew right through the left platform's midsection.

Of the remaining four geth, two started firing at Garrus, and two fired at Shepard and Tali.

"Tali, hack one of those damn things! Grunt, Jack! Charge!"

Tali started to operate her omni-tool, while both Grunt and Jack started charging towards the geth, and even through the combat helmet, their roars could be clearly heard.

Grunt found his target first, and swung the butt of his shotgun right to the head of one geth. The geth's head came right off.

Tali's omni-tool beeped, signaling that the hacking attempt was successful. Suddenly, one geth platform began firing at it's former ally, tearing through it's shields in seconds, disabling it permanently.

Jack had now also found her target. She looked as if she was bursting from all the biotic energy around her. She pulled her arms back,roaring, and threw herself at the nearest geth. The force of the blow sent the platform flying against the wall behind it, crushing it.

Only the one hacked geth platform remained. It's body kept twitching and jerking, apparently fighting to regain control over it's friend-foe-system.

That fight ended abruptly, when Grunt fired his shotgun from point-blank range, obliterating the upper half of the platform.

The whole squad rose up from behind their covers, marveling at the destruction.

"Keelah", Tali muttered.

"The Admiralty Board is not going to like this", she continued ,apparently horrified, but a smirk could be heard in her voice.

"I've seen worse", Jack retorted, shrugging.

"Well, they can send us the cleaning bill later", Shepard said with the same humorous tone as Tali.

"Worms, hmph", Grunt snorted. "I want more!".

"Uh-uh", said tali abruptly, looking at her omni-tool

"What?", Shepard snapped.

"Grunt may be getting his wish. I'm detecting a lot of FTL comm-traffic. By the amount of signals the estimate is 20 platforms"

"20 platforms?", Garrus asked tiredly, sighing.

"I should have stayed on Omega", he muttered, again with his sarcastic tone, shaking his head.

"Well they better get here soon. I'm bored", Jack said.

Grunt kept slamming his fist to his palm, chuckling.

"Everyone shut up! And Grunt, stop chuckling, it's creepy", Shepard said , drawing everyone's attention.

"They are massing a counter-attack, and we are going to hold this worthless piece of cr-", Shepard stumbled in his words, as he saw Tali throwing a vicious look at his direction.

"I-I mean this beautiful ship, which we are going to give over to our nice quarian friends at the Admiralty Board". He glanced at Tali and saw her chuckling. A grin spread over his face.

"Garrus, take position as far away from the door as possible. We need all the sniping cover we can get", Shepard ordered.

Garrus nodded, walking towards the cover Shepard and Tali occupied during the battle.

"Grunt and Jack, take positions as close to the door as possible. We need to use your shotguns to their maximum effect", Shepard continued.

"Whatever", Jack said, again sounding disinterested.

"I will test their worthiness", Grunt said and nodded.

Shepard nodded in response.

The only one left was Tali, who looked around sheepishly, feeling like a kid who gets picked last to the sports team.

"Tali, come with me", walking towards far-left side of the room.

Walking after him, Tali asked: "Shepard, I do have a shotgun too, why didn't you send me with Grunt and Jack?"

"You'd rather spend time with them than me?", Shepard teased, with a smirk on his face.

"What? No...I...uh..."

Shepard's grin spread as he watched Tali squirm, and for once Shepard was glad that his helmet covered his entire face, for if Tali could see his smug grin, she would definitely punch him.

"B-but I do have a shotgun", she tried to steady her voice to get an answer out of the Commander.

"Yeah, I know..", Shepard said, now with a more serious tone. They had arrived to the top-left corner of the room, kneeing behind a large cargo box.

Shepard sighed, before continuing.

"..but you are worried about your father. You are distracted, you could get yourself hurt".

There was a moment of silence, then Tali crossed her arms, and tilted her head "Could get myself hurt?", her eyes started to narrow dangerously.

"So your saying that I will endanger the mission? That I'm some kind of burden for you to carry around?!", the volume of her voice started to rise.

"What? No! I di-", Shepard was interrupted by Tali's loud and angry voice.

"Why did you even take me with you if I'm so damn useless?!", she yelled.

"All right, I'm sorry! ", Shepard yelled back, yielding at the thunder of the young woman.

The quarian merely snorted, turning over to watch the still closed door. She supported her shotgun to the top of the cargo box, aiming towards the door.

Shepard took position next to her.

They were silent for a while before Shepard asked: "You still mad?"

"No", she snapped, still a little anger in her voice.

"Well, maybe a little", she continued, but now with a smirking tone.

He could feel himself smirking too, but his thoughts were interrupted by her voice.

"Their comms just went quiet. I think they're coming", Tali said abruptly, obviously nervous.

Shepard put his hand onto her shoulder. Tali looked into his eyes, and nodded.

Suddenly, a large explosion occurred. When the smoke cleared, the place where the door had been, was replaced by a giant hole.

"Well, the geth don't mess around", Shepard muttered.

5 platforms came through the hole, firing their rifles.

Grunt and Jack stood up at the same time from behind of their respective covers and fired their shotguns, blowing two of the geth to pieces.

A loud voice of a sniper rifle sounded, and suddenly one of the platforms was standing without head.

"Got a another one!", Garrus yelled, voice full of excitement.

Tali and Shepard opened fire on the last two geth, taking them out with ease.

Five more geth Troopers came through the door. All but one of the geth had been dispatched with ease, since Garrus' sniper rifle had jammed.

The one remaining geth had managed to reach the central pillar of the room, but Grunt had managed to tackle it, destroying it.

The geth decided to change tactics.

Suddenly, a large siege pulse flew through the hole, right into the positions of Grunt and Jack.

Both of them managed to dodge the blast, but were now pinned down by other continuous siege pulses.

"What the f-", Jack yelled through the comm-channel. "Siege pulse!?"

"Rah! Cowards!", Grunt bellowed.

Five more geth troopers came through the door, and with Grunt and Jack pinned down, the only casualty they suffered was from the sniper fire of Garrus.

Four of them moved towards the position of Shepard and Tali, who tried desperately to keep them away.

"Hand-to-Hand!", Shepard yelled as the geth came closer. Tali drew a large knife from her boot.

First of the geth reached Shepard, trying to swing him with it's metallic arm. Shepard duck under the blow and kneed the synthetic to it's midsection. The geth bent over from a force of the blow, and Shepard struck it to the head with the butt of his rifle.

"Can't get a clear shot with you in the way Shepard!", Garrus yelled over the comm, but the adrenaline rush of the hand-to-hand combat had almost completely dulled the Commander's hearing.

One of the geth had now managed to reach Tali, trying to swing her with the butt of it's rifle. Tali quickly jumped backwards to dodge the attack, then lunged forward, sinking her knife deeply to the crack between the platform's armor plates.

She tried to pull the knife off the synthetic, but it was now stuck. She did not notice another geth coming for her and the synthetic hit her on the shoulder, making her falling over to the floor. She was staring at the geth platform helplessly, as it raised it's rifle.

Only to see it drop again. She looked a little higher, seeing that the geth did not have a head. The body of the synthetic became limp, and it fell to the floor.

"No need to thank me", said Garrus smugly over her suit's comms.

The one surviving geth had gotten reinforcements: four Geth Hunters, equipped with cloaking devices.

Garrus's deadly sniper fire thinned their ranks again. One of the Hunters fell to the ground.

"Damn I'm good!", he yelled cockily.

The siege pulse cannon had now stopped firing, so Grunt and Jack ferociously charged the geth.

Jack used her biotics to rip one platform's head off, throwing it towards another geth. The platform hit by it's former comrade's head fell over with a large crash.

Grunt had apparently ripped an arm off one geth, beating the one-armed platform to death with it.

Shepard fired few accurate bursts, disabling one geth, and Tali had used her omni-tool to overload the another one's circuits.

Shepard breathed heavily, glad that it was finally over.

Suddenly he could hear heavy footsteps from the hole the geth has blasted to the wall.

A very large Geth Prime appeared through the hole.

"Ha! That is a worthy foe!", Grunt roared gladly.

"Concentrate fire on the Prime!", Shepard yelled at the comm, wishing to end the fight fast.

The whole squad fired ferociously at the Prime.

The sound of Garrus's sniper rifle sounded several times, but the projectile was always deflected by the Prime's kinetic shields.

"I can't do squat Shepard", Garrus said over the comm, but this time the excitement in his voice had worn off, only to be replaced by frustration.

"Tali, can you hack it?", he asked the quarian still next to him, desperately wanting to end the fight.

"No. The Primes use very advanced firewall systems. It would take hours just to break into it, let alone hack it", she answered, tapping at her omni-tool.

"Damn it!", Shepard snapped.

"What I can however, is drop it's shields", she continued smugly.

"Well, what are you waiting for?!", he yelled, starting to get angry at her games.

"Already done!"

Shepard quickly formed up a plan inside his head: "Jack! I want you to hit the Prime's legs with everything you've got!"

"The little shit has still those shields up! ", she yelled over the comm.

"Do as I say, damn it!", Shepard barked at her.

"Screw you!", she shot back.

"Grunt! Garrus! As soon as the Prime falls, we'll finish it off!"

"Finally!", the krogan growled.

"Gotcha!", Garrus confirmed.

Jack started to flicker with biotic energy, the flickering growing ever more bright and when the flickering was at it's brightest, she charged.

She hit her both hands to the knee joints of the Prime. Since it did not have shields to absorb the blow, the joints cracked under the force, and the Prime fell to the floor.

Shepard, Garrus and Grunt were already running towards the fallen Prime, and before it could react, the three men were on top of it, hammering it's head with their gunfire. The flashlight at it's head started to flicker ever more frequently, and eventually it died.

Shepard and Grunt stood over their fallen prey, marvelling the destruction they had left in their wake.

"Ha! That was a good fight!", Grunt roared, breaking the silence.

Shepard breathed heavily, listening carefully, making sure that the fight was now really over.

As the squad gathered around the dead Prime, he noticed that Tali had not come out of her cover. As he walk back the same way he had ran only few minutes ago, he saw her still sitting behind the cargo box, her back against it.

"Not so useless now?", she chuckled, but her voice was trembling. She let out a barely audible moan.

"Are you hurt?", Shepard asked.

"No, I'm fine", her voice was now steely and determined. She tried to stand up.

She yelped as she tried to shift weight to her right shoulder, and fell back to the floor, lowering her head.

"The geth may have hit me on my shoulder. I think it's dislocated", she admitted sheepishly.

Shepard crouched next to her.

"Can I,uh, take a look?"

She thought his words for a moment, then nodded.

He grabbed her arm with his hands.

"I'm gonna put it back to the socket, okay?", he asked.

"Yes. Go head", she said, closing her eyes and biting her teeth together, preparing herself for the pain.

" On three. One, tw-" he suddenly yanked her arm back to it's socket, without finishing the count.

She felt a spike of pain in her shoulder.

It was excruciating.

She screamed.

She could feel her consciousness slipping away, her vision becoming covered in darkness.

Then Shepard again appeared in her vision, and she could feel the darkness retreating.

"You bosh'tet...", she said weakly.

"I'm sorry, but it's even worse the other way", he answered apologetically.

"Are you going to help me get up?", she asked, tilting her head.

"Yeah, sure", Shepard said and he swung Tali's healthy arm over his neck, helping her up "Can you walk?"

"Yeah, I got it now. Thanks", she said, nodding.

The squad moved on through the hole in the wall, which lead to a long corridor. At the end of the corridor there was a another corridor, which leaded to the main core.

As they travelled forward, they saw a humanoid form laying on the floor, not moving. It was a quarian.

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**Update: Decided the split the chapter into two, so the next one is going to be about Rael.**


	4. Nothing

**So here is part 2. Turned out to be longer than I thought, but here it is.**

**Thanks to you all for your support.**

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White shoulder pads.

No.

Red straps crossing the quarian's chest.

No.

White midsection.

No!

"Father!", Tali cried, as she ran to the quarian.

Probably unconscious from some blow.

Her father always knew how to take care of himself.

Although he was always foremost a scientist, he was also a tough soldier.

She had heard tales of his adventures her whole life.

But not from him.

She knelt before the quarian body, shaking it from it's shoulders. He was not breathing. Was he...No! He always knew what to do.

"No no no, you always had a plan, masked life signs, or, or an on board medical stasis program, maybe. You! You wouldn't!"

Her eyes started to moisture.

The charges.

She had been accused of bringing active geth aboard the Flotilla. But it was her father.

He had assembled the geth, using parts she had send him to do some sick experiments.

She had no idea.

How could he betray her trust like that? How could he? She never wanted this.

He had used her.

She could feel the tears falling down her face.

Long ago, she had told Shepard about her father. She had said, that the best thing she could say about him, was that she respected, and trusted him. More than anyone she knew.

He had always been there, even though always at a distance, but he had never left her.

He was a constant figure, like a rock. Unmoving, unyielding, unchanging. His stoicism had brought her security and comfort in the ever moving world of the quarians.

If she could not rely in her father, how could she rely on anything?

But he had used her. She had loved him, done everything possible to please him, and he had just used her like that.

He had betrayed everything she cared for.

The Admiralty Board had been correct. Even Han'Gerrel had given up hope that her father was alive. Why she had refused to believe them?

Why did she still refuse to believe them?

"They're wrong! You wouldn't just die like this! You wouldn't leave me to clean up your mess! You can't!", she yelled, punching her fathers chest.

She could feel a hand at her arm, pulling her towards a figure next to her.

Shepard had knelt down next to her, gently grabbing her by the arm, pulling her closer.

She put her arms around him, squeezing him as hard as she could.

She broke down, crying in anguish.

She felt as if something had pierced her heart and ripped it from her chest.

How could he?

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Shepard put his hands around her, holding her gently.

He could hear her cries in his ear, as she pressed her head to his shoulder.

The sound broke his heart.

He could feel his eyes moisture, his vision getting blurred.

The muscles in his chin bulged, as he pressed his teeth together, fighting the tears.

He was grateful for the protection his helmet offered, because he really didn't want to explain himself to anyone.

He was not even sure if he knew how.

All he knew, was that she didn't deserve this.

He closed his eyes, and could feel a single tear rolling down his face.

"Hush", he merely whispered, stroking the back of her head.

He felt helpless, not being able to do anything to help.

But she started to calm down at the sound of his voice.

He saw Garrus approaching them, his head hanging low.

The turian hesitatingly lifted his hand, and put it on her shoulder.

Shepard glanced at the body of her father, and a wave of anger passed through him.

How could he leave her to clean up his mess?

* * *

"Hush...hush", she heard him whispering to her ear, holding her.

The sound of his voice pulled her out of her world of pain, of misery, anchoring her to this world.

She felt a another hand on her shoulder, this one hard, and metallic.

Garrus.

Her sobs became ever the less frequent, ending after a moment.

She did not know how long that moment was or how long she had been in his embrace, but she knew that she wanted him to never let go. She wanted to forget about this cruel and harsh world.

But she knew she couldn't.

She had a job to do.

She reluctantly pulled herself away from him. Shepard's hands still rested on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry", she said after a moment, her voice still trembling.

"Don't say that", Shepard whispered, lowering his head.

She began turning towards her father "Maybe, maybe he had known I'd come. Maybe he left a message", she pressed a few buttons on his omni-tool, and a hologram projection of Rael'Zorah appeared.

"Tali", it began "if you are listening, then I am dead. The geth have gone active. I don't have much time"

"Their main hub will be on the bridge You'll need to destroy it to stop their VI processes from forming new neural links"

"Make sure Han'Gerrel and Daro'Xen see the data. They must--"

The projection stopped talking, and began running away. The transmission ended.

"Thanks dad", Tali said, slight tremble still in her voice.

Both Shepard and Tali stood up, still looking at the body.

"That's the best he could do?", Shepard asked very quietly, talking apparently to himself.

Tali turned her head towards him.

"Oh. I'm...I'm sorry Tali. I should just shut up", he said apologetically, lowering his head.

"No", she replied, her voice now steely "You're right"

She lowered her head before continuing "I don't know what's worse. Thinking that he never cared, or thinking he did, and this was the only way he could show it".

She could feel her eyes moisture again, but brushed her feelings aside, and said: "Lets go"

The squad of five entered the next room in silence. At the center of the room, there was a large computer. They approached the computer, and Tali broke the silence.

"This is the main hub father mentioned. Shutting it down will disable all the remaining geth on the ship"

She tapped a few buttons on the computer's console, and a list showed up on the screen.

"Few of the recordings have remained intact. They should tell us what happened"

She lowered her head and voice: "I mean what father did".

"We should see it", Shepard said.

Tali pressed few buttons, and three quarians appeared on the screen.

At the center was Tali's father, Rael Zorah, he had two quarians at his both sides.

"Do we have enough parts to bring more on-line?", Rael asked.

The quarian on the right answered "Yes the new shipment from your daughter will let us add two more geth to the network"

The quarian on the left continued after him: "We're nearing a breakthrough on systemic viral attacks. Perhaps we should inform the Admiralty Board, just to be safe"

"No", Rael answered. "We are too close. I promised to build my daughter a house on the homeworld. I'm not going to sit and wait while the politicians argue"

The quarian on the right spoke: "We'd have an easier time if Tali'Zorah could send us back more working material"

"Absolutely not!", Rael snapped "I don't want Tali exposed to any political blowback. Leave Tali out of this. Assemble new geth with what we have. Bypass protocols if need be"

Tali had not wanted this.

She did not want him to build a house on their homeworld.

What she would have wanted, was a father that was there for her.

A father that would have held her, tell her he cared. He could not give her that.

He gave her this.

"He did this for you?", Shepard asked with a surprised tone in his voice.

Tali lowered her gaze and shook her head."I never wanted this", Tali whispered, her voice trembling again.

"It's all his fault..." she could feel her eyes getting wet again.

It's all his fault.

All of it.

But he doesn't deserve this.

"We can't use this Shepard", she turned her head to Shepard.

"We can't show this to the Admiralty Board"

"What? Why?", he asked, again surprised.

"If we use this, they'll..", she stuttered, clearly distressed.

"...they'll strike his name from the manifest of every ship he ever served on", her voiced was broken again, and tear were flowing down her face.

"He'd..."

"He'd be worse than an exile. He'd be a traitor to our people, the worst war criminal in our people's history"

"I can't let all the good he did be destroyed for this.", she lowered her gaze to the floor. Her voice had stopped trembling, and had a steely tone "I won't".

* * *

Shepard looked at the rest of the squad.

"Could you guys give us a minute?", he asked quietly.

Garrus nodded "We'll be at the shuttle".

They turned and went through the door, leaving Tali and Shepard alone.

Tali kept turning her head between Shepard and the squad, looking confused.

The two of them stood there a while in silence, Shepard was looking at the floor.

"Without this evidence, you are going to be exiled", he said quietly.

"I know", she replied quietly.

Shepard could feel a wave of anger passing through him, barely managing to keep his voice steady

"You're father did not want you to take the blame for him"

"I don't care. I'm not like him"

Shepard could no longer control himself.

"Damn it Tali!", he yelled has he grabbed her by the upper arms.

"I won't let you throw yourself into the fire for him!", he yelled, shaking her a bit.

"He's my father...", she said quietly, shaking her head "He doesn't deserve this."

Shepard straightened himself, looking into her eyes.

"Yes, he does", he said coldly.

Tali lowered her head.

There was a short silence, and Shepard could hear Tali sobbing.

"What a about me? Don't I deserve to say anything", she said with a quiet, teary voice.

Shepard released his hold of her, and took a step back, stunned.

Damn it.

He could feel his eyes moisture again, and a another tear fell down his face.

The muscles in his jaw were bulging again.

He raised his gaze to the roof, and then shaking his head, lowered it to the floor. They were silent again.

"You're my Captain, Shepard, it's your decision", she said quietly "Let's go".

* * *

**Rayya, the Migrant Fleet**

**20 minutes later**

"Does Captain Shepard have any new evidence to submit to this hearing?", Shala'Raan vas Tombay, the trial's chairwoman asked.

Shepard glanced at Tali.

"Shepard, please..", she begged.

Shepard stepped forward, leaning to a railing in front of him, deep in thought.

The information he held could be vital for anyone who wants to understand the geth.

It also had the power to save his friend from a certain exile from her home.

The decision seemed to be a no-brainer, but...

There was always a but.

She did not want to use it.

The Fleet could maybe be a little disorganized after finding out what Rael had done, but they would get their act together in time to fight the Reapers.

In his mind, the right decision was to give them the data, it would benefit everyone.

But Tali did not want to, even though it would most probably ruin her life.

Could he sacrifice her future and the benefits to the galaxy just because she said so?

He could hear Tali's teary, quiet voice inside his head: "What a about me? Don't I deserve to say anything?"

Goddamn it.

Shepard squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath before answering.

"No. We have nothing".


	5. Courage

**This one was a bitch to write, particularly the ending. I wanted to stick with continuity. Harder than I thought.**

**The ending probably sucks because of it.**

**UPDATE: Added the lines. They actually do really make things clearer.  
**

* * *

**Normandy**

Shepard sat on his chair, his hands holding an OSD.

He thought the hours Rael'Zorah, Tali's father, and his crew had worked on this data, and all the people who had died for it.

It would be such a waste to just throw it out of the airlock.

But there was actually no other way to use it. Without revealing Rael as the mastermind behind the accident on Alarei, that is.

He tossed it on the table, sighing.

His personal inter-comm rang, signaling that someone was pressing his 'doorbell'.

"Shepard, it's Tali", Tali said through the comm.

"Could you come back later? I'm in the middle of something", Shepard lied, not really wanting to have a emotive conversation with her again.

There was a silence, and he thought he had gotten rid of her, when the comm rang again.

"You're not drinking? Are you?", she asked, with both curious and worried tone at the same time.

"I don't drink", Shepard answered, his voice annoyed.

"Then what are you doing?", she pressed on.

He let out an annoyed sigh before answering.

"Thinking"

"Well could you think with me in the room? I want to talk you"

"Talk to someone else"

"No", she said with a commanding tone.

"Fine", he snapped.

* * *

The door opened and the quarian stepped in.

She had been in his quarters before, but not alone.

It made her feel a bit anxious, nervous.

He had not said a word since the door opened, so she begun the conversation.

"You have not come to see me after the Alarei", she said accusingly, tilting her head. Her eyes narrowed, but a clear smirk could be heard in her voice.

"Sorry", he said blankly, his eyes staring emptily.

"It's okay"

She lied.

It had hurt.

There was a short silence, before she continued.

"What have you been doing in here for the two days?", she inquired, gazing around the room.

"Thinking"

"About what?"

Shepard had feared this question, and was why he had not wanted to see her.

Why he had not wanted to see anybody.

He had been thinking of her.

"Stuff", he said, poorly trying to avoid the question.

"Like what?", she asked, tilting her head,weighing him.

She was not going to let this go.

He had to tell her something.

The truth.

"That", he said, nodding towards his desk, on it rested the OSD of Rael.

Or some version of it.

* * *

She approached the desk, reaching out for the OSD.

"Is this..?", she asked, her voice quiet.

"Yeah"

"What are you going to do with this?", she asked, gazing at the disk.

He merely shrugged.

"All that research, all those lives lost. For nothing", he mumbled "Such a waste"

"You think we should have used the data?", Tali asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Yes"

"The way that insane Admiral Xen said?"

"Yes"

She did not believe what she was hearing. Her father's experiments were sick, and had cost tens of quarian lives.

She did want nothing more but to take back their Homeworld, but would never endanger the Fleet for it.

And Shepard had wanted to use it.

"What? Why?", she asked, her voice raising.

"It would have been the best solution", Shepard said simply. "From every point of view"

"Then why didn't you just use the damn disk!?", she yelled.

"Because you asked me not to!", he stood up from his chair, yelling back at her.

Damn it. He did not want to go through this again.

He sat back down, looking at the floor.

She was a bit taken back by his sudden burst of anger.

Then she suddenly realized something.

"S-so, so you're blaming me?", she asked, stuttering, with a unbelieving tone.

"No", Shepard snapped.

"Then what is wrong with you?!", she shouted a question.

It was extremely annoying that he kept dodging her every question, keeping her from the answer she desperately wanted.

He again stood up dramatically, staring at her, his eyes burning.

"What the hell do you want from me Tali!?", he shouted

"I want you to answer me!", she yelled back.

Why couldn't he just answer? Why did he keep her from the answer?

"I told you. I did not give them the data, because you asked me not to", he hissed coldly, his eyes still burning with anger.

But why? Why did her opinion mean so much? She needed to know the answer.

But only a certain answer.

Now she hissed:

"Why does my opinion matter?"

* * *

He did not know.

He had searched himself for two days to find answers, but he still did not know.

But he did know something.

He knew that any wound done to her, was a wound done to him.

He knew that her happiness was his happiness.

He knew that he would die for her.

But he did not understand any of this.

A million excuses came into his mind.

'It could hurt her'. 'It could hurt others'. 'Compromise the mission. 'He could not make her happy'. 'It is the best choice'.

But the truth was, that he was a coward.

There was no guarantee that neither of them would survive.

She would probably die.

Merely the thought of losing her...

It made him want to die.

He was so selfish.

He hated himself.

He lowered his gaze. "Because we are friends", he said quietly.

* * *

The answer.

She had expected it, but it did not ease the pain.

She felt all the anger within her fade away.

He had always been there for her.

Pilgrimage.

Her father.

The trial.

A friend.

Still, part of her had wished that they could be more.

It still wished it so.

But would be honoured to have such a friend.

She looked straight at him.

"Friends", she said quietly, and nodded.

She turned away and left, leaving him staring at the floor.

The elevator came, and she stepped inside.

The part wishing for his feelings surfaced.

It was not certain.

She would not give up.

The answer could change.

Maybe if he knew how she felt...

There was only one way to know.

She wanted to know.

She was not a coward.


	6. Want

**Woo! Re-wrote the whole chapter. Turned out to be ten times longer.**

**It was extremely difficult to integrate the cheesy flirtations in the game into this.**

**But still, I think I hate this less than the last one.**

**Update: Added lines to this as well, let me know what you think.  
**

* * *

**Week later**

Shepard walked towards the mess hall.

He grabbed a tray. A glass, a spoon and a plate all found their places on it.

He stopped right in the front of Sergeant Gardner.

"Shepard" he greeted, nodding , as he filled a scoop with soup, and emptied it on Shepard's plate.

Shepard nodded, and poured milk on his glass. He took his tray, and started to look for a place to eat.

He saw a place on the empty corner. Perfect.

He walked pass a few of his crew mates, all of them stiffing, their conversations freezing.

Shepard could feel their eyes following him all the way to his seat.

He sat down, and started to eat. He really did not want any company.

Of course, he never got what he wanted.

He saw a large figure towering over him.

The figure sat down on the opposite side.

"You look like crap", the turian joked, as he placed his tray on the table.

"That makes two of us", Shepard mumbled.

His eyes were bloodshot, dark bags hunged under his eyes and his skin was pale. He had not slept for almost a week.

There was also a dried up blood on his left hand's knuckles. He had punched the wall in frustration.

"Courteous as ever", Garrus retorted, smirking.

"Haven't seen you for a while, thought that Grunt ate you", he continued, still smirking.

Shepard did not answer. He was only staring his plate, brooding.

"Seriously, you wanna talk about it?", the turian asked, now serious.

"No", Shepard growled, annoyed.

Garrus tilted his head, his eyes narrowing.

"You're not drinking? Are you?", he asked, with a tone of worry.

"Why does everybody ask me that?", Shepard snapped, extremely annoyed. "I. Do. Not. Drink",

One word caught the turian's attention.

"Everybody?", he asked, with a curious tone.

"Forget it", Shepard said, waving him off.

There was a short silence, before the turian spoke.

"This is about the Alarei, isn't it?", he asked, eyes very narrow.

"It's nothing", Shepard growled again.

Garrus spread his arms dramatically.

"Oh, come on Shepard! You've barely even left your quarters after that! Whatta hell happened there?"

Shepard could feel his anger again bursting through.

"You were at the damn trial, you saw what happened!", Shepard tried to keep his voice low, anger dripping through it.

"I got Tali exiled, and all the data on that damn disk is now useless. All those people who died there, died for nothing!", he paused, drawing breath before continuing.

"That! That is what happened", he hissed from between his teeth.

Truly, Garrus had wondered why the Commander had not used the disk. He was actually pretty shocked that he did not reveal it to the Admiralty board.

So he asked.

"Well why didn't you just use the data?", his voice was calm and collected, unlike Shepard's.

Shepard just stared at his plate, not answering.

He had already gone through this crap with Tali, he was not going to go through it again.

So he did not answer.

"Fine", Garrus said, taking his tray and walking away.

God damn it.

He would talk to Garrus later and apologize.

Maybe he could even explain himself to him some day.

This could not go on.

It would end.

* * *

Shepard pressed a button on the elevator, sending it towards Engineering deck.

Hopefully she was still working.

The doors opened, and Shepard stepped out.

He entered the Core room, where right before him stood two of his engineers, back towards him.

The male one glanced behind him, hearing the door open. Immediately a wide grin spread over his face.

"Ah! It's 'The Rookie' !", he completely turned to Shepard "Come to rob me off again?"

The female poked Connelly hard to the ribs with her elbow.

"Commander", she said, standing in attention, saluting.

Although Shepard's mood was sour, he could not help but to chuckle at them.

Shepard nodded in response.

"Just walking by", he said a slight grin on his face.

"Aye, I would walk by here a lot too you know"

He tilted his head towards Tali, then draw a hourglass to the air, whistling lowly.

Daniels responded by poking him again to the ribs.'

Shepard could feel his spirits rising a bit, but this was not what he was here for.

"I'll talk to you later", he chuckled.

"Commander", Daniels responded, nodding.

He walked to Tali.

She was pretending that she had not noticed him.

Shepard poked at her shoulder

She turned around gracefully.

"Shepard? You need something?"

Shepard cleared his throat first before speaking.

He was nervous.

It was a feeling he did not feel often.

"Have a minute?", he asked, hoping his voice was not too raspy.

"Sure, just a sec",she answered, her voice light.

She turned towards the console, tapping a few buttons on it, then turned back towards him.

"Um..", Shepard begun awkwardly, then pointed his thumb towards the corridor that led to the drive core.

Her eyes narrowed curiously, but she followed Shepard without saying anything.

* * *

They stood before the large drive core, which flickered with blue lightning.

The lights from it reflected on both of their faces.

They stood before it, opposite of each other.

Shepard did not know how to begin.

Thankfully, he didn't have to.

She tilted her head and crossed her arms.

"What were you talking with Kenneth?", she asked suddenly.

She tried to sound as threatening as she could, wanting to bait him.

He knew that it was merely innocent joking, but he did not know how Tali would react on such things, since she had a hell of temperament. She was also quite traditional. It could make her uncomfortable.

"Oh, you know, engines" he lied, not very convincingly. He wove his hand nervously, as to dismiss the question.

She had succeeded, and a large grin spread over her face as she watched him squirm.

"Engines, huh?", she asked, her eyes narrowing even more.

It might have been the lack of sleep, but he heard a slight distortion in her voice, as if she was grinning.

"Well, you know how they are", he shrugged.

Crap. He did not know anything about engines. He barely even knew how the ship even worked.

He remembered one thing.

The couplings he had picked up for Connelly and Daniels.

"The power couplings are malfunctioning again", he said, as expertly as he could.

She knew she got him now.

"Well, what's wrong with them?", she said, with an overstressed worried tone.

Was she teasing him?

If she was, then he knew that she had him now, but he still desperately tried to get out.

"You know, the couplings are not always doing their...coupling thing with full capacity", he tried to explain, his speech stammering.

He sheepishly looked at the floor.

He could feel his cheeks blushing.

"Ah, crap", he muttered.

He lifted his head again, and could hear her giggling quietly. She was shaking, trying to hold her laugh.

"You saw the whole thing?", he asked.

"Yes. It was fun watching you squirm", she said teasingly.

"Well, you're mean", Shepard retorted with a large grin on his face.

He gently pushed her by the shoulder.

"I know", she said, her voice holding a slight seductive tone.

Damn it. That came out wrong.

She could feel herself blushing, her face burning. She was thankful for her the face-covering visor of her helmet.

Now Shepard knew that the lack of sleep was getting to him, since he swore that he had just heard a slight seductive tone in her voice.

They just stood there awkwardly, looking at each other.

The silence was broken by a cough.

* * *

Tali was coughing.

The magic that had only seconds ago filled the room, disappeared.

"Are you okay?", Shepard asked after she had stopped coughing

"It was my fault actually", she said, shaking her head slightly.

She inhaled, and begun to tell the story.

"During the battle on the Alarei, something punctured my suit and apparently some stray bacteria got inside. Our suits have seals, preventing all air from entering to our helmet through the neck, but they were broken during the fight", she begun, walking aimlessly as she spoke.

"So, when I opened that part of my suit to repair the damage, I forgot to check the seals integrity. ", she sighed, before continuing.

"Some bacteria got into my respiratory system...", her sentence was interrupted by another cough.

"So, illness", she said, shrugging.

"And your working?", Shepard asked with a strict, but worried tone. "Are you crazy? You should rest",

"No, I'm fine Shepard", she said lifting her palms up.

"It's not really an illness, more like an allergic reaction to foreign matter"

"Well, saying that it's not an illness doesn't make you any less sick", he retorted, crossing his arms.

"I'm okay Shepard, you don't have to worry about me", she answered, her voice determined.

There was a silence, and this time Shepard broke it.

"I...uh...I guess I never realized just how hard living inside a suit your whole life could be", he said

To be trapped inside. He could not even understand how that must feel.

He felt sorry for her.

She lowered her gaze to the floor before speaking.

"We are inside our suits even among our family", she begun, and it only made Shepard feel even more sorry for her.

She felt embarrassed about the next subject, and her speech stammered, mirroring her feelings.

"The...The most intimate thing we can do with a another quarian is to link our suit environments"

Her face blushed even more, and the room felt very warm.

"I've...I've never trusted anyone enough for that though..."

Shepard was confused.

Why was she telling him this?

She felt extremely uncomfortable talking about the subject, but she wanted to tell him.

Tell him what she felt.

"..well...no quarians", she begun, her voice trembling. "Y-you know what I mean?"

The most intimate thing, she had said . And she wanted to share this with him?

She had told him that she trusted her father more than anyone, but she still had not trusted him enough.

But she trusted him.

Shepard was stunned, and could feel his mouth slightly open.

"You'd show me your face?", he asked softly.

Her fingers were fidgeting nervously against each other.

"Well it's not...it's more...wow, it's really hot in here", she stammered.

Now? Was now the moment to tell him? Tell him what he meant to her?

If not now, then when?

She let go.

* * *

"Traditionally...it..it..signifies a willingness...for...um..."

Her speech stuck in her throat, as she was looking for a proper word.

"...intimacy"

Intimacy? Did she meant that what he thought?

She wanted to be with him.

Share herself with him.

Intimacy.

Kelly had told him that Tali wished to be more than friends, but he had refused to believe her.

Even though everything he saw made a perfect sense, he still refused to believe.

The way she turned to him, the way she followed him, the way she looked to him. Looked at him.

He had refused to believe.

It was better to live in a world of lies, than on a world of pain.

She was probably going to die.

If she would die, then he would die.

He did not want to die again.

So he refused to believe.

He had never been so wrong in his life.

* * *

Tali could not believe that she had said that. Everything felt unreal.

"I...uh...how did we even ended up talking about this?", she asked dreamily.

Her trail of thought was broken by Shepard's question.

Shepard could not know how hard it must have been for her.

She had told him how she felt, without even knowing if those feelings would be returned.

What he knew however, is that it had caused her significant discomfort.

He had caused it.

He didn't know what to do.

So he did what he always did in those kind of situations.

Joked.

* * *

"Wait a minute. It sounds like you are suggesting something Tali?", he asked, grinning

It was a poor coping mechanism, meant to avoid things that caused harm.

But it had saved him from countless situations, since the other option was desperation.

He just hoped that it save him from this situation too.

Tali tilted her head, and crossed her arms

"What could I possibly be suggesting?", she asked, with a clearly flirty tone of voice.

It had worked.

"I mean, a young woman gets rescued by a dashing Commander who let's her join his crew and then goes off to save the galaxy?

Dashing?

She thought that he was dashing?

He knew there was nothing dashing in what he did.

He killed people. Period.

Why would a nice, caring and honourable girl like Tali think that he was 'dashing' ?

"How could she possibly develop any kind of interest in him..."

He could not understand why.

He was not a nice man. He was not the 'dashing' hero they showed him to be in the vids.

He was a killer.

He just happened to be on the right side of the law.

Suddenly, he realized something.

He didn't have to understand everything.

He didn't have to be always in control.

So he let go.

Why had it taken so long to realize this?

He grinned at his stupidity, and ended the ridiculous game they had been playing.

"Well, Tali'Zorah", he chuckled, crossing his arms.

"What sort of an interest are we talking about here?"

His grin widened.

"Is this a professional curiosity...", he continued, taking a step forward, shortening the distance between the two.

He tuned down his voice at every word, and when he continued:

"Or a personal one?", the words were only a whisper.

He had almost closed the space between them, standing right before her.

He slowly lifted his hand, palm upwards.

"Tali...", he whispered, and Tali took his hand.

He looked into her eyes.

"...I care. More than you know"

* * *

Tali's world turned upside down.

He cared.

She had not expected this.

His words 'because we are friends' rang in her mind.

Had he lied to her? Why?

"You do? But you never..."

No.

Not now.

He cared.

That's what mattered.

"That's...that's good", she said dreamily.

She was happy.


	7. Contrast

**All right, enough with all that namby-pamby-touchy-feely-crap**

**Here's some good old sex and violence for you.**

**Well, violence anyway.**

**One more thing: I'm not gonna beg you to review, but it would be nice to receive some tips on how to improve, you know. So please tell me how much I suck.**

**Update: Changed the dialogue a bit, and added lines between scenes, all thanks to my lovely reviewers.**

* * *

**Illium**

**Dantius Towers**

"Eclipse...", Shepard muttered, as he was walking towards one wounded member of the said mercenary group.

The batarian was bleeding profusely from his midsection. He tried to stop the bleeding with his hand, but could not.

"I surrender", he moaned, coughing.

"Like you let those salarians surrender?", Shepard said coldly, tilting his head towards two salarian corpses.

The batarian's gaze turned to the ground.

"I had my orders", he said quietly, with a raspy tone.

Shepard looked at the batarian strictly, as he pointed his pistol to his head.

"Don't make excuses", he snapped.

Shepard could understand the batarian. He could understand joining the Eclipse. He could understand wanting to belong, wanting to make money, wanting to survive. He could even understand wanting to kill.

"Please, human...", the batarian pleaded.

That did not stop him from pulling the trigger.

Batarian laid on the ground, motionless.

Death.

Shepard closed his eyes.

He could feel his suit rupturing, all the air being sucked out in to the void. He could feel himself suffocating. He would die.

He panicked, and it disgusted him.

He would have wanted to die with honor, with pride.

With dignity.

Not like this.

Suddenly, a thought came into his mind.

He had.

He had saved all of his friends, all his crew.

Captain going down with his ship, saving his friends.

It was rather poetic. It pleased him.

He felt himself relax. Accepting his death.

He pulled his head back, and spread his arms.

He felt like an angel falling down from the sky.

He smiled, as he closed his eyes forever.

"Shepard, we've got a live one!", he heard Garrus yelling.

Shepard opened his eyes.

Or not.

Garrus stood besided a wounded salarian on the other side of the room.

Shepard walked to the salarian, who was laying on the ground, gasping for air.

"You...", he moaned, pointing at Shepard with a shaky hand "You killed the mercenaries"

His voice was raspy, and his eyes empty.

"Hmm. Condition critical. Immediate medical attention required" , Mordin said, talking very fast with a cold tone of voice, as usual. He inhaled deeply before continuing "Will not survive without"

"Tend to him", Shepard ordered, nodding towards the dying salarian.

"Will do", he said, immediately beginning to work on the salarian, administering medigel to his wounds with his omni-tool.

"Think he'll pull through?", Garrus asked, looking at Shepard.

"It's Mordin", Shepard said, as if it was obvious.

After a while, Mordin rose up, and the salarian on the ground looked to be much less in pain.

"Thank you", he said, turning his head to see all the people around him.

Mordin merely bowed his head.

"Why the mercenaries tried to kill you?", Miranda asked, with her thick Australian accent.

"Nassana ordered them to...clean up the place. I do not know why..", he paused, looking distressed. "They just...opened fire without warning...many...many died quickly", he lowered his head.

Shepard knelt down next to him, trying to get eye-contact.

"You know how we can get to the top floor?"

"Are you...are you going to kill Nassana?", the salarian asked hesitatingly.

"I don't think I have to", Shepard answered, grinning.

"Well, through that door", he pointed the door next to him.

"Follow the corridor on the left, then take the cargo elevator"

Shepard put his hand on the salarian's shoulder.

"You were very helpful. We'll have someone to pick you up"

Trauma victims were never to be left alone, but they had no choice.

It did not make Shepard feel any better.

"It's locked", Garrus said, after touching the panel on the wall.

Shepard rose up and began to walk towards the door.

"All right, you know the drill. Stack up"

The whole team of 6 took their positions at the either side of the door.

"Tali?", he asked.

"I'll open it", she replied.

She moved to the panel Garrus had touched, tapping her omni-tool.

After a few seconds, the door unlocked.

"Done", she said proudly.

"Anything behind there?"

"I'm not picking up any life signs, or mass effect fields", Tali answered.

Shepard nodded to her, then ordered his team through the door.

* * *

There were three corridors. One continuing forward, one going to the left and one going to the right.

Shepard again ordered his team to take their positions at the door leading to the left.

"Tali, see if you can jam these doors. I really don't want to leave anybody here to watch our rear", he said to Tali.

"On it", she said immediately.

Few minutes passed, then Shepard heard two loud clicks.

" I managed to disable their respective operating panels"

"So they're jammed?"

"Well, if they manage to bypass standard protocols and enact emergency evacuation ones, then all the doors will open"

"Can they do that?", Shepard asked, brow wrinkled.

Tali's eyes shined as she immersed herself inside the world of technology, taking pride in her work.

"Well, they can enact them easily from the central security station, but that would signal the evacuation alarms everywhere. Alerting us. However, to bypass the protocols at a lim--"

Garrus raised his hand and interrupted: "I take that as yes?"

She snorted, annoyed that she had been pulled away from that world, then retorted: "Yes"

"All right, let's go before they do that", Shepard ordered, his team again forming around the door.

"Anything in there?", he asked Tali.

"Picking up three life signs. Three kinetic shield systems. They are most likely mercenaries."

"Okay. Flash and clear. Go on my signal"

Garrus readied the flash grenade, while Jacob stood ready to open the door.

"Is everyone immune to flashbangs?"

"Huh?", Tali asked.

"Basically, you see enough of these things, and you become immune to their effect", Jacob answered.

"Oh. Well I have not seen a single one before", she answered sheepishly.

"Cerberus has extensive urban combat training, but it never had an emphasis during mine. I am not sure if I've seen the required amount", Miranda said matter-of-factly.

"Mordin?", Shepard inquired.

"Yes. Did the training. During STG. Essential. STG not merely recon. Capturing important strategic goals. VIP hostage situations. All members have all training", Mordin babbled, and Shepard nodded in response.

Shepard knew that both Garrus and Jacob had spent some time with the special forces.

Garrus with C-Sec's Special Response unit, and Jacob with the N7s, so he did not have to ask them.

"All right, Tali, Miranda stay back. Only enter after the bang. The rest of you, get ready"

Tali and Miranda moved themselves at the end of their respective lines on the both sides of the door.

"Go!", Shepard ordered.

* * *

Jacob opened the door, while Garrus threw the flashbang in. Mordin ran immediately through, followed by Shepard, Jacob and Garrus.

"Contact!", Mordin yelled.

There was a long corridor, and at the end of it were mercenaries.

They started to turn towards the door, when the flashbang, landing right beside them, went off.

The extremely loud noise, combined with a blinding flash was a very distorting experience. The effect only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it was more than enough for a skilled assault team to clean the room.

The mercs staggered, and Mordin fired a few bursts with his submachine gun, dropping one's shields.

Shepard finished the merc off with a burst from his assault rifle. The bullets went cleanly through the merc's chest.

Garrus and Jacob were now both firing at the two remaining mercenaries, eliminating them quickly.

"Clear!", Jacob reported.

There were three doors in the room. One of them leading to the elevator, one was the one they had came from, and an unknown one.

Jacob covered the elevator and Garrus the unknown one.

The whole operation had only lasted a couple of seconds, so when Tali and Miranda entered the room, all the mercenaries were dead.

"Wow", Tali gasped. "That was fast"

"Hmm. Quick, clean and clinical. Very good Shepard", Mordin praised as well, nodding to Shepard.

"Knock it off, I'm getting embarrassed", Shepard snapped, with a slight grin on his face.

"The elevator's next. Don't know if they are stupid enough to send someone to investigate the noises from here, but we--", Shepard draw his pistol immediately as he was interrupted by a voice behind the door Garrus was guarding.

"Shepard, it came up from there", he said quietly as he pointed the door with his assault rifle, not breaking his stare to the door.

"Miranda, set up the ambush. Tali, Garrus", he waved his hand, signalling them to follow.

They approached the door slowly. He pointed at Garrus, then nodded towards the control panel.

Garrus moved to the panel, Tali and Shepard at the either side of the door. Shepard nodded, and the door opened.

Shepard and Tali immediately assaulted the room, only to find a group of salarians screaming in terror at the sight of them. They were all unarmed.

"Shut up!", Shepard yelled at them as Garrus came into the room. All three of them still had their weapons drawn, pointed at the salarians.

"Don't kill us!", one of them yelled, hands up.

"Hey, they are not Eclipse!", the salarian on the left yelled in relief.

"Aren't you a smart one", Shepard said as he holstered his pistol. Tali and Garrus did the same.

"What the hell are you doing here?", he asked.

"We, uh, we were chased by the Eclipse...", the salarian on the left began

"...when all the sudden, we heard three gunshots and the mercs lay dead"

"Then a green figure came, and asked if we were all right. I hadn't never seen anyone like his species before bu--", he was interrupted by the salarian on the right.

"He was probably a drell"

"Krios", Shepard muttered.

"Yes, well, anyway", the interrupted salarian continued.

"He told us to stay here, so we wouldn't get hurt"

"The assassin told you to stay here? That's unusual", Garrus asked, with an unbelieving tone of voice.

"The assassin?", one of the salarians asked. "Probably here for Nassana"

"What makes you say that?", Shepard asked.

"She definitely has it coming. She told her mercenaries to 'clean us up'. And I've heard that it's not the first time she's done something like this"

"You don't say", Shepard retorted. "But we have to go and you should go back the way we came. First door on the right. There's a wounded salarian who could use some help."

"Yes. Thank you human." they started to move out of the room, when one of them stopped, turning his head to the Commander.

"Tell the assassin, that he has our thanks"

Shepard nodded, and the salarians left.

Shepard's helmet's radio suddenly came alive, with Miranda yelling.

"Heads up Commander, the elevator's coming down!"

"Idiots", Shepard muttered,before yelling to Garrus and Tali: "Move, move!"

Three of them took cover behind a cargo box at the center of the room. Miranda, Jacob and Mordin had also taken cover behind cargo boxes scattered across the room.

Jacob was on the left flank of the elevator, Miranda on the right.

Mordin was stationed between Jacob and Shepard.

"I've set tech mines right before the elevator. Set to explode remotely", Miranda said over the radio.

"Roger. Good job", Shepard responded.

"All right. The team is going to extremely heavily armed, but we got them on our crossfire immediately after they step out the elevator. Do not let them to take cover. We don't want to take them head on."

"Jacob, Miranda, try to push or pull them back to the killing zone if they get out of it"

They both confirmed.

"Tali, you'll overload their shields"

"On it"

"Mordin, incinerate"

"Will do"

"Garrus, you and me. Suppressing fire"

"Gotcha"

The elevator beeped and the doors opened.

* * *

There were ten heavily armed Eclipse mercenaries, one of them a krogan.

"The mines!", Shepard ordered on the radio.

Miranda tapped her omni-tool, and three tech mines went off with a loud explosion.

Three of the mercenaries were killed instantly.

"Fire!" Shepard yelled as the mercenaries poured out of the elevator.

Three of the remaining mercenaries were ripped to pieces inside the squad's well prepared killing zone.

Four of them got through, the krogan among them.

The managed to take cover behind a formation of crates, which offered protection from all sides.

Shepard had not put anyone behind the formation, since he knew that some of the mercs would get through, and when they did, the ones behind the formation would be dead.

"Tali, the shields!", Shepard yelled at the quarian next to her.

She frantically tapped at her omni-tool.

"I can't! They have managed to create a dampening field, preventing all tech attacks!"

"Damn, that was pretty smart", Shepard remarked.

"Jacob, Miranda, can you lift them up?"

"Shepard, the damping field also disables the biotic amplifiers", Tali chimed in.

"Damn it! Well, I guess we have to do this the old fashioned way"

"Garrus, switch to sniper! I want that tech of theirs gone as soon as possible!"

"One headshot coming right up", the turian responded with his tired, sarcastic tone.

Suddenly, three of the mercs started raining down heavy covering fire at Mordin's and Shepard's positions.

The krogan surged from the cover and charged towards Jacob.

It moved extremely fast for an enormous lizard, and Jacob barely could react, before the krogan was on him.

The lizard swung his assault rifle, but the hit was deflected by Jacob's kinetic shields.

The force of the blow still swept him off his feet.

Jacob continued the motion, somersaulting back to his feet. He had created enough distance between them to use his shotgun. He pressed the trigger.

The shot was deflected by the krogan's shields, and it swung again.

Shepard could see Jacob dodging the krogan's blows, while the mercenaries had cleverly pinned Mordin and himself down, preventing all aid from reaching Jacob.

"Garrus! You, Tali and Miranda are now Fire team 1. You're the leader, I need suppressing fire. Pin those mercs down!"

"Where the hell are you going?", he asked, switching to assault rifle.

"Gonna take on a krogan in CQB!"

"Shepard, that's crazy!", Tali yelled.

"You hear that Mordin, we are gonna fight a krogan on hand-to-hand!", Shepard yelled over the radio as he dove from the cover.

"_Miranda, Tali. Switch to comm-channel three!", Garrus ordered over the radio._

"_Lawson, draw fire!", he continued._

"No, no,no,no! Krogan physiology extremely resistan--" his sentence was cut short as Shepard ran by him, grabbed his arm and pulled him with him.

"_Tali, fire!", Garrus yelled._

Shepard and Mordin had just reached Jacob's position, both of the men firing a burst from their weapons at the krogan.

"Rah!", the krogan staggered backwards as the bullets ricocheted off his shields, and when they were drained, his armor.

"_Team 1! Shield report!", _Shepard heard Garrus yelling over his helmet's comm.

The krogan swung at Mordin, and hit the SMG from his hands.

Mordin staggered to the left by the blow, pulling a salarian combat knife from his sleeve.

He slashed to the right and the knife cut across the krogan's face.

Orange liquid poured out of the wound.

The krogan countered by pushing the salarian away, sending Mordin sliding on the floor.

"_Tali, flank left, keep 'em out of balance!", Garrus barked another order.  
_

Shepard hit his rifle's butt to the shoulder of the krogan.

The krogan staggered, then tossed Shepard away like a rag doll.

Jacob fired a shot from his shotgun.

The shot landed to the krogan's shoulder, ricocheting off his armor. The krogan staggered forward, and Jacob fired a another, hitting the krogan to the side. Orange liquid splattered at the impact.

The krogan charged while Jacob fired a third shot, hitting the krogan straight to the chest.

Before Jacob could fire again, the krogan had already ran over him.

The collision felt like being hit by a truck.

Jacob laid on the ground, his head spinning.

"_Urgh!", Garrus growled on the radio._

"_Shields down, taking cover!"_

Suddenly, a knife flew across the air, landing on the krogan's eye.

The krogan bellowed in pain while Mordin fired a shot from his M-6 Carnifex pistol. Another burst of orange liquid.

"Catch this!", the krogan roared, while tossing his assault rifle at the salarian The rifle landed on Mordin's shoulder, knocking him off his feet again.

"_Shepard! We are taking heavy fire! They have a Revenant! We can't hold on much longer!", Garrus yelled, his voice pained._

Shepard fired his shotgun, the blast hitting the krogan to the shoulder.

_"Lawson, suppressing fire. Tali, take cover_"

The krogan turned, and swung his huge fist. Shepard dodged under the blow and countered with the butt of his shotgun to the krogan's chin.

"_Lawson, where's that suppressing fire!?"_

The krogan knocked the shotgun from Shepard's hands, and tried to hit him with a straight right.

Shepard spun around the punch, unholstering his pistol. He straightened his arm, pistol now directly in front of the krogan's face. It's one remaining eye widened from surprise.

Shepard pulled the trigger, and the krogan fell to the ground, it's face a bloody pulp.

"Garrus, status report!", he ordered immediately.

"Lawson's pinned down, I've taken a shot to the shoulder, and Tali's trying to pin the bastard down from Mordin's former position!", Garrus reported, his voice clearly pained.

"Garrus, I'll draw fire, take him out!", Shepard shouted, surging from Jacob's cover.

He ran towards Mordin's cover, where he saw Tali firing.

"_All fire, now!, Garrus yelled over the radio._

Shepard heard his shields buzzing from every hit they took.

He wouldn't last till the Mordin's cover.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Garrus taking aim at the merc.

The muzzle.

He dove to the Mordin's former cover, knocking Tali over.

"Got him...", Garrus said weakly on the radio, before falling over.

* * *

Shepard laid on top of Tali, who had instinctively wrapped her legs around him.

Both were still disorientated from their collision.

"Shepard?", she asked, stunned.

"Huh?", he mumbled, also stunned.

When she realized that he was on top of her rather...intimately, her face reddened.

_Why had she wrapped her legs around him?_

_This was embarrassing._

"Could you...", she asked sheepishly, gesturing with her hands for him to get up.

"Oh. Yeah, sure..", Shepard answered, and stood up, with a grunt.

As Shepard moved to get up, a quiet moan escaped her lips.

Oh Keelah...

She did not know if he had heard her, but her face still burned.

Shepard was taken aback when he heard the moan.

He coughed in surprise and embarrassment, his eyes bulging.

He had not found the situation to be particularly erotic.

Had not.

Did now.

He could feel the surface circulation of his face heightening and his mind traveling to a far more '_intimate'_ place.

Shepard stood up, offering his hand to her. She took it, and he pulled her up.

Shepard cleared his throat.

"I'll, uh, check up with Garrus, you go help Mordin and Jacob", he said quietly, avoiding eye contact.

"Right", she answered as quietly, also looking at the ground.

She started jogging towards Mordin and Jacob.

"Miranda, make sure the mercs at the center are dead", Shepard ordered with a cold tone.

"Yes, Commander", she replied blankly.

Shepard sighed, and walked towards Garrus.

He desperately tried to shake the '_intimate_' thoughts from his mind.

But.

It was not like he hadn't thought about it before.

Especially after she had told him that she was...

...interested...of the idea.

It was actually her idea.

Interested was a wrong word.

She had wanted it.

The thought made him uncomfortable.

She was not human.

But she was still very attractive.

He wondered if there was something wrong with him.

His thoughts were interrupted by two gunshots.

Miranda.

"It's done", she said on the radio.

Garrus laid on the floor, back against the cargo box.

"Hey", he said weakly, as Shepard knelt down beside him.

"How's my squad leader?", Shepard asked, grinning.

Shepard was getting the medigel ready.

"He's been better...", Garrus answered tiredly.

"...but also worse", his mandibles started to flicker.

Shepard began to apply medigel to the wound on Garrus' shoulder.

"Your armor's a mess"

"It's my lucky armor"

"You don't look very lucky"

Garrus chuckled, then flinched at the pain.

"You always gotta make me laugh?", he chuckled painfully.

Shepard had finished with the medigel, and saw Garrus' pain lessening noticeably.

He got up, and offered his hand to the turian.

He took it, and by using the rifle as a walking stick ,and by pulling from Shepard's hand, he managed to get himself up.

"Thanks", he said.

Shepard nodded and padded him on his healthy shoulder.

They walked towards the place were Shepard, Mordin and Jacob had fought the krogan.

Jacob was sitting, leaning on his knees and Tali was helping Mordin to get up.

"You gentlemen all right?", Shepard asked.

"Yes sir. Hell of a stunt you pulled through though", Jacob moaned, still trying to shake the stars in his eyes.

Mordin was now also up, rubbing his shoulder the gun had landed on.

"Reckless decision. Not tactical. Not prepared. Relying on one's skills very much. Maybe too much? Hmm. Still. Have always succeeded. Still succeeded", Mordin babbled quickly, going through his thoughts verbally. He inhaled deeply. "Hard to believe"

"You'd rather have Jacob dealing with the krogan by himself?", Shepard inquired, eyes narrowing.

"No. Did not mean insinuate that the decision was a wrong one. All survived. Right decision. Maybe the best decision. Still, impressive", Mordin answered, brow wrinkled.

"I'm glad to have your approval", Shepard said strictly.

"Okay, take your time to collect your selves, the next stop is the elevator"

* * *

Shepard and Garrus now walked towards Miranda, who still stood near the bodies of the mercenaries, tapping at her omni-tool.

Before arriving to her, Garrus asked a question.

"How did you kill the krogan?"

"I pulled the trigger"

"Shepard..."

Shepard sighed before beginning

"I dodged his straight right by spinning to the left. Then I just pointed and shot"

"Nice move", Garrus said in admiration.

They arrived at Miranda, who was still tapping at her omni-tool.

She lifted her gaze, and nodded "Commander"

"I heard two shots", Shepard said blankly.

"Two were still alive. Barely. I aided their passing", she answered with her usual cold tone.

Shepard nodded, staring at the corpses.

The mercenaries had put up a hell of a fight.

But it was better to make sure that they didn't shoot them in the back.

To show respect for his enemies, he closed all of their eyes.


	8. Insight

**Your reviews really helped to improve, thanks for that.**

**Actually changed many things because of them, and trying to change more.  
**

**Of course, can always use more...**

* * *

The team of 6 had squeezed themselves into a small cargo elevator.

It was very uncomfortable.

"Good thing we didn't bring Grunt with us", Garrus joked.

The joke had all in the elevator chuckling, even the cold Miranda smiled.

When they were nearing the top floor, Shepard spoke:

"We are nearing the top. Everyone get ready", he begun, his voice holding a steely tone, hiding his nervousness.

"We must surge through the door immediately after they open. They could be waiting for us the same way we had been waiting for them. Seek cover immediately"

"Tali, you see anything?"

"I can't detect any lifesigns at the elevator's immediate vicinity", she answered, tapping her omni-tool"

Shepard nodded, feeling slightly better.

Of course, they could be blocking their signals.

The elevator beeped, and the doors opened.

The whole team surged through the door, seeking cover wherever they could find it.

Shepard kept waiting for the gunfire to began, but none started.

"Jacob, Garrus, scout the room, the rest of you, sit tight", he ordered over the radio.

Garrus and Jacob dove from their respective covers, and began scouring the room.

After a moment, they signaled an all-clear.

The rest of the team got up, and began wandering the large room. At the far-end of it was a closed door. Both Garrus and Jacob had their guns pointed to it.

"Everybody, form up", Shepard ordered, pointing the door.

The team took their positions around the door.

"Tali?"

She immediately began working on the panel. Minute later, she stood up, looking embarrassed.

She turned towards Shepard "I...uh... it won't open"

"Oh", Shepard said, surprised.

"Well, we'll get someone else to open it, got plenty of tech guys", he continued, shrugging.

"No, you don't understand. They...uh", she answered, staring at the floor.

Shepard realized what she was struggling with. She was always extremely modest.

"...are not as skilled as you", he said matter-of-factly, completing the sentence for her.

She looked at her squad mates sheepishly, but saw none of them disagreeing. Few of them even nodded in agreement.

"Yes", she muttered, still feeling uncomfortable.

"Well? Get to work", Shepard said, nodding at the door.

"The rest of you, some R&R 'till the door opens. We are, however, going to put up a guard detail on that elevator", he pointed at the elevator.

"Dismissed".

* * *

Shepard walked towards Jacob, who was sitting against a cargo box.

"How are you doing Taylor? You took one hell of a beating", Shepard asked, kneeling next to him.

"Still a bit shaky, Commander. Don't know what would have happened if you hadn't shown up", he said, shaking his head.

He looked into Shepard's eyes and continued: "Thanks, Shepard"

Shepard sat down next to him, while answering with a grin on his face.

"What? You'd think I'd just leave you there?"

Jacob didn't answer, so Shepard answered for him.

"You did", Shepard answered, with a little disappointed tone.

"I'm sorry Commander, but it's just...", Jacob paused, looking for words.

"I've worked with the Cerberus so long and you get used to how things are done", he continued quietly, shaking his head.

"Nobody here trusts anybody. Nobody cares. And nobody's gonna watch your back. It's all bullshit.", his tone was scornful.

"I just...", he spoke hesitatingly, the scorn lost.

"I knew about the Torfan and I just thought...", he said apologetically, lowering his gaze.

Shepard sighed.

"Look, Jacob", Shepad lowered his head.

"There's no reason for you to trust me and I'm not gonna hold it against you"

Shepard stood up, now looking at Jacob strictly.

"But I don't leave my people behind, and it insults me that you think I do"

He saw Jacob lowering his head even more.

Shepard sighed again, this time deeper.

"You're a good guy Jacob, and you speak your mind. I appreciate that", Shepard said, the strictness of his voice now gone. He began to turn away.

"Just don't let them get to you"

Jacob nodded, now noticeably in a better mood.

* * *

Shepard approached Miranda and Mordin, who were having an argument.

He heard Miranda speak with a strict tone.

"No"

" But would pose no threat. Information not dangerous to Cerberus. Not damaging. Can't understand ", Mordin answered, obviously frustrated.

"It's classified", Miranda retorted with a cold tone.

"What's going on here?", Shepard asked, his brow wrinkled.

"Dr. Solus keeps probing me for information about the Lazarus Project", she answered, her whole face wrinkled in anger.

"Shepard. Information could be vital. Cure many ailments. Help countless people. Why keep it a secret?", Mordin now looked Miranda thoughtfully, his hand scraping his chin.

"Cruelty? No, silly reason. Exclusiveness? No. Too unpractical. Too expensive for large scale use. Profit? Already have a considerable funds. Still..." he paused, inhaling "....most logical conclusion".

Intense disgust was spread over his face, as he watched Miranda.

Shepard was slightly surprised to see such a reaction from Mordin. The doctor was always extremely calm and collected. Some would even call him cold.

He did not know Mordin very well, but had already gathered that inside his cold exterior, he genuinely cared about people.

"We need funds to operate", Miranda answered crossing her arms, her voice extremely cold.

Miranda. Some people called her cold, emotionless.

But Shepard could see through her. He saw that under the mask of coldness, was an insecure and lonely woman.

Shepard thought it was pathetic, but he could relate.

He was very lonely.

There were only two people who had never abandoned him.

Tali and Garrus.

Others, even Anderson, had turned their backs on him.

He could understand that. He was dead and it had been two years. People moved on.

That did not make him any less angry.

When Anderson told him that he had send Ashley to spy him, Shepard was stunned.

Denial.

Then he had punched him to the face.

Anger.

Anger was good, so Shepard had not even given Anderson a chance to explain himself. He just left.

Liara.

She was so wrapped up inside her pitiable obsession.

Everyone always had their damn problems, and they always ended up dumping them on him.

Ashley.

He did not even want to think about that, since it always made him want to punch someone.

He had saved all of their lives a countless times. He had dragged them to glory.

Shepard felt disgusted with his pathetic self-pity,his mind returning to the task at hand.

"Trading lives for money. Unethical. Unaccepta--"

"Shut up, both of you!", Shepard shouted suddenly and both of them looked at him, surprised.

"Find something better to do with your time", he muttered, turning away.

* * *

Dealing with the Cerberus' lackeys made his mood extremely bad, so he decided to visit Garrus, who had taken the first watch.

He was sitting against the wall, his assault rifle between his legs.

"Shepard", he greeted, giving him a very sloppy salute, not standing up.

Shepard already felt his mood rising, and started to grin.

"That's the way they guard in the turian army? No wonder we kicked your asses"

Garrus' mandibles started to flicker as he retorted

" We were just about to counter-attack", his tone was amused.

"Well", Shepard began to answer, crossing his arms "Your plan seemed to involve a lot of countering, and very little attacking"

Garrus chuckled and couldn't find a good counter.

"How's your shoulder?", Shepard asked, now with a concerned tone.

"Not too bad. Luckily the shot went right through"

Shepard sat down next to him, now more serious.

"You did pretty good at there Garrus. Three on three, and they had some serious firepower"

Garrus snorted, looking at the floor.

Shepard knew that he was thinking about his team.

"Have you found him yet?", Shepard asked, meaning Sidonis.

"No. But I will"

His voice was very determined, mirroring his thoughts.

"I'll be there when you do", Shepard said, slapping Garrus on the shoulder.

"I know", Garrus answered, still looking at the floor.

They said there for a while in silence, ending with Shepard speaking.

"I should go see Tali"

He got up, and started walking away, when Garrus spoke quietly.

"I wish you'd been there Shepard"

Shepard turned his gaze at the turian.

"So do I"

* * *

Shepard arrived at the elevator, where Tali was feverishly trying to open the door.

"How's it going?", Shepard asked, leaning at the wall near the elevator.

"Fine", she muttered, clearly annoyed at the distraction.

"Any ide--", his question was interrupted, when Tali snapped to him.

"Shepard! This lock is extremely delicate and one false move could jam it completely. Please, let me work"

Shepard felt a large grin spread over his face, before speaking.

"As delicate as your moaning?"

Her hands froze immediately, her mind trying to process the question.

He had heard.

"Y-you...you heard wrong",she stuttered, not moving her gaze from the panel.

"Really?", Shepard asked teasingly.

She could feel her face burning, but still tried to get out of it.

"I-it...it was a g-gasp...a yelp even. Y-you were very heavy"

But it was not working.

"Oh?", he asked, moving closer

"That's..." he continued quietly, putting his finger on her shoulder, moving it towards her arm "...disappointing"

It felt extremely good, but she still slapped his hand away.

"Stop that!"

Shepard took a step back and crossed his arms, still grinning.

She wished nothing more than for him to stay, but she had to work.

"I really need to work. Please go"

Her thoughts betrayed her voice.

"Sure. This time", he answered teasingly, still staring at her.

"Stop staring!", she snapped, her hands still not moving.

Shepard turned away.

Her mind was distracted for a whole minute, before she could continue.

Did he...want her?

She...she would like that.

No. She would want that.

She wanted him to be happy.

But did not know if she could make him.

Shepard began to walk away.

Then the thought struck him.

What the hell was he doing?


	9. Hesitation

**I'm on fire. Almost wrote this in one sitting.**

**Appreciate all the reviews, all the readers. I'm getting over 1000 hits per day. That's...crazy.**

**Got a question: I've been working on a system, that would let me take all 11 squadmates with Shepard during his missions. Too crowded? Shepard would act as a platoon leader, with Garrus and Miranda as his squad leaders.  
**

* * *

The door opened and the team charged in, weapons ready. They quickly searched the room for possible enemies, and when none were found, came the all-clear.

"All clear", Garrus reported through the radio.

The room had two three exits, including the door they came from. There was also a window, showing the bridge to the other tower. The bridge they had to cross.

"Tali, block that other door like you did before", Shepard ordered, and the quarian ran to the door on the left.

"Everyone else, stack up on the door. We are going outside"

The team took their positions around the door and after a while, Tali joined them.

"You detecting anything?", Shepard asked her.

"Very weak signals of few mass effect fields. Powerful ones"

"Snipers..", Shepard muttered.

This was not what he had wanted. The bridge was a natural bottleneck and those snipers were waiting for them, with them an unknown number of mercenaries.

"All right. Watch where you walk out there. What we gathered from the blueprints, this place is still in the middle of construction"

"Open and clear", he ordered, and the doors opened.

Shepard could feel intense wind and rain on his face, as he ran through the doorway. The area was a small ledge, working as an attachment point for the bridge between two towers. They quickly cleared the ledge, and positioned themselves along the bridge's head.

"Take cover where ever you can, and watch out for snipers", Shepard ordered.

"Garrus, Miranda. Come with me", waving them to follow.

They walked towards a small pillar, away from the rest of the team's earshot.

They knelt behind the pillar, and Shepard summoned a small holographic miniature of the bridge from his omni-tool.

"All right, any thoughts?", he asked, glancing at both of them.

"There's no way we can get over that bridge Commander", Miranda answered.

"The bridge is pretty bare", Garrus chimed in. "There is not enough cover"

"I can aid you", a fourth, raspy voice spoke.

"Who th-", Shepard began, turning towards the voice, pistol drawn.

"Identify yourself!", he ordered, pointing at the shadow. Miranda and Garrus also did the same.

A green faced figure clad in long leather coat stepped out of the shadow, his hands up.

"Krios", Shepard muttered.

The assassin's eyes narrowed and he tilted his head.

"You know of me?", Thane Krios asked, with a monotonous tone.

"You're the reason we're here", Shepard retorted, his pistol still pointing at the drell.

"Indeed?", Krios asked, tilting his head even further.

Shepard lowered his pistol, and is companions did the same.

"You are Shepard", the drell stated, lowering his hands.

"You've heard of me", Shepard answered, crossing his arms.

"Yes" The drell began to walk aimlessly hands behind his back.

"The savior of the Citadel, the first human Spectre",

His eyes narrowed.

"The butcher of Torfan"

He stopped for a moment, looking at Garrus. His head tilted slightly.

"You are the Archangel"

Garrus chuckled, before answering.

"It's just Garrus"

"Very well", the drell answered, still speaking with the same monotonous tone.

There was a short silence, before Shepard broke it.

"I'm on a mission, and I need your help"

"With Cerberus?, Krios was now looking at Miranda.

"We are on the same side, and I hope you are too", Shepard paused, narrowing his eyes. "Because on the other side are only corpses"

The drell tilted his head again.

"Indeed?"

He turned towards the view of Illium, rain falling down on his face.

"What is your mission?", he asked, still staring at the view.

"The Collectors are kidnapping entire colonies. Thousands of people have vanished. We are going to stop them", Shepard answered with a steely tone.

Krios turned his head towards Shepard

"Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega-4 relay", his eyes narrowed again. "No ship has ever returned from doing so"

Shepard grinned.

"We're special"

The drell turned to the Commander.

"It would seem so"

The drell looked as if he was deeply in thought, and for a moment, they all stood in silence.

"If Collectors are abducting innocents, they must be stopped", he paused, offering his hand to the Commander and Shepard shook his hand.

"Now. May I ask something of you?". Krios asked after they had shaken hands.

Shepard crossed his arms.

"Nassana", he muttered.

"Yes"

Shepard sighed.

"Well we're here already, so we might just go all the way. That still leaves the bridge though. Any ideas?"

"Yes. I can flank them"

"Well, why haven't you?"

The drell narrowed it's eyes again, before speaking

"I cannot do it alone. I need a distraction"

* * *

"This is so not good", Garrus muttered, shaking his head.

Shepard, Garrus and Tali stood at the bridge's head. The plan was simple: They distract the mercenaries, allowing Thane to flank them.

That was what Shepard, Garrus and Tali stood there for. Their job was to run to the bridge, distract the mercenaries and try not to die.

After Thane had drawn the mercs' attention, they would assault their positions.

It reminded Shepard of the plan the mercenaries on Omega had used to try and kill Garrus. The problem was, it hadn't worked. Shepard could not even use his whole team, since there was not enough cover.

"Shepard. I am in position", Thane reported over the radio.

"Let' go!", Shepard yelled, and began running down the bridge, with Tali and Garrus at his flanks.

They reached the half-way point, and the firestorm began.

"Take cover!", Shepard yelled, diving to the ground.

He crawled towards a large pillar and took cover behind it. Tali was right next to him, while Garrus was on the opposite side of the bridge, behind a similar pillar.

The firing of the mercenaries was extremely intense, and it kept the three of them completely pinned down. On occasion, Shepard lifted his rifle out of the cover, firing blindly at the mercenaries. He could see Garrus doing the same.

"Goddamn it! I hope Krios does his damn part!", Shepard yelled to Tali, who nodded.

Tali summoned her combat droid, which was disabled in seconds.

"Oh, poor Chikktika", she said sadly.

"You named your droid?", Shepard asked, grinning.

"Sure. Chikktika vas Paus", she tilted her head before asking "Don't you have names for your guns?"

Shepard wrinkled his brow.

"It's a gun. Why should it have a name?"

She merely shrugged.

The mercenaries began firing their heavy weapons, and the rockets crashed loudly on the pillars Shepard and his companions were hiding behind.

As one of the rockets hit the pillar, a thought hit Shepard.

What the hell was that with Tali before?

Why had he...touched her?

The thought of them being together kept crawling into his mind.

The idea was...intriguing, to say the least.

But she was not even a human.

Neither was he a quarian.

He did want her to be happy, however.

He just was not sure how to do that.

His trail of thought was interrupted by his radio

"I am beginning my assault", Thane reported.

"Good", Shepard answered dreamily.

He shook the thoughts from his mind, noticing that the firing of the mercenaries decreased a great deal.

Time to begin.

The battle would dull his mind. He would like that.

"Miranda, begin the assault!"

He could see the Jacob, Miranda and Mordin running down the bridge.

When they arrived at Shepard's position, his team joined them.

* * *

The team of six raced down the bridge, firing their weapons without aiming.

They had just reached the foremost positions of the mercenaries.

Mordin fired a burst at one of the mercenaries, dropping his shields. Shepard finished the job with the butt of his rifle. The helmet of the mercenary shattered from the impact, and he fell to the ground. The rest of the mercenaries were eliminated as well by a combination of small arms fire, and hand-to-hand attacks.

There was only a one way to continue deeper into the tower, a staircase. It would greatly favor CQB and even the odds against Shepard's heavily outnumbered team.

Mordin was the first on the staircase, and immediately a mercenary ran towards him.

He tried to swing Mordin with the butt of his rifle, but Mordin dodged the blow, while at the same time pulling his knife from the sleeve. The mercenary tried to swung again, and this time Mordin ducked under the blow, while slashing at the merc's achilles' tendon. The merc roared in pain, staggering forward. Mordin ended his life with a shot to the head.

The whole team was now fighting at the staircase.

Shepard could see Garrus fighting two mercenaries at the same time. He had been a hand-to-hand specialist in the turian army, and it showed. Despite his injury on the shoulder, Garrus was going through his opponents with a terrifying pace. He growled and roared like a cornered lion.

The two mercenaries at once were proving to be a little more of a challenge however. The batarian one tried to punch Garrus, who dodged the punch,

and countered by thrusting his sniper's barrel to the mercenary's face. The batarian staggered backwards, and Garrus hit a combination of rifle thrusts, kicks, and elbow strikes to his upper body, toppling the merc over. The other merc, a human, attacked him now from behind, taking a choke-hold with his rifle. The turian opened the choke by twisting the merc's wrist, then ducked under his arm, and kicked the merc to the back of his knee. The merc fell down on his knees, and Garrus broke his neck.

Shepard had just hit a mercenary to the chin so hard, that the merc actually rose up to the air, when he saw Miranda hitting one mercenary with a biotic high kick to the head. She was obviously an experienced kick-boxer, and Shepard could understand now why she wore her ridiculous outfit. It was obviously very flexible. She delivered another kick, this time to some other merc's midsection, who fell down.

The mercenary, the one Shepard had struck, grabbed Shepard and took him down. The merc began swinging his rifle's butt, and Shepard could barely shield his head. The mercenary's swings were ended with a knife to the back.

Tali.

"Dashing Commander fell down?", she asked, smirking.

Shepard grinned at her as she offered him her hand, and pulled him up.

The battle was chaotic. Members from both sides staggered around, punching and shooting at everything on sight. Shepard felt like being a part of those ancient medieval battles with swords and shields. It was actually very ironic. In a world where you had faster-than-light travel, artificial intelligence and enormous space stations, they still fought with sticks and stones.

Jacob tossed one mercenary aside with his biotics, and slammed another to the wall. One turian mercenary tried to grab him in a bear hug, but Jacob quickly dove to the merc's legs, and took him down. He ended the fight with a gruelling biotic punch.

Shepard raised his pistol, and fired. IThe shot hit the asari mercenary between her eyes, and she fell down. The fight was over.

It had been a massacre. Tens of mercenaries laid on the ground, dead or incapacitated.

Garrus was still gasping for air, growling silently. The violence still burned in the turians dark eyes.

It was extremely distorting to see such a calm and collected man transforming into something primal. Disturbing.

"You okay there champ?", Shepard asked him, placing his hand on the turian's shoulder.

Garrus' demeanour changed immediately.

"Yeah. That felt nice", he answered quietly, looking at all the corpses he had left in his wake.

Turians were naturally pretty aggressive, so they probably had kept more of their primal nature, than the humans.

"What are we going to do about the wounded?", Miranda asked, again with a cold tone of voice.

Shepard thought about the decision for a moment. He had never executed so many of his enemies at once.

"Kill them", Shepard said coldly.

They began searching the battlefield for the wounded, ending them.

Shepard felt his jaw bulging, as he pulled the trigger.

Again, and again.

One word kept crawling back into his mind.

'Dashing'.


	10. Guilt

Stupid paperwork.

Shepard was sitting at his desk, writing a report of the last mission. Usually Miranda handled this sort of crap, but the Illusive Man wanted to have his input.

Input.

He wanted to show his 'employer' what to 'input' and where.

The assassin continuously crept into his mind.

Thane Krios.

Krios was not what he had expected, and yet he was. Enormous discipline and willpower was required of the assassins. You would have to be able to wait for hours, even days for your target. Krios obviously had those, since he was one of the most successful.

His spirituality however, was surprising.

Surprising, because It indicated that he had morals. Murderers who killed for money couldn't usually afford to have morals.

The mission had been a complete success. Thane was recruited and Nassana had joined her sister. He smiled at the thought.

Shepard admired Nassana's competence and ruthlessness, but her ridiculous paranoia finally got to her. It was rather amusing.

Ruthlessness.

Or did he?

He may have admired it in theory, but the reality was very much uglier.

The battle.

He felt filthy.

He felt weak.

_Anger._

His personal comm rang.

"Shepard? Are you there?", a female voice asked.

_Tali._

Shepard didn't answer, but merely opened the door and stood up. She had barely entered the room, when Shepard began.

He cleared his throat before speaking.

"If this is about what happened on Illium...", he paused, clearing his throat again.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable"

He had sounded more formal than he had wanted, a side effect from trying to calm his feelings.

_What was he talking about?_

_Oh._

"What? No!", she gasped.

She looked surprised, and her fingers were fidgeting against each other.

"I-I mean...that it didn't", she stuttered, only realizing her sentence after it was finished.

"No, I..uh..I-I meant that I didn't even remember it", she looked to the floor sheepishly.

_That was a lie. She could remember it clearly. It had felt extremely good._

Shepard lowered his eyebrows, looking at her. She was clearly lying, but he decided not to add her discomfort, and changed the subject.

_Hoping that she left._

"If you say so. If that's all..."

"No", she said, raising her head.

"Could we...could we sit down?", she asked, glancing around the room.

_She truly felt like sitting down._

_Her knees buckled_.

"Sure"

_Shepard didn't really want to talk to her right now, but he knew that one way or the other, he would._

Shepard showed her a place on the couch, while he took the chair from his desk, and planted it in front of her.

"So, you, uh, wanted to talk?", Shepard asked after sitting down.

"Yes", she answered, leaning backwards.

_Just say it._

Her fingers still fidgeted against each other when she continued.

"About the last time we talked...", she said.

_She was trying to see, if he remembered too._

"Oh", Shepard said, surprised.

_Not now._

_

* * *

  
_

"I..", she continued, lowering her gaze.

_Say it._

"I'm sorry", she said apologetically.

Shepard wrinkled his brow again "About what?"

"I..uh..I wasn't thinking rationally when I said...those things", she continued slowly, pondering her words, lowering her gaze.

_Intimacy_.

"I was being stupid and selfish", she concluded, with a matter-of-factly tone.

Disbelieve mixed with the anger.

Shepard sighed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?", he hissed from between his teeth.

"W-what?", she asked, with an unbelieving tone.

Shepard slammed his fist on the table between them. Tali jumped from shock.

"Haven't you already done enough?", he continued, feeling the anger rising.

"W-what do you mean?", she asked quietly.

Shepard leaned in closer.

"Your selflessness is what led into this"

"I-I don't understa--"

Shepard rose up, interrupting her.

"You gave everything to the damn_ fleet"_

He said the word fleet with an intense disgust.

He snorted before continuing.

"And they just..." he shook his head, grinning scornfully "...spit it back to your face"

Tali lowered her head.

_What he had said was true._

_But it wasn't their fault._

"It was my decision", she whispered.

"Yeah? Like this? You just decide what's best for everyone?", he spread his arms.

Now she rose up.

"What can I say Shepard!?", she yelled, her voice broken. "We can never be together! Not like anyone else! I'm trapped inside this suit forever!"

"Oh, poor you!", Shepard yelled back.

_He immediately wanted to take those words back._

He couldn't, because before he could speak, Tali's hand hit his cheek.

His head turned by the force of the impact. He touched his cheek, and kept his head low.

"Tali.."

Tali ignored him, then turned and left.

Shepard stood there alone, his head hanging low.

He clenched his teeth together, feeling his eyes moistening.

Anger turned to rage.

Roaring, he kicked the table in front of him, sending it toppling over.

Glancing around the room in desperation, he felt a single tear falling down on his cheek. He fell to his knees.

_The guilt he had felt, couldn't even compare._

* * *

_How could he?_

Tali felt the tears of disappointment fall down her cheeks.

_He knew what being inside this...thing was to her. He had just slapped that away._

_He was sorry, she knew._

_But for once, selflessness was thrown away._

_She just wanted to punish him. Hurt him the way he hurt her._

So she left.


	11. Sharing

**Sorry, another short chapter coming up.**

**Got a storyline in mind, so bear with me...**

**Didn't have much time today to write, but managed to squeeze this in one sitting.**

**Hope you like it.**

**Hmm. Accidentally managed to copy the joke part from SG Atlantis...**

**Extremely sorry about the grammar errors. Will fix them.**

** Should be more careful...**

* * *

Shepard stood in the crew's shower. His own had malfunctioned, because apparently it was not designed to withstand gunshots from a close distance.

EDI had been pretty pissed.

He chuckled at the thought.

He had been there for over an hour. Taking a shower would usually help him to clear his mind, but it was not that simple this time.

He had royally screwed up.

The thing was still salvageable though. Even he knew that.

He just had to apologize.

At least, that's what he told himself.

But he did not know how.

Or if he even should.

He did not even know if he could make her happy. She might be happier with someone else, with another quarian.

It would be easier, if she just hated him.

* * *

Shepard opened the shower's locked door, and stepped outside.

He was walking towards the elevator, when a voice called.

"Shepard!"

He kept walking, ignoring the voice.

He was not going to listen to someone else's stupid problems.

A hand grabbed him.

"What are you, deaf?", the voice asked.

Shepard turned.

"What!?", he snapped.

Garrus.

The turian took a step back, his brow slightly wrinkled.

"You're in a bad mood?", he asked jokingly "Again?"

"Screw you"

"Right", Garrus answered blankly.

"Well,uh, you're obviously,uh, busy...so...I'll come back later", he said, turning away, walking.

"Garrus"

The turian turned.

Shepard sighed.

"What's on your mind?"

Garrus glanced around hesitatingly.

"Uh...could we...", he answered, pointing towards the shower.

They stepped inside and locked the door.

Shepard crossed his arms, and Garrus put his behind his back.

"Sidonis", Garrus said. "I've found him"

Shepard nodded "Where?"

"At the Citadel. Apparently he's changed his identity"

He snorted.

"Guess he fears that the_ Archangel _might be coming for him"

He stressed out the word 'Archangel' scornfully.

Eyes narrowed, voice cold, he continued "I'm happy to oblige".

"We'll get him", Shepard said blankly.

"Thanks", Garrus answered, nodding.

Suddenly, his mandibles started to flicker quickly and his eyes moved aimlessly.

Shepard's eyes narrowed. Garrus was nervous.

"You,uh, you want to talk?", Garrus asked nervously.

The last time he had asked that, Shepard had brushed him off rather coldly. He did not really expect a different treatment this time, but he was concerned over his friend.

Shepard lowered his gaze, not answering.

He did not want to talk.

He wanted to be alone.

Garrus straightened himself. He was a little disappointed.

He did want to know what was bothering him, but Shepard never talked.

"Never mind. It's none of my business", he turned around and opened the door.

He stepped outside, walking towards the main battery.

Shepard felt like an asshole, treating his friend like that.

It was not his fault, and Garrus was only trying to help.

He deserved to know.

"Garrus", Shepard called, again.

The turian turned around, again.

Shepard wove him to come back, and he came.

* * *

He was happy that Shepard would finally tell him.

That he trusted him.

"You remember the last time we talked?", Shepard asked.

"Yeah, at the sparring", Garrus answered, nodding.

Shepard sighed.

"You remember what I said about Tali?", he continued, lowering his head.

A sudden realization crossed Garrus' face.

"Ah..."

"Yeah", Shepard answered, sliding down the wall to the floor.

"Well, I screwed it up Garrus", Shepard said scornfully. "Big time"

"What do you mean?", Garrus asked, his brow now extremely wrinkled.

"Are you two,uh, together?", he continued, little unbelieving.

"I-I mean you did tell me that you,uh, liked her, but,uh, I didn't know tha-"

"I don't know", Shepard said, interrupting him.

Garrus sat beside him.

"Well, what happened?".

Shepard sighed deeply, before he began.

He told Garrus all about his and Tali's last two conversations, and Garrus listened all of it in silence.

It felt good to tell someone.

A load was lifted off his shoulders, and shared with someone else.

For the first time in a long time, Shepard felt, that he was not alone.

When he got to the last part, Garrus yelped.

"Ouch!"

"I know", Shepard answered quietly.

Garrus stood up, sighing deeply.

"Look, Shepard", he began, pacing around the room aimlessly.

"I'm not really good with this whole,uh , relationship thing, but..."

Garrus lowered his gaze.

"All I know is, that if you care about her, do something about it"

He paused for a moment, lifting his gaze back up.

"Because she cares about you"

"You knew?", Shepard asked, unbelieving.

"C'mon!", Garrus snapped, spreading his arms "It's pretty damn obvious!"

Shepard snorted.

Apparently he had been the only one who did not see it.

But he had.

He had just refused to believe it.

He just wanted to think that it was not obvious. That he had just not noticed.

He had lied.

"I...think so"

Garrus sat back down next to him.

"Good. I was afraid that you're even more stupid than you look", Garrus retorted, his mandibles flickering.

Shepard merely chuckled in response.

"So...", Garrus began.

"it was actually she who,uh, made the suggestion to,uh...", he paused, wondering if he should ask the question.

"...get out of her suit?"

Shepard glanced at the turian, his brow wrinkled.

"Why do you ask?

"Well,uh,you know...", Garrus started, clearly uncomfortable.

Shepard tried his best to hide his grin.

"I don't, what?"

"Well, she's quite,uh...", Garrus stammered.

"Hot?", Shepard asked, now grinning.

"Well, I was gonna say attractive, but,uh, yeah", Garrus admitted sheepishly.

He turned to Shepard.

"...but only as a friend!", he said quickly.

Garrus sighed deeply.

"Crap", he muttered "I'm gonna hear about this a lot..."

Shepard chuckled.

"Gonna make sure of that"

They sat in silence for a moment, before Shepard spoke quietly.

"Thanks, Garrus"

Garrus' mandibles started to flicker.

"Hey, that's what I'm here for", he answered, his tone light.

He leaned to the wall.

"Well, also to shoot things, but..."

His mandibles stopped their flickering and he turned to look at Shepard.

"You're welcome"

Garrus lifted his fist, and Shepard bumped it with his.


	12. Encouragement

**Hmmh...and another short one.**

**Sorry about writing these, but there is just so much you can do...**

**Also sorry about the grammar errors, damn I hate them.**

**Please report all of them you can find, and I will see them ejected...**

* * *

Calibration was pretty boring. All the person in charge had to do, was to observe the VI making the calculations, and if it made a mistake, reboot the program.

Problem was, it took hours, and the job required concentrating the whole time. Concentration one could not have with someone barging into the room all the time.

Garrus turned around to face the intruder.

"Hawthorne! For the last time, I do--"

His sentence was interrupted, when he realized who had came in.

"Tali!", he greeted.

It was surprising, but not unexpected

He immediately realized what she was there for, and shut down the calibrations, hours of work vanishing into the air.

She looked at him and tilted her head, eyes narrowing.

"You just lost all that work"

"Oh. Well yeah, but I, uh, figured that you're here for something important...", Garrus stammered.

She kept staring at him.

_Had he been expecting her?_

"So...you,uh, need me for something?"

This was not going well, and she wouldn't believe this farce for long.

"Yes", she said, still staring at him suspiciously.

She pointed towards the bench at the side of the room and they both sat down.

"It's...", she began.

...about Shepard. He already knew where this was headed, and was trying to figure out how to act as surprised as he could.

"...about Shepard", she finished.

"Oh!", Garrus gasped, clearly exaggerating.

That was just bad.

She glanced at him, her eyes very narrow.

_He had been expecting her!_

"Were you expecting me?".

Her voice was strict.

"No! I ju--", Garrus tried to stammer, but Tali interrupted him.

"Garrus", she said coldly.

He lowered his head in defeat.

"Yes"

_She was so wrapped up in wondering if he had, that she had not even thought up why._

_Shepard. He had not been surprised at her mentioning him._

"Have you..."

Don't ask.

"...talked with Shepard?"

Oh hell.

Garrus sighed deeply.

"Yeah", he muttered.

"Y-you have? W-what did he say?"

"A lot actually"

_She did not know what Shepard had said, but it obviously had something to do with her, since Garrus had been expecting her._

_But Garrus seemed to avoid the subject...  
_

"Like what?"

Garrus sighed again.

He really didn't want to be the third wheel of this one.

"Well, most of it was about you"

_She had known it. _

_But what had he said? _

_She needed to know._

_Stop avoiding the questions!_

"Well?", she asked strictly, her eyes narrowing again.

Garrus was about to start speaking, when he suddenly realized, that Shepard had not actually said anything. Not about what he was going to do, nor about how he felt.

"Well...", he started, trying to find something soothing to say.

"...he did tell me about the two of you talking."

His demeanour lightened up "Well, yelling mostly, but you get the picture"

"Garrus", she snapped,

"Sorry", he answered quietly.

_Sudden realization went through her._

_Had Shepard told him about her wanting to...be intimate with him?_

_She blushed at the thought, desperately trying to change the subject._

"D-did he...say a-anything about...the last time we, uh, spoke?"

Oh thank the spirits!

Garrus had feared, that he would have to rehearse everything he had heard of their, uh, sex life. Or the lack of it.

"Yeah, he did actually", he answered, perhaps a little too eagerly. Fortunately, Tali didn't notice.

He lowered his head.

"It didn't sound like it ended too good"

Tali's head lowered also.

"You are right about that", she answered quietly.

"Tali...", he began.

"I really don't want to be dragged into this", he raised his hands, glancing at her.

The turian sighed.

"So how about you just work your problems out?"

"It's not that easy", she answered quietly.

"Well it's not that hard either", he retorted, shrugging.

He started glance around the room aimlessly, his brow wrinkled.

"You both are making more of this than it is", Garrus muttered.

_What did he just said?_

"More than it is?", Tali snapped, her voice angry.

"How can you say that?! You don't know..."

She felt tears on her face again.

"You don't know how much it hurt", she said, with a quiet, broken voice.

Garrus lowered his head.

He really had not wanted to hurt her and should just learn to keep his mouth shut.

Garrus only wanted to help his friends, but did not really know how.

That did not stop him from trying.

"No, I don't", he said quietly "But I know he didn't mean it"

There was a short pause, then she merely nodded in response.

They stood up, and suddenly Tali hugged Garrus, who gasped quietly in surprise. Unsure of what to do, he clumsily patted her on the back.

She pulled herself away from him, but still held his hands.

_She smiled, the first time in many days._

"Thank you, Garrus", she said softly.

"Any time", he answered quietly.

She let go, and Garrus' mandibles started to flicker.

"Well, not too often, because your pick-up lines are pretty horrible"

"Y-you didn't!", she gasped, her face now burning. She slapped him on the shoulder.

"Dashing Commander?", he asked teasingly.

His mandibles flickered very fast.

_She wanted the floor to swallow her, but slowly a slight smirk formed on her face. She was not going to remain silen__t.  
_

She crossed her arms._  
_

"Remember the time when I told the idiotic volus about his air filters?", now she asked teasingly, eyes narrow.

He recalled the moment shortly, and chuckled.

"Gotcha..."


	13. Hate

Harkin saw Shepard approaching his hideout.

"Shit", he cursed, tapping at his private terminal. He was trying to delete as much of the records in it as possible. He was not going to prison.

The door on his right began to open. He grabbed the gun on the table, having finished deleting the data.

The door opened and Shepard surged through, followed by a quarian.

"Too late, asshole!" Harkin shouted mockingly, as he ran towards the door on the right.

The door opened, and his world went black.

* * *

"Get up"

The darkness began to fade, and Harkin could feel something poking him to his ribs.

He opened his eyes, and could see that it was an assault rifle's barrel. The assault rifle was held by a turian clad in a blue armor.

C-Sec?

No. The armor was extremely battered, C-Sec wouldn't allow such thing to be worn.

He thought for a moment, and then it came to him.

Garrus Vakarian.

"Get up," the turian repeated harshly.

As Harkin began to climb back to his feet, he noticed that his head was hurting terribly. He touched his forehead, and could see the blood on his fingers.

He was now standing up and the turian pressed him to the wall, with his forearm on Harkin's throat.

"Garrus," Harkin muttered hoarsely.

"Hello, Harkin," the turian greeted, with a cold tone.

Harkin could feel the pressure on his throat increasing.

"We can work this out, Garrus. You know, you scratch my back, and I scr--"

His sentence was interrupted by the turian's elbow strike to his temple. He fell down.

"Ouch!" Shepard yelped, and knelt next to Harkin.

"We're not here to scratch your anything Harkin," he spoke coldly, staring at him disgustedly.

"Tell us what we need to know, or that bruise will be the least of your problems" Shepard poked Harkin hard to his temple, the one Garrus had struck, making him grunt in pain.

"I still don't know what you want," Harkin grumbled, as he rose back to his feet.

"We are looking for a turian. His name is Sidonis," Garrus answered.

Garrus pushed him from his chest, sending him against the wall again.

"You helped him disappear," the turian continued scornfully.

Harkin growled silently, and lowered his head.

"Can't do that. I don't give out clients' na—"

Another strike, this time from Shepard, send him again to the floor.

"Enough of your games Harkin!", Shepard snapped, unholstering his pistol.

"Tell us what we want to know...", he paused, pointing his pistol to Harkin's head "...or I'll let you admire your brains decorating the wall"

"Fine," Harkin snapped, and Shepard holstered his gun.

Harkin went over to his terminal, and sent a message to Sidonis, asking him to meet his assistant at the Zakera Ward's transport hub.

"It's done," he said a moment later.

"Good," Garrus said coldly.

The turian draw his pistol, pointed it towards Harkin's leg, and fired.

The excruciating pain went through Harkin as the shot landed. He yelled in pain, falling down to his knees.

"A small memento," Garrus continued with his cold tone and the three figures turned to leave.

"Bastards", Harkin muttered.

One of figures turned, and slammed the butt of his pistol on Harkin's face. He felt his cheekbone crack at the impact, and crashed to the floor. Harkin laid there, his consciousness flickering.

He could see Shepard holstering his pistol.

* * *

Tali, Shepard and Garrus had just arrived to the hub by a private shuttle.

Garrus' mandibles kept fidgeting.

"We should have killed him," he muttered in disgust.

"Someone will. He's pretty incompetent," Shepard answered, shrugging "Besides, it's not like he killed anyone"

Garrus merely snorted in response.

"So, how are we going to do this?" Shepard asked a moment later.

Garrus glanced around, and saw a maintenance walk on the top of the street level.

"I'll take position in there," he pointed towards the walk.

Shepard nodded.

"You sure about this?" he asked, looking towards the turian.

"Positive," Garrus answered, hate dripping from his voice.

"You sure?"

"What the hell would you do Shepard? You think I shouldn't kill him?"

Shepard lowered his gaze "No"

"Then let's do this," Garrus said coldly, and stepped out of the shuttle.

Shepard did not know how to feel about this.

Sidonis was a traitor and he deserved what was coming to him.

But what would it do to Garrus?

Shepard had never killed a friend before.

Garrus would never admit it, but Sidonis was still his friend.

Hate and love were not extremes, but rather next to one another. Affection turned into hate easier, than indifference turned into either. He knew this first hand.

"Shepard," Tali spoke "Are you just going to let Garrus do this?"

She had apparently been wondering the same thing.

"I don't know," Shepard answered.

"So, you can still hear me?" she asked coldly.

_He had been ignoring and avoiding her the entire mission._

Shepard lowered his head.

"I can," he replied quietly.

"So, what?", she snapped.

"I don't know"

* * *

Tali and Shepard were standing in the middle of the hub. They saw a turian sitting on the bench, staring at the floor.

"Bring him closer. I want him to see me", Garrus said coldly over the radio.

Shepard managed to get Sidonis' attention, and winked him to come closer.

"Whatta hell is going on?" the turian asked as he came closer.

"Fade said that my cover was blown! By who?!"

Shepard stared at the turian disgustedly.

"_Step a little to the right, Shepard," Garrus said over the radio._

"I know who you are Sidonis," Shepard said coldly.

"Don't use that name!" Sidonis hissed.

"Garrus is standing right behind me, looking through his scope. Give me a one reason why I shouldn't step aside," he continued, his voice as cold.

_"Shepard! To the right!"_

"Garrus...", Sidonis gasped.

He began to glance around nervously, his mandibles fidgeting fast.

"Look", he spoke quietly "I-I didn't want to do it..."

He lowered his head.

"They got to me. Said they'd kill me if I didn't tell them"

The turian's voice was broken.

Shepard shook his head "You are not helping yourself"

His disgust towards the turian intensified.

"I know," Sidonis whispered, his eyes empty "Sometimes I just wish it were just over. I can't even look at the mirror.."

His head lowered even further.

"I disgust myself"

Shepard felt his disgust towards the turian fading away.

Sidonis was sorry, but it was too late. He deserved his fate.

Shepard nodded to the turian, who turned his head towards him.

"Thank you," Sidonis whispered.

Shepard took a step forward. He draw his pistol and pushed it's barrel on Sidonis' stomach.

The turian's eyes widened from surprise, he had expected a different reaper.

"Goodbye, Sidonis," Shepard said coldly, and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Shepard and Tali were waiting near the shuttle in silence, when they saw Garrus walking towards them quickly.

Growling, he immediately punched Shepard to the face.

Shepard staggered backwards, and Garrus grabbed him from his collar, pushing him against the wall.

"It was my team Shepard! My team!", Garrus roared "It was my responsibility! Not yours!"

Tali tried desperately to separate them.

"Garrus, let go!", she yelled.

Garrus pushed himself off and started to pace around. He buried his face on his hands, still growling. Shepard spat out some blood.

The turian stopped after a while and turned towards Shepard, but his head still hanging low.

He shook his head.

"I know you were trying to help, Shepard. But I didn't ask for it," the turian hissed.

He snorted, before continuing "I'll wait at the shuttle."

Garrus turned and went inside the shuttle.

* * *

Shepard slid down the wall to the ground.

He touched his lip, flinching at the pain.

"Shit"

Tali knelt beside him.

"Let me take a look", she said.

"No, it's okay", he muttered.

Shepard tried to prevent her, but her hands were already on his face.

"It's not bad", she said, standing up. She began to walk towards the shuttle.

"Tali", Shepard called, and the quarian turned her head.

Shepard sighed.

Garrus' words rang on his head.

Do something about it.

"You remember our talk at the drive core?", Shepard asked quietly.

She nodded. _The light from the core had danced on their faces. Romantic._

"I said I cared", he paused, snorting.

"I lied"

She now turned towards him completely.

_What did he mean?_

He lowered his head.

"It's more than that"

_What was he saying?_

"I...I did not give them the data at the Flotilla, because..."

She began to approach him.

"...because..", Shepard felt his eyes moistening.

She was closer.

"...because I can't hurt you", he whispered. He felt a tear falling down on his face.

She knelt beside him.

"I didn't say that I was sorry before, because I thought that maybe...maybe you'd be happier with someone else...with another quarian"

Shepard sighed again, this time deeper, and with wavers in his tone.

"I just want to make you happy", he whispered.

_She had not known._

_That he cared so deeply._

_It made her want to cry._

_She cried._

She put her hand on his squeezing it.

He lifted his gaze through their joined hands, all the way into her eyes.

_She smiled._

Her eyes glittered behind the mask._  
_

"You already do", she whispered.


	14. Disappointment

**This chapter might seem a bit weird with Garrus all acting out...**

**But I've gotten this proofread, so...**

**It actually even fits the timeline in my head, sort of...**

* * *

Darkness.

Complete darkness.

In the darkness, silence

Slow inhale.

In the silence, emptiness.

Slow exhale.

Peace.

The peace was broken by the sound of a door opening.

Thane Krios opened his eyes.

"Shepard," he greeted, without turning.

He heard the figure stopping.

"Do you need something?," Thane asked.

"How did you know it was me?," Shepard asked.

A flash went through Thane's mind. The pace of Shepard's step, the weight. The sound.

"Everyone's step is...different. Unique.," Thane answered. "I can remember them all clearly"

He heard Shepard walking again towards him.

"The drell have perfect memories, right?," Shepard said.

Most did not know anything about the drell. It was not surprising, because there was only so few of them, and almost all lived on the Hanar homeworld, Kahje.

It was a pleasant surprise.

Thane turned his head towards Shepard.

"You know of the drell?"

"Not as much as I'd like, I guess," Shepard answered, shrugging.

Impressive. The thirst of knowledge in such a man. Contrasting.

"Please, join me," Thane said, gesturing towards the chair on the opposite side of the table.

Shepard sat down. "That's gotta be hard. To remember all of your assassinations clearly"

"Hard? No. I did not kill them, my employers did. I was merely the tool," Thane answered.

"The tool that can think and make choices," Shepard asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"I was not trained to make choices, but to carry out my employers' orders," Thane replied, with the same calm tone.

Shepard narrowed his eyes, but apparently decided not to pursue this any further.

There was a moments silence.

"I apologize. I haven't had chance to introduce myself to you properly," Shepard said apologetically.

"There is no need. You are the Captain of this ship and many tasks require your presence," Thane replied.

"No, it's not that it's...," Shepard began hesitatingly. He cleared his throat. "...been more of a...personal matter"

Personal matter.

Another flash went through Thane's mind.

Exploring the ship. Engineering. The corridor with a large window. It shows the cargo hold. It is empty. The elevator opens. A quarian comes through. Walks towards the core room. Her pace is quick. Quiet sobbing. She vanishes behind the door.

He had seen the same quarian in Shepard's company very often.

Thane did not know if he was right, but even if he was, it was not his business.

"I...understand," Thane said.

Shepard's eyes narrowed again, but he didn't speak.

"You wish to learn about the drell?," Thane asked.

Shepard leaned back on his chair.

"No, I wish to learn about you"

Sudden realization crossed Thane's mind. The Kepral's Syndrome.

"Ah"

He lowered his head, slightly disappointed at the Commander's motives.

"You needn't worry. My illness will not affect the mission"

Shepard tilted his head.

"That's not what I asked"

Thane was surprised. He did not think that the reason would be the other one. Care.

"It was not?"

Shepard sighed, then put his hands on the table.

"I like to know my crew, and I like them to know me. It creates...unity"

Thane was a little disappointed at himself. He should not make such judgements about someone without seeing first hand.

"Forgive me," Thane said, bowing his head slightly "What do you wish to know?"

"Well...," Shepard began, leaning closer "...you could tell me about your illness"

Thane smiled inside. Genuine care, or making the other think that it was? Either way, he was impressed.

He told Shepard about the Kepral's syndrome, it's effects, what causes it, and how long he had.

"You seemed to have accepted your death?," Shepard inquired.

Thane had. The truth was, he had been dead a long time, maybe his entire life.

"There is nothing I can do about that. The only thing that remains, is acceptance," Thane stated matter-of-factly. "My training has aided me, since I have always considered myself as already dead"

Shepard leaned backwards again and looked thoughtful, as if pondering his words.

"Stoic attitude. Admirable"

"Ah, the school of human philosophy, created by Zeno of Citium"

Shepard wrinkled his brow "You seem to know a lot about humans"

"My perfect memory is a great aid in that regard. Information and knowledge are important to all assassins, and I am one of the best"

Shepard grinned and crossed his arms.

"Not so modest now, huh?"

Thane could feel a slight grin forming on his face. The Shepard's sharp remark had hit a nerve.

"I am merely stating the truth," the drell answered.

There was a long silence, until Shepard broke it.

"When I..." he paused, hesitating "When I was blown into the space...my suit ruptured" he said quietly and shrugged.

"I panicked, and it saddened me. I had wanted to die with dignity, with honor," he paused again, and sighed deeply.

"I thought about my friends, my crew. I had saved them, it was a good death"

he snorted, before concluding quietly.

"The thought made me happy, and I died with a smile on my face"

Thane tilted his head, narrowing his eyes. To hear someone telling about their death was...extraordinary, to say the least. Thane knew death intimately. He had killed many, but he had never known what went through the person's mind when they died.

"That's...," Thane began, searching for words to describe the event.

He could find none.

"I had not heard such a description before. Thank you," he continued, slightly bowing his head again.

Shepard nodded, rising back to his feet.

"I'll see you later, Thane"

Thane bowed his head in response.

After Shepard had left the room, Thane began to fall back into his meditations.

The impression he got of Shepard was...pleasing. He was clearly a very intelligent and cultured man.

Contrasting.

The word kept crawling back into his mind.

He had expected to find a stern, ruthless soldier.

He was again disappointed with himself. He should not to make such hasty judgements.

A single piece of wisdom popped up in his mind.

The measure of an individual is difficult to discern by actions alone.

It felt...suiting.


	15. Despair

**Man, this fic is starting to get way too sidetracked...**

**Gonna fix that soon, don't worry.  
**

**Gotta wrap this up first though...**

* * *

Garrus was sitting at the bench in the main battery.

Sidonis was dead, but it did not make him feel any better.

Now his whole team was gone, and he was the reason.

He shouldn't have tried to play the hero. He was not a hero, but a failure.

Everything he had ever done, ended up in such.

The army had almost tossed him out because of insubordination. 'Too rash, too reckless,' they said. He just could not understand their rules.

C-Sec. The Executor Pallin had practically hated him. 'Too rash, too reckless,' he said. Again, rules.

Shepard had at least let him do his job without any ridiculous regulations. Garrus had enjoyed his time with Shepard, he had made a friend. For the first time in his life, he had succeeded in something. Then he left. Another example of his stupidity.

Spectre training. He had thought that being a Spectre would be perfect for him. Wrong again. There were no rules or regulations, that is true, but nobody had the stomach to do anything. They were just hiding.

Then Shepard died, and he wanted to make him proud. To honor his memory. Spectres couldn't offer him that, so he left, again. Omega was perfect. No rules, no regulations, and for the first time, he was in charge. No Executors, no Council. He made the rules, and it led to the deaths of twelve good men.

He could not even give them justice. He couldn't even do that.

He was a failure as a turian.

The door opened.

"Oh, it's you," Garrus muttered hoarsely.

"Why are you sitting here in the dark?" Tali asked, tilting her head.

Garrus had shut down the lights. He didn't want to see himself.

"Don't know"

"I'm worried about you Garrus," she said.

Everybody was always worried. It annoyed him. Truthfully, everything annoyed him.

"Right," he muttered in response.

"You've been here for two days."

One 'Get over it' -speech coming right up. He didn't need this. What he needed, was Sidonis, but even that was denied from him. He had failed, again.

"Don't need a pep talk, Tali," he snapped "Just beat it."

"You have to talk to him," she replied quietly.

Shepard. He and his damn selflessness. Garrus had asked for one thing, Sidonis. He could have succeeded in his life at something, but Shepard had took that from him. He and his damn help.

"No, I really don't," Garrus replied coldly.

Tali lowered her head.

"I know you are angry with him, but he was only trying to help," she said quietly.

Help. He and his help. He seemed to decide who wanted his help.

"I didn't ask for his damn help!", Garrus snapped.

"So, you just wanted to kill Sidonis?", Tali snapped back "You just wanted to revenge?"

Revenge. This was not about revenge, but about justice. Twelve good men, dead. He owed them.

He should have known that he would fail.

"I wanted justice!" he yelled, standing up.

"Justice?", she asked, unbelieving "That's not justice, that's revenge"

She did not know. She had not seen them die before her.

He could not even give them justice.

"You are so naive Tali," he hissed. "What would you do if someone betrayed you? Betrayed everyone you cared about?"

"I don't know," she replied quietly "But revenge doesn't help anyone"

Again with the revenge. Even if it was, what did it matter?

"Call it what you want. My men deserved it," he hissed.

"You would have been a murderer."

His team had fought for him, died for him. He owed them. If he had to become a murderer, he would.

"I owe them", he said, now quieter, and sat back down "It would have been the least I could do."

Tali sighed and sat down next to him.

"Your team wouldn't have wanted you to do that," she said quietly.

What did she know what they wanted?

"They wouldn't have wanted to die in vain," he snapped.

"They didn't. They died for you," she whispered.

She was right. They had been so proud to fight and die for him.

He could remember seeing Sidonis' eyes, as he tried to please him, to make him proud.

The thought made him happy, and sad.

Why?

"They were good men. I didn't deserve them," he muttered.

"So are you. You gave them hope. They wanted to thank you."

Hope. Maybe he had, but now all hope was lost to him. All he could feel was despair.

Failure.

"Hope? I'm a complete failure, Tali," he said quietly.

She tried to say something, but Garrus silenced her by raising his hand.

"Everything I've ever tried, has ended up in a disaster. The army, C-Sec, Shepard, Omega..."

He sighed.

Despair.

"Good thing this is a suicide mission. Nobody's gonna have to clean up my mess again", he said scornfully.

"You don't really believe that", Tali whispered.

Garrus snorted.

How could he trust Shepard? Garrus had been there for him, and had only asked one thing in return.

Sidonis.

Shepard couldn't even give him that.

"The only thing I asked of Shepard..." he whispered,shaking his head slightly "He couldn't give me. I don't know if I can trust him any more"

Tali lowered her head.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she replied quietly.

"Not as much as me," he whispered.

There was a silence.

"Sidonis was sorry", she said, breaking the silence.

Sorry? Not sorry enough. Not sorry enough to die for them. Not sorry enough to end his pathetic existence.

He was sorry what it had done to him.

"He was sorry for himself," Garrus said coldly.

"Not everyone can be brave," Tali whispered.

He didn't need to be brave. Garrus' squad had been his brothers, sisters. He would have been glad to die for any of them. He had expected that they all would feel the same.

Failure.

"I should have chosen my team better. I failed," he muttered.

"Your team wouldn't want you to blame yourself"

They wouldn't, but he was still responsible. If he couldn't blame himself, who could he blame? Sidonis? It was his fault that Sidonis was even in the team.

It was his fault that he had betrayed them.

Garrus had betrayed them.

"I chose Sidonis. Could have killed them myself", he whispered.

"So you are just going to sit here?" she snapped "Drown yourself in self-pity and bitterness?"

No, he did not want to do this. But what could he do?

"I don't know what else to do," Garrus whispered.

"You could try honouring their memory," she snapped, and got up.

She walked to the door, opened it and turned her head towards him.

"Shepard can truly pick his friends. You are both the same," she hissed, then left.

Honouring their memory. How could he? What was worthy of their memory?

Continue to fight the good fight? Was that enough?

At least his death would redeem him.

He just hoped that it would be enough.


	16. Unworthiness

Mess hall. Middle of the night. Completely empty. It suited Garrus perfectly.

You're the same, she said. He chuckled at the thought. Garrus could remember Shepard brooding in the mess hall about Tali. Actually, on the exactly same seat as he sat now.

Probably why he had always liked Shepard, had bonded with him. They were so alike, and were not. He was a turian and Shepard was a human. The two species still had pretty strained relations over the 314 incident, so it was pretty ironic that his best friend would be a human.

Best friend. He felt as if Shepard had betrayed him, and yet he did not. Truthfully, he did not know what he felt, except pain.

What he knew was, that Shepard had shielded him, and he was thankful for that. But he didn't care what Garrus wanted. Garrus had asked for something, and Shepard wouldn't give him that. He couldn't trust him. He felt betrayed.

Or did he?

He did not know.

It was easier to have conviction. Kill Sidonis. Black and white, good and evil. Kill the evil, help the good.

He wished it were that easy.

As his team died, Garrus died. He never tried to leave Omega. He wanted to stay there with them.

Then Shepard came. He saved him.

He had gotten a second chance to avenge his men's lives.

But Sidonis was not an evil man, not a villain to be vanquished. He was only a coward and he suffered for what he had done. Garrus would have killed him in vengeance without Shepard.

Now, he only wished that he could have given Sidonis a release. The final rest.

His men would have liked that. Helping Sidonis.

Garrus should have never picked him.

His cowardice was Garrus' fault, his failure.

He had killed his men.

Hopefully, his death would redeem him.

Shepard sat down opposite to him.

"Shepard," Garrus muttered.

Shepard did not answer, but merely looked at the table.

Betrayal surfaced back into Garrus' mind.

He sighed.

"I know why you did it, and it was the right decision. But it was not what I wanted," Garrus said quietly.

"I know," Shepard answered quietly.

"I don't know if I can trust you."

Shepard's eyes narrowed, and he leaned forward.

"I may not follow your every whim, but don't talk to me like I've betrayed you," he hissed.

"Whim? They were my men Shepard! What would you do?" Garrus hissed back.

"The same as you," Shepard said coldly.

So he just admitted it? And only he was entitled to it?

Garrus leaned forward.

"And you just took that from me?" Garrus snapped.

"Yes."

That did not make any sense. Why would he do that? Why couldn't he just let him kill Sidonis?

"Why?" Garrus asked.

"Because you needed help," Shepard answered.

"I didn't ask for it!"

Shepard sighed.

"Sometimes you don't have to," he said quietly.

Garrus did not know what to say. Maybe he had needed help, but he had not asked for it. Maybe he should have.

Failure.

Garrus lowered his head.

"It would have given me a chance to succeed in something Shepard. For the first time," Garrus said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked, wrinkling his brow.

Garrus sighed deeply.

"I'm a failure," Garrus said "Everything I've ever done has ended up in a disaster. The army, C-Sec, Omega...and you."

"We did take down Saren," Shepard retorted "I'd call that a success."

And then he left the Normandy in search for glory in the Spectres, where he failed again.

"Yeah, and I left. I left the place where I finally had done something," Garrus said quietly, shaking his head "I wasn't even...I wasn't even there when you died."

Shepard lowered his head.

He started to chuckle.

"Remember doctor Saleon?"

Doctor Saleon. Garrus had almost forgot about him. Justice had finally been delivered to the sick bastard in a form of a bullet. The thought made him chuckle. Once.

"As I said, then I left."

"Let me say one thing.", Shepard said, leaning forward "You've never failed me, Garrus."

"When I saw you on Omega...", he began, staring dreamily at nothing "I was like 'man, Garrus has turned out to be a really tough guy'."

He started to smile, and he chuckled.

"I think I was proud," he said quietly.

Proud. Shepard was proud of him. It felt good.

Proud? The good feeling faded away. He had failed completely. He had accomplished nothing.

"I got twelve good men killed. That's nothing to be proud of," Garrus retorted.

"So did I, at Torfan", Shepard answered.

Torfan. Difference was, that Shepard's men had died for something, the objective was completed. The colonies were safe from batarians.

"You did your job. My men died for nothing."

Shepard looked into the turian's eyes.

"You never had a job. Your men fought for you. All of you knew that you could never win."

His eyes again stared dreamingly at nothing.

"But you still fought. For a cause. For honour."

He started to smile again.

"If I were one of your men...", he started, getting up.

"...I would have died with a smile on my face."

He turned and left, leaving Garrus alone.

His men had been proud, they had been glad to die for the cause Garrus had given them. He had given them hope and a reason. They were grateful.

He just felt inadequate for such a devotion. He wanted to repay it.


	17. Forgiveness

**This chapter is more of a introduction to the next, so I apologize the lower quality of it.**

**After reading this, you can probably guess what the next chapter is about...**

* * *

Briefing room. 0950.

Shepard stood at the far-end of the table in the middle of the room. He had called a meeting at ten.

Just when he was beginning to wonder where they were, the door opened.

"Oh, hi Shepard!" Tali greeted cheerfully.

Tali's graceful figure stepped inside the room, and the door closed.

Graceful. Shepard wondered why such a word first came into his mind.

"Hello", Shepard replied.

Tali glanced around the room.

"Where is everyone?"

Shepard shrugged.

Tali's eyes narrowed.

"The meeting is still taking place, right?" she asked. Her voice had a strange tone, but Shepard could not recognize it.

"You think I just called you here?", Shepard asked, smirking.

Shepard didn't really know why he lately felt the compulsion to tease her.

Especially after their last conversation. His existence would again bring her joy, instead of pain. It made him feel good and she deserved all the happiness he could give her.

Probably why her words of intimacy had occupied his thoughts for quite long.

He even had started to like the idea.

She was an alien, but that did not matter to him. Not anymore.

He just wanted to make her happy.

And even though she would not admit it, he knew she liked his teasing.

Tali tilted her head, and started walking forward gracefully.

Again. Graceful.

"It's a nice thought" she said quietly, with the same tone as before.

Ouch. She had ambushed him. He could now understand what the tone in her voice before was. It had been suggestive...

Shepard had been caught off-guard. He had been more right about her and the teasing than he thought.

She was now right in front of him, her head still slightly tilted.

Shepard felt the compulsion to touch her.

"Nice like..." Shepard whispered, putting his finger on her shoulder, and began to slide it down her arm "...this?"

Beep.

Shepard could see her eyes closing, even behind the mask. It made him smile.

The door opened.

Garrus.

He spotted Shepard's hand on Tali's arm.

Garrus merely coughed in surprise.

Shepard and Tali immediately pulled away from each other. It looked rather comical.

Garrus' mandibles started to flicker at the sight.

"What sort of a meeting is this?" he asked mischievously.

Shepard just wove him to come inside, and Garrus stepped in.

The atmosphere was quite uncomfortable, with Garrus interrupting their 'private moment'...

Tali and Garrus kept looking at the floor, while Shepard tried secretly to glance at Garrus.

The way Garrus carried himself had changed after Sidonis. His step used to be light, his posture relaxed. Now it seemed like that he had a heavy burden on his shoulders, weighting him down. The guilt.

Shepard hoped that it would not break him. He needed Garrus, and not just for the mission. Shepard felt bad. Guilty.

Grunt arrived, looking extremely distressed. Recently, he had been struggling with his violent nature, even more than usual. Shepard really did not want Grunt to throw a temper tantrum, so they were heading towards Tuchanka right now.

"Grunt, calm down" Shepard ordered, trying to sound both as soothing and commanding as possible at the same time.

Grunt growled.

"When are we on Tuchanka, Shepard?" he asked, sounding very agitated.

"We'll be there. I can't make this ship go any faster" Shepard answered strictly.

Grunt didn't answer.

Mordin walked in.

He also had business on Tuchanka, which made it even more important as the next destination.

"Shepard. Tali'Zorah. Garrus Vakarian. Grunt" Mordin greeted them all fast, nodding to each. Shepard and Garrus nodded back, while Tali greeted him verbally. Grunt merely growled.

The rest of the team came in. Thane, Jack, Jacob and Miranda.

"Everyone here?" Shepard asked, glancing around.

The team started glancing around as well, and after a moment, they nodded.

"Good. Gather around the table. All right. I'm gonna rework the command structure..." He tapped the large table twice, and holographic miniatures of the team members appeared on the table.

"There is too many of you for me to command at once, and it would be just stupid to leave the most of you behind, so..."

He tapped the table again, and the figures aligned in two groups. The group on the left consisted of Miranda, Jacob, Mordin and Thane, while the one on the right had the figures of Garrus, Tali, Grunt and Jack.

"Two squads, with Garrus and Miranda as the leaders. I'll be the platoon leader."

Miranda's posture straightened, while Garrus moved nervously.

Garrus was very unsure of himself.

Guilt again came into Shepard's mind.

"Shepard! I'm not gonna jump to the tune of the Barbie girl!" Jack snapped, pointing her finger at Miranda, who crossed her arms and frowned, looking angry.

"Jack, you're under Garrus..." Tali chimed in quietly.

Jack glanced at the table, and saw her miniature at the right side.

"Oh," she muttered, surprised .

"Well the turian better be good," she snorted.

"He is," Shepard replied simply "Any more _critique_?"

"Not to complain, Commander, but Garrus' team has all the specialists," Miranda said.

"It does, but the division has been made solely with the combat prowess in mind. I admit, you don't have a tech, but Mordin will have to fill in wherever he can. Mordin?"

Mordin seemed to be deep in thought.

"Hmm. The structure familiar. STG standard. Usually the platoon leader not in reserve though. Hmm. Risk--," he babbled quietly.

"Mordin?!" Shepard snapped.

Mordin startled and turned towards Shepard,

"Yes-yes. Will do."

"Anything else?" Shepard asked.

Nobody spoke.

"Dismissed"

…

"Garrus, could you stay for a moment?" Shepard asked.

Garrus glanced around, then remained stationary, his hands behind his back.

He was clearly not comfortable with his assignment.

"You okay?" Shepard asked.

The thoughts of Garrus breaking surfaced into his mind, along with the guilt.

"No," Garrus replied "Don't have a death wish anymore though."

Garrus' voice was completely joyless.

It worried Shepard.

"That's good to hear."

Garrus snorted.

"I know it wouldn't help anything," he lowered his head, sighing "Wish it did."

That worried Shepard even more. Garrus just seemed to have lost all hope. He wished that this would not last long, because it would kill him.

"You can talk to Kelly if you want," Shepard suggested.

Garrus chuckled twice, lifting his head.

"She would probably try to pick me up," he said dryly.

"No, she's actually very professional," Shepard chuckled.

"I don't think talking will help Shepard. Not with this," Garrus continued, again with the joyless voice.

Shepard moved nervously.

"You still blame me?" he asked quietly, his head hanging low.

"No. I blame myself."

Garrus lowered his head again, this time deeper.

"I just wish I had seen it coming."

He still blamed himself. He was broken.

Shepard had done this.

The guilt again surged into him.

Why did he always make things so bad? First with Tali, and now with Garrus.

He wondered how he had even managed to keep such friends.

He felt like a worm.

Garrus had called himself a failure, and Shepard could relate.

Garrus' charges of betrayal had first insulted him, but he had been angry at his charges, because they were true.

_A true friend doesn't get in your way, unless you're going down__._

But he had not gotten into Garrus' way enough.

He was broken.

It was Shepard's fault.

"No. You were right. I betrayed you," he said quietly.

Garrus lifted his head, frowning.

"I tried to help you, but I failed. I wasn't there for you."

Shepard lowered his head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

There was a short silence, before Garrus spoke.

"Shepard" he began quietly, shaking his head "You're about the only damn friend I have left."

Garrus offered his hand to him.

"It's done," he said.

Garrus forgave him. Such friends...

Shepard took his hand.

"Friends," he said.

Garrus' mandibles flickered and he squeezed Shepard's hand harder.

"Brothers," he said quietly.

Brothers? It sounded nice.

Shepard smiled.


	18. Rememberance

**Woo! Action!**

* * *

Tuchanka. The homeworld of the krogan. Shepard had heard of Tuchanka before, but had never thought that it would be so bad. The nuclear war had obviously taken it's toll. The whole planet was in ruins. His team apparently thought the same.

"This is the glorious krogan homeworld? The land of Kredak, Shiagur and Veeol?"

Grunt snorted, shaking his head "This chunk of rock is barely worth standing on. Never thought I'd miss the tank."

Shepard lifted his eyebrow, and turned towards Grunt "There was a nuclear war here, you know? What did you expect?" he asked.

Grunt merely growled in response.

Childish expectation, but Shepard could understand him. Grunt was still very childlike, since he was only a few years old and lacked experience. Even with his faults,Shepard liked Grunt. He reminded him of Wrex.

Wrex. He was apparently on Tuchanka, but that was all they knew.

The krogan were generally very interesting, with their conceptions of honor and strength. They had many rites, but most of them were secret, and there was not much info on those in the extranet.

But that was not why they were here. Mordin's and Grunt's problems were the only reason they ever stepped on this 'worthless chunk of rock'.

The team of nine began to travel towards a door, leading deeper into the Urdnot's camp. The door was guarded by several krogan.

"Stop, aliens!" the one roared, he was apparently in charge.

Shepard signaled for his team to halt.

"Something wrong?" Shepard asked, frowning.

"Yes," the krogan answered, then pointed his finger at the team "You are. You are in a wrong place. We should kill you where you stand!"

Shepard clenched his jaw. He really didn't want to fight them, but perhaps they had to. The rest of the camp might be upset though, because murdering the camp's guards would not be a really good signal of their good will.

"Then why don't you?" Shepard asked coldly, looking the krogan in the eyes.

The krogan growled deeply. It apparently did not like Shepard's defiance.

"The clan leader ordered us not to. Speak to him."

"Fine," Shepard answered, and the door opened. As they began to walk towards it, the krogan snapped again.

"And keep your pet in a leash! Or we will!", he pointed at Grunt.

Shepard turned towards him "You know what's wrong with him?"

The krogan growled again, even deeper than before.

"Clan leader. Now."

Shepard decided best to just leave in peace, so he remained silent.

* * *

The team walked through a long zigzagging corridor, passing through several krogan. Apparently they were quite happy on Tuchanka. It was surprising, because Shepard could not imagine anyone being happy here. Then again, krogan were very different.

They arrived to a large opening, which apparently was the main hub of the camp. In the middle, was a throne made of rubble, which was surrounded by guards. A very large krogan sat on the the throne, and was having some kind of an argument with a another krogan. The argument ended, when the large krogan head-butted the another. The team approached the throne carefully, since they couldn't afford to enrage the clan leader. One of the guards turned towards them.

"Stop! The clan leader is in talks. You will not disturb him," the guard said, signaling them to stop.

Garrus sighed in frustration.

"This again?" he muttered quietly.

Shepard shared his feelings.

"We were told to see him," he answered strictly to the guard.

The guard crossed his arms "You wi--"

His response was interrupted by a loud bellow.

"Shepard!"

The large krogan, who had head-butted the another one, was walking towards them quickly. Shepard turned towards the noise, when the large krogan grabbed him from his armpits, lifting him up. He could not believe who he was seeing.

"Wrex?" Shepard asked.

Wrex laughed with his deep voice, and lowered him down, offering his hand.

Shepard took his hand, and the krogan immediately embraced him in a one-armed hug.

"My friend," Wrex growled quietly.

"You're squeezing pretty hard.." he muttered to Wrex, in pain.

The krogan chuckled, but let go.

Wrex shook his head, still chuckling.

"Should have known that the void couldn't keep you."

He glanced towards the rest of the team, as if seeing them for the first time.

His eyes stopped, when he saw Garrus.

"Vakarian?" he growled, and walked towards him.

Garrus took a step back when Wrex approached him. His mandibles opened widely at the Wrex's offered hand. They had not been the best of friends. Hesitatingly, Garrus shook his hand. Wrex slapped him on the shoulder with his free hand.

"Should have known you'd be with Shepard", Wrex growled, then noticed the scars on Garrus' face. He growled lowly, before continuing.

"You look even uglier than the last time."

Garrus chuckled twice.

"Trying to imitate you," he answered.

Wrex tilted his head.

"Apparently so."

"Hello, Wrex", Tali chimed in, and Wrex turned towards the voice.

Tali wove at him with her fingers, and Wrex now walked to her, chuckling.

He spread his arms, and hugged Tali gently. Tali could barely get her arms around Wrex's one arm, let alone his whole body. Wrex had always got along well with Tali, probably better than he got along with anybody else on the team. He had always liked her fire. Most people would yield before him, but she wouldn't. He respected that. Both of their peoples had also lost their homes and bonded them together as well. They let go, and Wrex padded Tali on her head.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have the Fleet or something to take care of?"

Tali lowered her head.

"I was exiled," she said quietly.

Wrex took a step back and tilted his head, growling quietly.

"Well, so was I, but here I am" he answered.

Shepard could swear, that he saw the krogan smile.

* * *

The team stood at the approach to the tribe Weyrloc's base. The road zigzagged around the ruins, and at the end was a long, straight part. The silhouette of the hospital could be seen in the horizon. The two squads advanced carefully towards it, taking cover behind ruins and wreckages. Shepard advanced with Miranda's squad on the left, while Garrus' squad handled the right side.

"Noise reported," Garrus said on the radio, and the whole team fell down on their knee.

"Any life signs?," Shepard asked, and could see Tali opening her omni-tool.

After a few seconds, Garrus reported back.

"Over twenty."

"Send a scout," Shepard ordered.

He could see Garrus sending Tali and Jack to investigate.

They advanced slowly towards the source of the noise. The screeching sound became louder and louder, as they approached it. There was a fallen pillar, and the sound came from behind it. They crouched in front of it, and carefully tried to peek over it.

"Vorcha..." Tali muttered.

Along with the worm-like vorcha, there were several varren and members of a third species, which she could not recognize. They reminded her of rachni.

They ducked down again and Tali turned to Jack.

"Do you know those insect creatures?" she asked.

Jack shrugged.

"Don't know, don't care. They'll die like the rest," she answered, sounding annoyed.

Tali tapped the side of her helmet, activating the radio.

"Shepard, many vorcha, probably twenty. Also, several varren and a few of an unknown species. They look like rachni."

Shepard growled quietly. That was many hostiles. Luckily, the whole team was there.

"Grunt, any idea what the rachni things are?" Shepard asked.

The krogan growled, trying to remember them from the tank-imprints.

"Klixen. They spit acid, and explode when dying," he answered, and started to chuckle "Sounds fun."

Not to Shepard, it actually sounded quite the opposite. They would have to take them out from a distance.

"All right. Miranda, we'll set up an ambush. Garrus, you'll draw them in. The vorcha are aggressive and pretty stupid, so they'll fall for it. Keep your distance from these klixen things, they seem to pack quite a punch when near."

Miranda and Garrus nodded, and began to move into positions.

* * *

Miranda's team, along with Shepard, had taken positions at the end of the road, careful to remain out of sight. Rest of Garrus' team, Grunt and Garrus himself, had joined Tali and Jack at the fallen pillar.

"In position," Garrus reported.

"Go when ready," Shepard ordered on the radio.

Garrus' mandibles fidgeted a few times, but he managed to steel himself.

"We went through this. Tali and Jack, you're Duo 1. Me and Grunt, Duo 2."

They all were crouched behind the pillar, waiting nervously for the order.

"Duo 1, open fire. When they return it, get down and fall back to waypoint 1. Go."

Duo 1 got up from the cover, and immediately began firing at the vorcha. Tali's shotgun blast hit one of the vorcha to the shoulder, and it staggered backwards, screeching horribly. Meanwhile Jack fired her shotgun at one of the klixen, removing one of it's legs. The surprise only lasted for a couple of seconds, then the vorcha started to return fire.

Tali and Jack took cover again, and began to crouch-run towards waypoint one. The waypoint 1 was another pillar, about 10 meters towards the ambush point. As they ran, Garrus issued another order.

"Grunt, covering fire!"

The krogan and the turian got up, and started spraying fire at the vorcha. Few vorcha fell under the fire, while the rest tried now to focus their fire on Garrus and Grunt.

Garrus could hear his shields ringing as the shots hit them, but he still kept firing. They had to keep at it until Tali and Jack were behind WP1.

"Garrus, we're ready!" Tali reported over the radio.

"Grunt! Fall back!" Garrus yelled to the krogan next to him, and they started running towards the WP1, while Tali and Jack began firing, providing cover fire for the Duo 2's withdrawal.

As soon as Garrus and Grunt had reached WP1, Duo 1 started running towards WP2, while Garrus and Grunt again provided support.

The waypoint 2 was a large truck, which had fallen over. It was their final destination. When Tali and Jack reached it, they started firing, while Duo 2 withdrew with the vorcha on their tail, repeating the same pattern as before.

"Shepard, we are nearing your position" Garrus yelled, panting "Get ready!"

Now both Duos were behind the truck, and the ambush began.

"Miranda, fire," Shepard ordered.

Miranda's team, along with Shepard, rose to their feet, and started firing.

The combined firepower from nine weapons firing at the vorcha was devastating. They were ripped to pieces, and only a few got through.

One of them climbed over the truck, and lunged at the Garrus' team. Grunt grabbed it from mid-air, slamming it to the ground. He finished the job by stomping it's head.

The varren were killed quickly, but one of the klixen managed to close in on Miranda's position, tossing her aside.

Jacob immediately lifted the klixen off the ground with his biotics and Thane threw the klixen at a nearby pillar. Mordin finished the job by tapping his omni-tool, sending a burst of fire at the klixen, setting it on fire. The klixen screeched horribly, burning. After a moment, only ashes remained.

Shepard straightened himself, and could see the rest of the team doing the same.

"Good job," he said over the radio, walking towards Miranda "Garrus, guard the hospital."

Garrus confirmed, and Shepard reached Miranda, who was rubbing her neck.

"You all right?" Shepard asked, offering his hand to her.

She took his hand, and rose back to her feet.

"I apologize Commander. I was quite careless," she said, still rubbing her neck.

"Think none of it. Your team did pretty impressively with the klixen. Your idea?"

"Yes. The rachni were vulnerable to biotics, so I assumed it would be the same with the klixen."

"Quick thinking. Good job," Shepard said, and nodded.

"Commander," she said and nodded, with a slight smile on her face.

* * *

The team was now approaching the hospital. It was very sturdy, and seemed to be more like a bunker than a hospital.

"It's strange that the krogan take such special care for their wounded," Tali remarked, voicing Shepard's thoughts.

"Must be strong. Krogan aggressive. Especially when tissue regenerates. Dangerous. Violent. Unpredictable. Lesser building would fall apart," Mordin informed.

They had just reached the front door, and Shepard ordered Miranda's squad to form up on it. Tali could not find any lifeforms inside, so they opened the door, and surged in.

"Clear, but one human casualty," Miranda reported after a few seconds.

Shepard and Garrus' team walked in, and Shepard saw Mordin bent over the human body. Shepard knelt down besides him.

"Human?" he asked "Why are they using humans? I thought this was about the genophage."

Mordin had summoned a holographic image of the man in front of them.

"Yes." Mordin answered, without lifting his gaze from the hologram "Merely concept testing. Principles. Humans useful as test subjects. Genetically diverse. Larger reactions for smaller stimuli. Hmm..."

"What?"

"Position of the tumors suggest deliberate mutations on adrenal, pineal glands. Modifying hormone levels. Counter-attacking the glands hit by the genophage. Smart."

"Smart? As in they are about to cure the genophage?"

"Impossible to say. Need more info. Theory quite sound though."

Shepard got up.

"That's actually pretty intriguing, but we have go."

"Yes. Maelon a priority."

They arrived to the next room, and this time Garrus' team cleared it.

After the all-clear came, Shepard, along with Miranda's team, entered. The room was large, and in the middle were four crates in a square formation. The room also had catwalks on each wall, making it ideal for an ambush. As the team reached the square, the door behind them slammed shut. They turned towards it, and then the door in front of them locked with a loud click. An ambush, like Shepard thought before.

"A trap. Good," Grunt growled, glancing around the room, looking for targets.

"Tali, get us out of here. Now," Shepard whispered to Tali, who began tapping at her omni-tool.

A door on every four catwalks opened, and several krogan, along with many vorcha surged in. Shepard's squad was completely surrounded, and the only cover was the four crates. Luckily, they provided cover from all sides.

"Damn. This ain't gonna be easy," Jacob muttered.

One of the krogan on the opposite wall catwalk stepped forward.

"I am Guld, the clan chief of the glorious clan Weyrloc!" he bellowed, spreading his arms.

"Humans!" he shouted, pointing at Shepard "You are surrounded! Surrender now, and we'll let you leave!"

"Screw you!" Shepard shouted back.

"Hah!" Guld chuckled "Do you wish your krantt to die? They will, if you stay!"

"What I wish is Maelon. Give him to me and I won't kill you all," Shepard retorted.

Laughing could be heard around the room, but Guld was not laughing.

"The salarian will help me lift the clan Weyrloc to glory! First we will conquer Tuchanka! Then we will overwhelm the galaxy!"

He began to pace around.

"The asari can teach their foolish philosophies, while we boil them for our stews!"

Shepard tried secretly to reach for the rocket launcher on his back.

"We shall rip off the scales of the turians, and leave them for the varren to eat!"

"That's not nice," Garrus muttered.

Shepard managed to take the launcher down, holding it in his hand.

"The salarians shall be kept as slaves, and their eggs will be eaten as a delicacy! "

Mordin glanced at Shepard, both disturbed and amused.

Shepard gave the launcher to Grunt.

"Surrender! Now!" Guld roared.

"Sure! Grunt!" Shepard yelled.

Grunt brought the launcher on his shoulder quickly, and fired a series of rockets towards Guld.

"Get down!" Shepard roared, and the whole team took cover behind the crates.

The rockets hit the catwalk and exploded. The whole thing collapsed, and the krogan on it were ripped to pieces.

The rest of the enemy managed to recover from the shock, and started firing.

* * *

The firing was truly horrific. Shepard's team was completely pinned down. The krogan had the elevated position, and superior firepower.

"The launcher is out?" Shepard asked.

Grunt growled in agreement, nodding his head.

"Tali, open the damn door! The rest of you, return fire and try not to die!" Shepard ordered.

The team fired blindly at the krogan, too afraid to stand up. Sometimes one of the biotics managed to toss one of the hostiles off the catwalks and slam the unlucky enemy to the ground.

"Tali, how's that door?!" Shepard asked the quarian next to him.

"I'm trying!

"Try harder!"

She didn't answer, but Shepard could hear her muttering something about a bosh'tet.

Shepard crouch-walked to Garrus.

"Any ideas?" he asked the turian.

"Yeah. Don't get into this sort of a situation," Garrus said, firing blindly.

"Thank you! I hadn't thought about that!"

"I try."

Shepard turned to Mordin.

"Anything, Mordin?"

"Hmm. Toxins? No. Krogan and vorcha resilient. Cannot incapacitate. Hmm. Can at least provide smoke cover when retreating. We are retreating, Shepard?"

"Yeah. As soon as Tali opens the door on the opposite side, we're out of here."

"Good-good-good," Mordin answered, returning fire blindly.

Shepard walked back to Tali.

"The door. Now!" Shepard yelled to her.

"Stop interrupting, you bosh'tet!" she yelled back, clearly frustrated.

"What the hell is a bosh'tet anyway?!" Shepard asked.

"It's a...The door! It's open!"

The door on the opposite wall opened. Luckily, the catwalk over it was blown to pieces by Grunt.

"Mordin, you go first!"

Mordin was probably the least durable member of the team.

"Yes-yes-yes," Mordin muttered nervously, then shot something out of his omni-tool. The object hit the ground, and it began to smoke. The smoke spread all over the room, making it very hard to see. The firing of the krogan decreased considerably. Mordin ran towards the door, and got through it with ease.

"Jacob!"

Jacob cranked up his barriers, then ran through. The smoke still provided good cover, so he got through easily.

But it started to dissolve.

"Tali!"

Tali summoned her droid, and it appeared at the half-way point towards the door.

She began to ran and smoke kept dissolving. As the smoke dissolved, she started hearing her shields ringing from the firing. Luckily, some fire was drawn by Chikktika. She lunged forward, somersaulting back to her feet. Then she dove through the door.

Shepard sighed with relief. She was through.

"Garrus!"

Garrus surged out of the cover, and immediately his shields began buzzing and ringing. The door kept getting nearer, when his shields collapsed. The shots ricocheted off his armor, but one of them found it's mark. The bullet hit him on his head-fringe, hurting terribly.

Garrus growled from the pain, and staggered through the doorway.

Quite graceful. Another sigh of relief from Shepard.

"Sorry about this, but I have to go next! I'm not as tough as you guys!" Shepard yelled, and could see his team nodding.

He ran towards the doorway, his shields buzzing. Shepard armed a flash grenade, then dropped it to the ground. It went off, and the effect apparently stunned the enemy for a second, because he got through easily.

"Thane!" he yelled immediately after he got through.

Thane lunged from behind the cover, somersaulting, rolling and flipping around as he tried to dodge the bullets. That he even managed to return fire when doing so was an incredible feat. Thane got through and next came Miranda.

She was a very powerful biotic for a human, so her barriers managed to keep her safe.

Then Grunt ran through. His tank-like armor made him practically impervious to small arms fire. He was, however, bleeding from his bare arms, but those wounds would regenerate fast.

Finally, Jack. She raised her barriers, and was completely invulnerable to the enemy's fire. She stopped and turned towards one of the catwalks, raising her hands. Roaring, she swiftly brought her hands down, and ripped the catwalk off the wall. All the krogan and vorcha on it fell to the ground, clearly shocked. Jack jogged through the door, and Tali locked it down.


	19. Bonding

**Ta-ta-ta-taa!**

**Commander Shepard, the legend of Tuchanka: part 2...**

***you know hear the Indiana Jones theme in your head*  
**

* * *

The team took a little break before continuing . The rest of the krogan had to probably take a detour, which would give Shepard's team enough time to patch themselves up.

"Did someone manage to count the number of those krogan?" Jacob asked, sitting down.

"Yes," Thane replied, with his usual calm voice. "Ten krogan, 27 vorcha. I managed to wound three of the krogan."

Jacob's mouth remained open.

"How did you manage to count them?" he asked.

"The drell have perfect memories," Thane stated simply.

"That's pretty impressive," Jacob answered.

Thane merely bowed in response.

Maybe the drell was not just only a mercenary. But even if he was, he was a courteous and useful mercenary. That was good enough for Jacob. For now.

* * *

Shepard walked towards Tali, who was sitting against a wall, looking tired.

"You okay?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, but the opening was very exhausting," Tali answered, her voice clearly tired.

Shepard sat down next to her.

"Good enough for me," he said.

"Thanks," she said, putting her head on his shoulder. Shepard smiled, and put his arm around her neck. She reached for the arm's fingers and took two of them, squeezing them inside her hand.

"John," she whispered.

* * *

"Ouch," Garrus grunted.

"Sorry about that. Will be more careful," Mordin replied, as he spread medigel on Garrus' head fringe.

"That was pretty close," Garrus muttered.

"Yes. Close. Scraped the head. Nearly pierced. Deadly," Mordin answered.

"Thanks for the encouragement, doc."

"Not encouragement. Warning. Self-destructive behavior. Have noticed," Mordin paused for a second, before continuing "Wish to talk?"

Garrus did not really know how to feel about this. He did not know Mordin very well.

"Don't think talking will help," he answered.

"Maybe not. Maybe will. Cannot know. Easy to find out. No risks," Mordin retorted.

Mordin's words made sense, so Garrus decided to talk.

He sighed.

"My team. I should be with them. I feel dead," Garrus said quietly.

"Ah. Crisis of faith. Have had one myself. Tried religion. Didn't work. Ended up on Omega. Wanted to help. Something easy," Mordin answered, inhaling.

"Ethically easy. Help the helpless. Do good," he concluded, with a lot more slower pace than normal.

"Redemption..." Garrus muttered.

"Yes. Can call it that. Is that," Mordin sighed "No other option."

He made it seem so easy, but it wasn't. His team had deserved something. Honoring their memory, like Tali said. He just didn't know how.

"I'll think about that," Garrus said quietly, and nodded.

"No-no-no! No moving the head!" Mordin snapped, and Garrus could feel sudden pain on his head fringe.

Garrus grunted again.

* * *

The team was now again advancing towards their objective: Maelon.

Another door. Tali's omni-tool scan revealed that behind it was another large, open room, this time with three floors. There were two ways up. Garrus' team would take the opposite side, while Miranda's team, along with Shepard, would take the stairs on this side.

They stacked up on the door, and then surged through it.

Garrus' team immediately began charging towards the opposite wall. When they reached the stairs, enemies entered the room through the doors in the second floor.

"Contact!" Garrus yelled, dropping to one knee, simultaneously firing a burst towards one vorcha. The vorcha's arm ripped off from the firing, and it fell to the floor. Garrus' team started ascending the stairs to the second floor.

Miranda's team had just reached the second floor, and had been pinned down by the enemy. The stairs had led to an open, railed corridor, with two bridges. The bridges led to the opposite side of the room, where Garrus' team could be seen fighting. The stairs leading to the third floor were behind the stairs Miranda's team had came from.

The enemy had taken positions at the nearest bridge. They were taking cover behind the railing. One of the vorcha poke it's head out for a second, and the head exploded. Shepard could hear a gunshot from a sniper rifle.

"Hostile neutralized," Thane reported.

Thane and Miranda were taking cover behind a small, fallen pillar. Miranda fired a burst from her SMG at one of the vorcha, hitting it's shoulder. The vorcha staggered, but did not fall down.

Jacob and Shepard were on the opposite side of the corridor, taking cover behind a large cargo box. Jacob tossed one of the vorcha off the bridge biotically. The vorcha screamed in terror, as it fell to it's death.

"Mordin, where are you?" Shepard asked.

"Directly in front of you," Mordin answered. He was inside a small hole in the wall, and was very near the first bridge.

"Mordin, flank the enemy. Everyone else, suppressing fire!" Shepard ordered.

Mordin surged from the hole, while the rest of the team began firing. Mordin sprinted past the first bridge and took cover behind the corridor's railing, flanking the enemy.

"Kill the salarian!" one of the krogan yelled, and two of the vorcha began to advance towards Mordin.

He could not fight two vorcha at the same time.

"Shepard! Vorcha advancing. Require assistance!" Mordin yelled over the radio.

"Thane, take either of those advancing vorcha out! Now!" Shepard yelled.

"Affirmative," Thane confirmed, and took aim.

After a second, he fired, and the left vorcha fell down, half of it's head missing.

"Target down," Thane reported.

The surviving vorcha jumped over the railing, landing on top of Mordin. The vorcha tried to strangle him, but Mordin managed to sweep him and was now on top. He carefully tried to keep his head low, so the enemy couldn't fire at him.

While Mordin wrestled with the vorcha, Shepard tried desperately to get out of this situation.

"Garrus! What's your situation?"

"Almost at the third floor. We're fighting a couple of vorcha. Just downed two krogan," Garrus reported, and intense gunfire could be heard in the background.

"You see our situation? With the krogan on the bridge?"

After a few seconds, Garrus responded.

"Yeah. I do now. Need help?"

"Would appreciate it!"

"I'll send Grunt to flank them. Garrus out."

Shepard began to chuckle at the thought of Grunt charging into the enemy's rear. It was going to be a massacre.

"What are you laughing?" Jacob asked.

"Grunt's gonna flank them. Should be pretty funny," Shepard answered, grinning.

"Yeah, guess so," Jacob agreed, grinning slightly.

Another gunshot from a sniper rifle sounded, and this time a krogan got hit. It staggered for a couple of seconds, then fell down.

"Hostile neutralized," Thane reported.

Only five vorcha, and the leading krogan were still standing, and one of those vorcha was still wrestling with Mordin.

Terrifying roar sounded, and Shepard could see Grunt running down the bridge towards the enemy.

"Assault the bridge!" Shepard ordered, and the team of four got up and also began running towards the bridge.

Grunt had reached the enemy, and tackled the leading krogan to the ground. Four vorcha remained, one for each. Jacob reached his hand forward while running, the hand flickered with blue energy, then quickly pulled it back. One of the vorcha hit their face to the bridge's railing, and it staggered backwards. Miranda finished the job with a bullet to the head.

Thane jumped to the corridor's railing, running along it. When he reached the bridge, he hopped to the bridge's railing, then somersaulted forward, landing directly in front of one vorcha. It tried to aim at Thane, but he disarmed it by spin-kicking the rifle out of it's hands. He continued the spinning motion and leg-swept the vorcha. It fell down, and Thane pointed his SMG to it's head, ending the vorcha's life. Another vorcha tried to grab him, but Thane managed to slip under it's arm, throwing it to the ground. Another burst of his SMG.

Shepard fired few shots to the chest of one vorcha, making it drop it's shotgun. The vorcha charged towards Shepard, who kicked it to the groin. The vorcha staggered, and Shepard grabbed the vorcha from it's belt, throwing it over the railing.

Meanwhile, Grunt had lifted the leading krogan over his head, and slammed it to the ground head-first. The krogan still growled quietly, but Grunt ended it with two blasts from his shotgun.

Only one vorcha remained, and it was still wrestling with Mordin, who had finally gotten the upper hand. Mordin tried to push his combat knife's tip to the chest of the vorcha, who had grabbed Mordin's wrists, desperately trying to push the knife back. Mordin put his weight on top of the knife, and removed one hand from the handle. He activated his omni-tool, and sprayed something from it to the vorcha's face. It's head froze solid, and it went limp. The knife sank into the vorcha's chest. Mordin pulled it out, and got up. He wiped the knife carefully on the vorcha's trousers, then holstered it on his sleeve. As the vorcha's head began to thaw, it started to move. Calmly, Mordin took out his pistol, carefully aiming at the vorcha's head, and fired.

"Mordin! To the third floor!" Shepard yelled on his radio.

"Yes-yes," Mordin answered, turned around and began to run towards the stairs.

* * *

As soon as Garrus sent Grunt to help Shepard, the resistance intensified.

They had reached the third floor, which only had one door. Probably the lab. The third floor was not like the second, two open corridors linked together by bridges, but an actual room. There were tens of cargo boxes scattered around the room, which made finding cover easy. The enemy had taken positions in the front of the door. Tali, Garrus and Jack had managed to advance slowly towards them, diving from one cover to the next. Now in front of them was a large, open part of the room, with no cover. Advancing forward was getting very difficult.

"Shepard, we could use Grunt. You done with him?" Garrus asked over the radio.

"Sending him towards you now," Shepard answered.

"Gotcha. Garrus out."

"Grunt's coming, but we should try to get across anyway. Jack you go first, try to draw as much fire as possible. Tali and me are gonna be right on your tail," Garrus ordered on the radio.

"Whatever," Jack answered.

"Tali, get over here," Garrus ordered the quarian.

"Right," she responded, and crouch-ran to Garrus' position, then sat down next to him, back against the box as well.

Garrus poked his head out from the side of the box, trying to see the shortest way to the other side.

"Okay. Jack, go!"

Jack stood up, flickering with blue energy, and began jogging across the open. The krogan and the vorcha immediately began firing at her.

"Tali, now!"

Tali and Garrus stood up at the same time, and started sprinting towards the other side. Garrus fired bursts from his battle rifle as he ran, and could see Tali and Jack doing the same. As they were nearing the other side, he dropped to his knees, and slid on the floor to cover. All three of them had gotten through, and Garrus poke his head out from the side of the box again. He saw about ten enemies, four krogan among them. One of the krogan had a Revenant light machine gun in his hands.

The enemy started to concentrate their fire on them again and he immediately pulled his head down.

"Damn it..." he muttered, sitting with his back against the box. He returned fire blindly, when Jack shouted on the radio.

"Nice fucking job, turian! Now what?"

She was at Garrus' right, behind another box.

"We draw fire from Shepard's team. They'll be here soon!"

"What about Grunt? How can he get here now?" Tali asked.

She was sitting right next to him, behind the same box.

"Damn it!" Garrus snapped, then tapped the side of his head, activating the radio.

"Shepard, keep Grunt with you. He can't reach us anymore."

"Roger, radioing him now. You okay?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, for now. But if they start to advance, we won't last long. You better hurry!"

"We're just there. Hold on! Shepard out."

They sat there for a while, firing blindly at the enemy. Suddenly, the sounds of gunfire increased dramatically. Shepard's team.

"We're here Garrus! Good job with drawing their fire! We'll advance in turns. We go first. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, we'll be ready. Garrus out."

From the corner of his eye, Garrus could see Shepard's team of six advancing, sprinting from cover to cover, like his trio did before.

"We'll be ready for what?" Tali asked, overhearing Garrus speak.

"Shepard advances till he can't. Then we do, and so on," Garrus answered.

"But there's only three of us."

"We'll do what we can."

Garrus tried again to watch Shepard's progress, when his radio came alive.

"Garrus, you copy?", Shepard asked.

"Loud and clear," Garrus answered.

"I'm gonna send Grunt to you as soon as possible."

"Gotcha."

"Shepard out."

After a moment, Garrus could see a large krogan jogging towards them.

"Grunt's coming!" Garrus shouted on the radio, then pointed towards the approaching krogan.

"How the hell did he get through?" Jack asked.

Garrus was about to answer, when his radio came alive again.

"Advance!" Shepard ordered.

"Copy," Garrus answered.

"Tali and Jack, you go first!" he ordered, and all three of them stood up. They began running towards the nearest box at front left, while Garrus provided support. He managed to kill off one vorcha. Only about 6 enemies were left, three of them krogan. The Revenant holder was still alive, and kept firing towards Shepard's team. As Tali reached the box, Grunt ducked down next to Garrus.

"Grunt! Nice of you to join us," Garrus greeted.

"Garrus," the krogan growled, nodding.

"Our turn now," Garrus ordered, and Grunt nodded again.

They got up, and ran towards a box on front right, while Tali and Jack provided support. The enemy had not yet managed to concentrate fire on them, but it started to already intensify.

Garrus and Grunt reached the box, and it was Tali's and Jack's turn again. They advanced towards another box on their front right, while Grunt and Garrus provided support. The firing was now very intense, and Tali and Jack barely made it to the next cover.

"Garrus! Shields down! We can't go any further!," Tali yelled over the radio.

"Gotcha! Try to hold on!" Garrus replied, then activated his radio. "Shepard, we can't advance any further! Your turn!"

"Got it. Watch out if you get a chance to take out that Revenant-guy. Thane already managed to take a shot at him, so his shields should be low," Shepard answered.

"Copy. Garrus out."

The firing again decreased, encouraging Garrus enough to take a peek.

"What are you doing, turian?" Grunt asked.

"Gonna take out the one with the Revenant," Garrus answered, switching to sniper rifle.

"Hmph. Hiding in the shadows, sniping. Weak," Grunt growled.

Garrus turned towards him.

"You have a better idea?" he asked strictly.

"I prefer a straight-up fight," the krogan growled.

"Straight-up fight is not gonna cut it," Garrus snapped, then turned back to observe the Revenant-shooter. He carefully lifted his rifle on top of the box, and looking through the scope, he had the target in his sights. Grunt also poked his head out from the side of the box, trying to see the shot land. Garrus held his breath, and squeezed the trigger.

The shot landed directly to the head of the krogan. Orange liquid splattered at the impact, and the krogan fell down behind a box.

"Ha! He's dead meat!" Grunt roared, obviously having forgotten his own words about weakness.

Garrus' mandibles flickered twice as he duck back down, activating his radio.

"Shepard, he's down."

"I saw. Impressive. You can start firing as well, there's only few of them left," Shepard replied.

"Understood. Garrus out."

"Fire at will," Garrus ordered, and his team began firing.


	20. Dependance

Shepard was resting on his bed. The last mission had been exhausting. He had taken a few bumps, but nothing major. Unlike Garrus. Shepard chuckled at the thought. Garrus just couldn't catch a break. It was already the second time he got hit. Garrus' staggering through the doorway at the ambush had been pretty funny.

But it was a good thing he was all right.

Maelon.

When they found him, the rescue mission had turned into a sabotage mission. He had been trying to cure the genophage and his lab had to be destroyed, but Shepard had convinced Mordin to keep the data. It might come useful.

Shepard snorted. Maelon had been very reckless. He could not know what would happen. The krogan could attack again. The genophage may have kept the galaxy safe.

Their natural aggression was not the krogan's fault, but the salarians'. Like Mordin said, they had uplifted and used them as a blunt instrument against the rachni. Very short-sighted, but maybe necessary. The krogan had not been ready for space-travel.

Wrex, however, could change things. He was trying to unify the krogan under one banner. United krogan, cured from the genophage, would make excellent soldiers against the Reapers, and could maybe even be integrated back to the galactic society. But Wrex had a lot of resistance. This Uvenk fellow, for example. Shepard snorted again. If traditionalists like him were in charge, it would only lead to stagnation. This could be seen around the galaxy. Turians, for example, are very conservative, and so are their methods. In the First Contact War the small human fleet had given them a beating.

The door of his cabin opened. Shepard had ordered EDI to open the door automatically to Garrus and Tali, so it had to be either of them.

Shepard rose up to a sitting position, then greeted his guest.

"Tali."

She was clearly nervous. Her fingers fidgeted against each other, and her head was hanging low.

"Something wrong?" Shepard inquired, frowning.

"I, uh, I want talk to you about something..." she said, glancing around.

Shepard moved to the edge of his bed, then patted a place next to him. She sat down on it.

"You remember what I said about...intimacy?" she asked hesitatingly.

"Oh!" Shepard gasped.

He glanced at the bed. He had known that this moment would come, but hadn't expected it to come so soon. He had never been with an alien before. The thought made him nervous.

"So you,uh, want to,uh, do this now?" he asked.

She quickly turned her head towards him, shaking her head.

"What? No!" she gasped.

_Her face went bright red. She hadn't expected that he took her words like that. But her gasp had sounded like that she didn't want this. Which was not true._

Her fingers fidgeted quickly against each other.

"I...I-I mean y-yes, but...I..." she babbled.

_A sudden realization ran through her. What had she just said? Yes? It was even more horrible than the last one. Always the babbling. Stupid defense-mechanism._

Her head lowered down in embarrassment.

"Keelah...I can't believe I just said that..." she muttered.

Shepard chuckled in puzzlement. Yes or no?

"Then,uh, what are you doing here?"

Her fingers kept fidgeting.

"I.." she began quietly.

Her fingers slowed down.

_She should just tell him._

"I don't know if I can be with you, Shepard. I want to...but...", she continued, still quietly "We are in these suits for a reason. I-I could get sick."

Shepard frowned.

"How sick?"

"It could kill me," she said quietly.

_Good job Tali. That'll encourage him._

"O-or the reaction c-could be minor!" she said quickly. "I-I don't know!"

Shepard felt bad for her. Trapped inside, separated from everything she cared about. It was tragic.

"You could die?" he asked quietly.

She turned to him, shaking her head slightly.

"'I don't know..."

She lowered her head back again.

Silence.

She wanted so much to please him, but Shepard didn't need that. He only needed her.

"Tali," Shepard said quietly, moving his hand on top of hers. She squeezed his hand.

"I...I'd like to...but I don't wanna hurt you." he continued, still quietly.

He leaned closer.

"You don't have prove anything to me," he whispered.

_Why did he have to be so selfless? Couldn't he just think of himself? Why did he have to make this so hard? Her eyes started to moisten._

"It's not about that," she whispered, her voice shaking "I just..."

_Tears.  
_

"I don't want to die Shepard, I just...," she said, her voice starting broke. "I just want to be good to you."

"To give you something you deserve."

"Something...".

Tears fell down on her face.

Her pain hurt Shepard terribly, buy he didn't know how to help her.

He took both of her hands and pressed his forehead on hers.

"I don't want you to die either," he said quietly.

Tear fell down on his cheek.

"I don't think I could live without you," Shepard whispered.

_Her crying ended. What had he just said?  
_

She slowly pulled away, lifting her head, watching him. Shepard's head stayed low.

_Such words..._

Tali moved her hand on his cheek, wiping away his tear with her thumb.

"Nobody has ever said anything like that to me," she said softly, stroking his cheek.

"It's the truth," Shepard said, not lifting his head. More tears fell.

_They made her so happy..._

She gently lifted his head, and their eyes met,

"I can minimize the risks. Let me be good to you," she replied, with a soft, quiet voice.

If she would die, he would die. But he couldn't deny anything from her.

"Yes."


	21. Trust

**Warming up for the next chapter, which is going to be like:**

** 300 - Mass Effect style...**

**Man that sounds horrible...**

**Something else: If you think that I'm getting too side-tracked with the story, let me know. I'll focus on Tali and Shepard more then.  
**

* * *

Thane Krios sat at his desk in the life support area. His eyes were shut, and he was deeply in thought. Irikah, Kolyat, Kahje, his contracts. They all went through his mind. He could remember all of them clearly.

The door behind him opened almost silently. It was strange, since usually the door made a lot more noise.

Footsteps, silent. Like one was sneaking. He still managed to recognize the pattern, the sound, the pace.

"Shepard," Thane greeted, and the Shepard stopped.

"Damn," he cursed.

Thane frowned "What is it that you are doing?"

"Just tried to spook you," he replied, and Thane could hear him shrugging.

Thane could feel the sides of his mouth rising, as he began to smile. Shepard's...prank was childish, but it still amused him.

"You needed something?" Thane asked, and could hear Shepard walking forward again, but now normally.

"Just came to see you, but since I'm here, you could tell me what you think about the new organization changes," Shepard asked, and was now standing next to Thane.

Thane turned his head towards Shepard, and gestured him to sit down. Shepard bowed his head slightly, then sat down to the chair opposite Thane.

"So?" Shepard asked, crossing his hands on the table, lifting his eyebrows.

"The three teams -arrangement of today?" Thane asked.

"Yep."

Now Thane crossed his hands.

"I do not have much teamwork experience, so I cannot commentate on the efficiency of the new tactical make-up," he stated, matter-of factly.

"Well," Shepard replied, frowning "...you were under Miranda's command during the last mission, and you are right, you've worked alone most of the time. How have you adapted?"

Again, Thane was slightly puzzled. He did not still quite trust the Commander, but he exhibited genuine care again. Or did he? His question could also insinuate that he wondered if Thane could work with maximum efficiency. Thane wondered, if his long time alone had made trusting others exceptionally hard. Trust was important part of teamwork. He did not know if he was an asset to the team, or a burden.

"My training has taught me to adapt. It is also important to all assassins."

Shepard began to grin, and leaned back.

"And you're one of the best?" he asked teasingly.

Teasing? And the practical joke he attempted before. A flash went through Thane's mind.

Turian and human. Shepard and Garrus Vakarian. Conversing. Joking. Teasing each other. Fists touch.

Thane had watched Shepard's interactions with the Archangel, Garrus Vakarian. They had obviously known each other for a very long time, and were friends. Teasing seemed to be a sign of friendship. Shepard considered him a friend? Or perhaps it was merely his personality?

Thane returned back to the conversation, but now Shepard was staring at him, his brow wrinkled.

"Are you okay? You seem to be at somewhere else," Shepard asked.

Apparently Thane had fallen deeper inside his thoughts, than he had known. One of the disadvantages of his memory.

"Forgive me. I did not mean to disrespect you. I was merely thinking," Thane answered. "My perfect memory sometimes makes it easy to 'fall' into a memory. When memories are as 'real' as life, they become as valid."

"Hmm. Sounds a little like solipsism," Shepard answered.

Solipsism. The idea that your own mind is all that exists. A felicitous analogy. Thane chuckled once for the Commander's sharp wit.

"Yes. I suppose it is fitting."

Shepard stared at him for a moment, as if pondering something.

"If I didn't know for sure, I wouldn't believe that you are an assassin."

Thane wondered what Shepard meant. His personality?

"The same could be said of you," Thane replied.

Shepard clenched his fists, and moved them under his chin, supporting it to them. His brow was once again slightly wrinkled and his eyes were unfocused.

"I think both of our jobs require certain kind of a mindset. You just don't seem to have that," he answered.

Thane's eyes narrowed.

"You mean the will to kill?"

Shepard nodded.

"I have been thoroughly trained to do nothing else, but kill. I do not need to will it," Thane stated, again matter-of-factly.

"But you need to want to pull the trigger," Shepard retorted.

Shepard wished to discuss morality again. Thane could understand that his beliefs were hard to understand, but Shepard still wanted to understand them. That Thane could not understand.

"Like I have said before, I only did what I was ordered to do. What I wished was irrelevant."

Shepard leaned closer.

"But you wished to follow your orders."

"I did not. My body merely followed the patterns established during my training. My mind paid no attention."

Thane paused for a moment, searching for a proper word.

"Hmm. It could be called battle-sleep."

Shepard frowned in curiosity "Battle-sleep?"

There was a short silence, as Thane recalled one old memory about human psychology.

"Do you know the psychological term 'conditioning' ? When certain conditions are met, you act without thinking. My training rigorously conditioned my body."

Shepard tilted his head.

"But conditioning is a psychological term. You speak about your body."

"We, the drell, see the body and mind as separate. As their own entities. We accept that our body is not always under our control."

"If you are just completely blameless, then why did you go after Nassana?" Shepard asked, frowning again.

Thane lowered his head.

He wasn't. He may not feel guilty over any specific assassinations, but he felt guilt over them all. He had killed them. He knew that it wasn't his fault, but he had still killed them. He felt guilt over the way he had killed Irikah's killers. The way he had treated his son.

He was definitely not blameless.

"I have merely wished to leave the galaxy a brighter place than I found it, before I die," Thane replied quietly.

Shepard nodded.

"I think I understand what you mean."

Thane lifted his head.

"If so, then I am pleased."

He really was. He felt that Shepard could actually understand him.

Trust. He wanted to trust Shepard, but still did not know if he should. He was puzzled, but he knew that time would tell if his intuition was correct. His training had taught him the virtue of patience.

Shepard rose up.

"We both should start to get ready for the next mission" he said, flexing his neck.

Thane's eyes narrowed.

"The next mission?"

"Yeah. Apparently there's this Zaeed-guy waiting for us back on Tuchanka. Don't wanna keep him waiting. After me, Garrus and Tali get back, I want the rest of you to be ready."

This Zaeed -character could have many personal effects. Not enough room to take the whole team.

Thane bowed his head.

"I shall be ready when you return."

Shepard nodded, and began to walk towards the door, only to stop in front of it. He turned towards EDI's terminal.

"EDI, tell Garrus and Tali to be ready at the shuttle in 30 minutes."

EDI's avatar appeared on the terminal.

"Mr. Vakarian is currently using the crew's cleaning facilities. He will not make it in time."

Shepard turned his head towards Thane, who had been watching the exchange. Shepard grinned.

"Switch off the warm water from the shower. That'll flush him out." He kept looking at Thane.

"Understood, Commander," EDI replied, and her avatar disappeared.

Shepard nodded to Thane, and disappeared through the door.

One name rang in Thane's head. Tali.

Mess hall. Eating. Almost empty. Shepard along with the quarian. They sit opposite each other. Shepard's hand on the table. She moves her hand on top of his. He takes it. He smiles. Her body moves with laughter.

He had been right about Shepard's 'personal matter'. His intuition had been right. He wondered if it would be right about trusting him.

He decided not to take the risk. Not yet.

Thane closed his eyes again, trying to sink into his own thoughts. He heard muffled yelling from the corridor behind him. Garrus Vakarian.

Thane smiled.


	22. Jealousy

"Commander, arriving to Tuchanka in two minutes," EDI reported over the shuttle's speaker.

"Good," Shepard muttered.

Massani.

Shepard didn't like mercenaries. All it took was a big enough check, and they would shoot their best friend to the back. And the fact that he was hired by the Cerberus did not make Shepard feel any better.

He already had Miranda watching over him, reporting his every action to the Illusive Man. Shepard would have probably tossed her out of the airlock already, if he didn't need everyone for the mission.

"Shepard," Garrus spoke "Can we even trust this guy? He is a merc."

"You're voicing my thoughts," Shepard said quietly.

"But then again," he continued grimly "I don't actually trust anyone else on the team either. Except you two and Joker..."

"Thane seems pretty civil," Tali chimed in.

Shepard's frowned "You've talk to him?".

"Yes. I've seen him a couple of times in the mess hall. He's always eating alone," her head lowered slightly, and so did her tone "It made me sad, so I decided to go talk to him."

"What did you talk about?" Shepard asked, his eyes narrowing.

He felt something in his stomach, and it made him want to know about their exchange. He began to feel slight loathing towards Thane, which was weird, since he had started to like him.

"We traded stories. He was very interested about the Flotilla, and in return, he told me about Kahje," she now raised her head a little, and continued dreamily "It sounded beautiful."

"I see," Shepard said quietly.

'Beautiful'. 'Very interested'. Those two expressions kept ranging in his mind. Shepard felt his teeth pressing together. His loathing towards Thane intensified.

Was he jealous? The thought made him feel ridiculous. Why should he? It had just been innocent conversing.

The two expressions again rang in his mind. His brain told him, that they didn't mean anything. Merely words. But something in him wanted to punch Thane, to make him stay away from her. He felt even more ridiculous, and started to move nervously.

He would need to keep his feelings in check.

Garrus' eyes narrowed.

"You okay Shepard?" he asked.

His head lowered.

He trusted Tali. It disgusted him that he had doubted her.

He lifted his head.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Touching down on Tuchanka," EDI reported.

,,,

He was definitely not fine. Thoughts of doubt crept into his mind, but those were not about her, but about himself. Happiness. He doubted if he could provide her that. His ridiculous territoriality disgusted him.

He could get angry, or even could hurt her. The thought pained him.

Excuses. Were those just excuses to not even try?

"Are you coming Shepard?" Tali asked.

Garrus had just gotten out. and Tali was about to too.

"Yeah," he answered, but didn't move.

She tilted her head.

"Are you all right?"

Shepard got up.

"Yeah," he said quickly.

She didn't need to hear his pathetic problems. They were his, and he was gonna deal with them.

"John," she said quietly, and placed her hand on his.

But he was going to tell her anyway, so he sat back down, and she sat down next to him.

"I'm feeling territorial."

She tilted her head "What do you mean?"

"About you," he continued, then lowered his head "The talk with Thane."

She was puzzled for a moment, before it came to her.

"Oh," she gasped.

_He was jealous..._

_She hadn't thought that she could make him jealous. Actually the other way around._

_He was probably the most famous man in the galaxy. Women would line up before him. Tali couldn't understand why he thought of himself so lowly. _

She took his hand with both of hers.

"We were just talking," she said quietly.

Shepard felt embarrassed about the whole situation already.

"I know, and I'm feeling ridiculous," he said quietly.

He sighed.

"I trust you, and I want to be with you, but I don't want to shackle you."

His head sunk even lower.

"You're not mine to keep, as much as I'd like to," he whispered.

_He always punished himself. She did not know why._

_But his words were charming, as they always were. She felt herself smiling. He always spoke to her so beautifully. His care shined through his words..._

She moved her hand on his chin, and lifted his head. Their eyes met.

"I think that's romantic," she said quietly.

Shepard chuckled in surprise, and grinned.

"You really think so?"

He felt his mood rising.

She giggled quietly.

"Yes," she said softly.

Giggling. He did not hear that often. He thought it was...cute. It made him glad. He thought it weird that a man like him would use such a word. Cute...

They wrapped their arms around each other, and she rested her head on his shoulder. They pulled away from each other, still holding hands for a moment. Shepard moved his hand on the side of her helmet, stroking it.

"I like your laugh," he whispered, now smiling.

_His words were innocent, but they made her think of something. She didn't laugh very often. She wondered if her life was unhappy, but it wasn't. Most of her happiness just weren't the laughing kind._

She touched his hand on her cheek, and stood up, beginning to walk towards the door.

When she reached it, she spoke.

"You are wrong about one thing, John," she said quietly.

Shepard looked towards her, frowning, and she turned her head towards him in return.

"I'm yours to keep," she whispered.

She stepped out of the shuttle.

Shepard chuckled quietly, and a wide smile appeared on his face.

Maybe she was.

His girl.

…

Garrus was leaning against the shuttle, arms crossed.

Again on Tuchanka. If one word were only allowed to describe it, it would be post-apocalyptic. That, or depressing.

He could be the first turian to visit this ruin of a planet twice. And survive, that is. The thought didn't actually comfort him, and the fact that several krogan were staring at him, added to his discomfort. His eyes kept glancing around, drawing up a plan in his mind, in case of an attack.

It was both weird, and very natural to him, that when he looked at something, he immediately thought about the object's usefulness in combat. Most people would look at a table, and go 'nice color', but he would immediately wonder if it could stop a bullet. The dossier on Archangel had called him a tactical genius. Garrus would call himself aware.

One of the krogan took a step towards him, but immediately took it back, since Tali stepped out of the shuttle, followed by Shepard. Guess they respected Wrex's authority.

Tali and Shepard had been in the shuttle for a while, so Garrus guessed that they had been talking about his jealousy. Garrus had noticed that immediately after Shepard's mood-swing. But he seemed to be better now, which was good, since his brooding was annoying. Garrus snorted. He was the best to talk. The guilt in him still persevered, and it dragged him down with it. Garrus realized that, but couldn't help it. Life was crap. He wasn't saying that because he was depressed, but rather because that was the truth. Positive attitude and a few jokes wouldn't help anyone.

A bullet to the head would.

…

"Let's go then," Shepard said to Garrus, and wove him to follow.

The three walked towards the gate with the grumpy guard of last time.

The guard's face wrinkled with dislike, when he noticed Shepard and his companions.

"Stop, aliens," he snapped.

Shepard rubbed his nose in annoyance, and sighed.

"We're here to see Wrex," he answered.

The guard growled quietly.

"Let them pass," he said, but it was clear that he didn't like it.

The door opened, and the three stepped in. They again walked through the zigzagging corridor, and arrived to the opening. They walked towards Wrex, who signaled his guards to let them pass.

"Shepard," Wrex greeted, with his deep voice.

"Wrex."

"Here to kill another of my enemies?" Wrex chuckled.

Shepard grinned, and chuckled in return.

"Probably. Doesn't like the half of the krogan here hate you?"

Wrex chuckled louder.

"More like two thirds, but they'll learn..." he said ominously.

Shepard crossed his arms.

"Expecting more bloodshed?"

Now Wrex laughed.

"Always..." he said, still ominously.

He leaned on the arm of his throne.

"The krogan warlords have always climbed on top of those who were before. It's the krogan way," he continued, his voice now more matter-of-factly.

"It's just who we are, I won't change that," he concluded, shrugging.

Shepard nodded to him, and Wrex leaned backwards again.

"But, you're not here to talk about krogan politics..."

Shepard would have enjoyed to wisecrack more with Wrex, but he was right. He had something to do.

"Well, I'm looking for a mercenary. Zaeed Massani."

Wrex nodded.

"He came by, asking for my permission to stay here. Said that he was gonna work for you, which was the only reason I let him stay. Aliens make most krogan nervous."

He leaned forwards again.

"And nervous krogan...doesn't leave much for imagination."

"You know anything about him?"

"I know his reputation, every merc does. Tough for a human and holds his end of the bargain. Maybe the most famous merc there is, in addition to me."

Honorable merc? Shepard found that pretty hard to believe. Then again, Wrex was pretty honorable. He had even given Shepard his bounty money for killing Fist. Shepard smiled at the thought.

"Know where he's at?"

Wrex nodded again.

"At the varren fighting pit," Wrex said, then pointed towards the pit.

Shepard could see one human at the pit, tapping at the betting console.

"Thanks, Wrex." Shepard said, without turning to him again.

"Shepard."

…

The trio was now approaching the human they saw before. The human was glad in a battle armor, that reminded Shepard of a ancient battle outfit of gladiators. Shepard tapped him on the shoulder three times, he turned his head.

"Massani?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, that's me. You're Shepard?" Massani asked.

Massani's face was horribly scarred, and his right eye looked like it was blind. Shepard's eyes narrowed at the sight of it. Massani had obviously been through a lot.

His voice also mirrored his face. Raspy tone, with a strong English working class accent. Pretty fitting.

"Yep."

"Hold a sec, gonna see how the match goes."

The two varren had just jumped to the pit, and were snarling at each other.

"Which one are you betting for?" Shepard asked.

The game actually repulsed him, since animals couldn't say no. However, the match was not till death, and they received pretty good medical care after the fight. The varren actually seemed to enjoy it. It still sort of repulsed him.

"The white dumb-looking one. Stupid ones always fight the hardest."

The white one seemed to be pretty stupid. It charged towards the blue varren, who immediately attacked it's neck. The krogan hurried to separate them, and it was over.

Massani shrugged.

"Can't win 'em all."

The mercenary now turned towards Shepard completely.

"I heard we have a galaxy to save," he said.

"You do know about the mission, right?"

Massani took a step forward, his eyes narrowed and brow wrinkled. He looked to be annoyed at the question.

"Don't take a job without knowing it. I'm not stupid. Wouldn't have gotten this far if I were."

Shepard's arms crossed.

"A suicide mission is a pretty bad career move."

Massani shrugged.

"Is not if you get payed a lot," he said simply.

Shepard chuckled, he was starting to like the merc. For now. He offered Massani his hand, and Massani took it.

"Well, welcome to a multi-species, multi-racial team of misfits," Shepard said, grinning slightly.

Zaeed nodded to him. He tilted his head slightly, and narrowed his eyes.

"You know about our arrangement?"

Shepard scowled. The Illusive Man. The bastard had left him another damn surprise. If Shepard ever met the guy, he might surprise him. With a knee to the groin.

"Guess the Illusive Man didn't deem it important enough to notify me," Shepard said, still scowling.

Zaeed didn't seem surprised.

"Good thing I asked. Have learned not to trust my employers too much."

He crossed his arms again.

"Picked up a mission while back. The Blue Suns have captured an Eldfell-_Ashland refinery. They've been using the workers as slave labor. The company wants it dealt with."_

_Shepard's eyes narrowed._

_"Eldfell-Ashland is a big company. Pretty stupid to attack it."_

_Zaeed nodded._

_"Yeah, that's what I thought. Guess Vido needs funds pretty desperately."_

_"Vido. I've heard the name." _

_"Not a big surprise. He's the leader of the Blue Suns, runs the entire organization," Zaeed replied, shrugging._

_Shepard's eyes narrowed even more._

_"The head cheese himself..." he muttered._

_The mission seemed to be a win-win. Shepard could clear get Massani's head cleared __for the mission, and kill the mercenary boss with one blow._

_"We'll get that done. I appreciate you at least being honest with me."_

_Zaeed grinned slightly. The grin distorted his scarred face, making it look even more grotesque._

_"Glad to hear it."_


	23. Rage

**Sorry this took a while, but as you can see by the size of it, you can probably understand why. Or don't, and be angry.  
**

** First I'll answer some of my lovely, anonymous readers, then onto the spell-check...**

**Animus:**

**The Tali -thing is a very cool idea. Don't know what I'm gonna do with Zaeed yet.**

**And the other anonymous guy/gal:**

**Probably not, but thanks anyway.**

**About the fic's direction: Tell me if I'm getting side-tracked, but also tell me if I am not. I'm writing this stuff for your enjoyment, so I'd like to know if you wanna see more Tali/Shep, or more supporting chars. I like being told what to do...  
**

* * *

Again inside a krogan truck. This time they were traveling towards some rite of passage -place of the krogan.

It was pretty crowded inside, since in addition to Shepard team of ten, there was the Shaman, a very large krogan.

"Can you tell us now what we are about to face in there?" Shepard asked him.

"You'll see." the Shaman growled.

Running blind into a fight. It made Shepard nervous. His team seemed to agree. Everyone, except Grunt and Thane, looked very nervous. Grunt actually seemed to be very excited over the upcoming fight and Thane was pretty calm, as usual.

"This is not good, Shepard," Garrus muttered to Shepard.

"Yep," Shepard answered quietly.

Shepard's answer didn't exactly calm Garrus down, and his mandibles began to fidget.

Tali was sitting on the other side of Shepard, swaying slightly.

"You okay?" Shepard asked her.

"Nervous," she said.

"We've been through worse," Shepard said, putting his hand on her knee.

"You can't know that, since we don't know what we are going to be facing there."

Shepard sighed. She was right. He couldn't figure out what to say, so he patted her on her knee.

"It'll be fine," he said quietly.

The truck stopped.

"This is it. The place of the Rite," Shaman said, and the door of the truck opened.

* * *

To Shepard, the place looked like everything else on Tuchanka; another ruin. But it apparently held a great value to the krogan.

"This was the last surface city to fall in the rebellions. It is Tuchanka's most recent scar," the Shaman continued, as they walked towards the place.

"It is ancient. Surviving the tests of time and war. It endures, like the krogan."

They went through a short tunnel, and arrived at a large opening. Shepard could even barely see the sun of the system through the shroud, Aralakh. Immediately the temperature rose dramatically. Shepard felt like a bun in the oven and started to sweat under the armor.

"How goddamn hot is this place?" he heard Zaeed both cursing and asking at the same time.

Tali summoned her omni-tool.

"Fifty Celsius," she answered. "The shroud must be isolating some of the heat."

"Lucky for the krogan," Zaeed muttered in response.

"No. Not lucky," Mordin chimed in "The Council Demilitarization Enforcement Mission created the shroud. Nuclear war. No plant life. Reduced albedo caused temperatures to rise. CDEM created the shroud to keep livable temperatures."

"Whatta hell's albedo?" Jack asked.

"The ability to reflect light. Tuchanka in ruins. No reflection. More light absorbed. Temperatures rise."

"Fuckin' paradise," Jack muttered.

They had now reached a some kind of podium, which had a parapet surrounding it. There were three stairs to enter the podium, making it a natural bottleneck. The team could successfully defend against a greatly superior force. Shepard didn't know how much superior, but he hoped that their enemy would not be more than what they could handle.

"Contemplate the keystone," the Shaman pointed towards a panel on the wall "And complete it's trials."

"What will happen?" Grunt asked.

"It doesn't matter."

"So this is about adaptation?" Shepard asked "The ability to react quickly?"

The Shaman turned towards Shepard

"No," he answered, shaking his head. "Do not try to adapt, but to thrive. Every true krogan does."

* * *

The Shaman had left the team to 'prepare the Rite', whatever that meant. Shepard guessed that they should get started.

"All right. Three ways to get up here. Important, regardless of the enemy's direction," he pointed towards the gate next to the 'keystone', and then around the podium.

"Three teams. Three stairs. Guess everyone knows what that means."

"Garrus", he called, and Garrus nodded "You take the front. You have the strongest team."

Garrus' team consisted of Grunt, Jack and Zaeed.

"Grunt will be the mobile reserve. Both Miranda's team and mine may need him at some point."

"Gotcha, Shepard," Garrus said, and his team of four moved to the front.

"Miranda, take the left side. You'll operate the keystone on my command."

"Understood, Commander," she ordered, and Mordin and Jacob followed her.

"Tali, Thane, if you please," Shepard said, and gestured towards the stairs on the right.

"Scout around the stairs a bit. Just glance around, don't go anywhere," he ordered, when they reached the stairs. They both nodded, and Shepard walked to Garrus. He was watching his team preparing themselves, arms crossed.

"What do you think about the enemy?"

Garrus' eyes narrowed, still watching his team.

"Probably Tuchanka's fauna," he muttered, and now turned towards Shepard.

"Don't think it's other krogan. At least, I hope so."

Shepard sighed.

"Those klixen and varren are already a pain in the ass. Wonder what else they'll throw at us," he muttered back.

* * *

"Activate the keystone, Miranda," Shepard ordered over the radio.

"Understood."

Thane was behind the podium's parapet, while Tali and Shepard had taken cover behind the parapet of the stairs.

"Still nervous?" Shepard asked, looking through his sights.

"Not really, this is a good position," she answered.

_She was actually still nervous, but didn't want to worry him._

Her voice was trembling slightly.

"You're lying."

She lowered her head.

"Sorry," she admitted sheepishly.

_Not a very good job._

"I didn't want you to worry."

Shepard turned to her, and lifted her head gently by her chin. The same way she had done to him before.

He smiled slightly, but didn't speak.

_She could feel herself smiling. He always made her feel this way._

_Well, that or embarrassed...his teasing...his flirtation..._

_Embarrassed. She did wonder though, that why did she always smile at his flirtations if they were so embarrassing..._

She chuckled at her thoughts.

Shepard frowned "What are you laughing?"

"To you," she answered teasingly.

He let go of her chin "What's so funny about me?"

"Your teasing..."

"Didn't tease you now."

"You often do."

Shepard's eyes narrowed, but then moved closer.

"Is it..." he moved his hand to her arm, then slowly began sliding it down "...unpleasant?"

_Her eyes went shut. Like before, his touch felt very good. She slowly began to pull her head back._

"No..." she whispered.

She took his hand on her arm, and squeezed it. Then she moved her other hand to his cheek, stroking it.

Shepard smiled, and their foreheads touched.

_She cursed at the glass separating their faces. She desperately wished for her lips to touch his._

_She would need to get those antibiotics fast..._

* * *

"First the krogan conquered Tuchanka, and mastered a natural world only we are fit to rule!" loudspeaker bellowed.

"Melodrama much?" Shepard remarked to Tali, who chuckled.

"I hope there ain't gonna be a play-by-play..." Shepard continued joking, and now Tali chuckled louder.

Suddenly, they began to hear loud racket coming from the estimated direction of attack.

"I see gates opening," Thane reported over the radio.

"Report if you see anything else."

"Understood."

The racket stopped, and it was replaced by quiet roaring and snarling.

"Varren spotted," Thane reported again.

"Varren?" Tali asked, her voice trembling with nervousness.

Shepard felt his jaw clenching.

"How many?" he asked.

"Tens," Thane answered, his voice as calm as usual.

This was not good. The varren could get close, and tear through them.

"Garrus, Miranda, you see them?" Shepard asked, and both confirmed.

"Just one order: Hold your ground. If you don't, they'll overwhelm us," Shepard ordered grimly.

He had issued a no retreat order once before, and it had not turned out so good.

On Torfan, their only advantage had been superior discipline and training. Now they also had far superior firepower. Hopefully that was enough.

"Yes, Commander," Miranda obeyed.

"Got it Shepard. We've got your,uh, front," Garrus said a moment later as well.

The varren began approaching.

First they walked, then jogged, and now they were running at full speed towards them. Rows of them, coming at the team like a wave. It was a very frightening sight.

"Fire on my command," Shepard ordered his own squad, and Tali supported her shotgun on to the parapet.

The varren were now very near.

"Fire!"

* * *

Tali, Thane and Shepard started firing at the wave, and a moment later, Garrus' and Miranda's team joined them. Tens of varren fell, but they still ran forward. Shepard didn't even bother firing bursts, but merely kept the trigger down. The thermal clip overheated, and ejected itself. Shepard quickly reloaded a new one, and continued firing. Thane's deadly accurate sniper fire also eliminated countless varren. Tali kept firing at the horde, but didn't see one flanking her. It leaped.

"Look out!" Shepard yelled, and tackled her out of the way.

The varren landed on Shepard, and was now on top of him. It managed to get it's jaws around Shepard's helmet, and tried to clench it's jaws together. The helmet began to bent from the force, and Shepard knew that it would crack on any second. He managed to kick the varren over him, and Tali immediately shot it with her shotgun. Shepard quickly rose up, and could see her killing the last of the varren.

She turned her head to him, but didn't lower her shotgun.

"Thanks" she said.

"Any time," he answered, glancing around.

Tali turned to him, eyes narrowed.

"Your helmet took a beating," she said, pointing towards his head.

Shepard growled lowly, and took the helmet off. It was horribly dented, and the visor was cracked, making it useless. He would have to fight without. Shepard dropped it to the ground.

He hoped that the varren were dead already. He didn't like the idea of fighting without a helmet.

"Shepard!" Garrus yelled over the radio.

Of course not...

"Yeah?" Shepard answered.

"They're concentrating on our position. We need help!" Garrus sounded very distressed.

"We're coming! Hold on!"

"Thane, get over here, we have to reinforce the center," Shepard ordered to his squad "Tali, let's go help Garrus."

She nodded, and Thane confirmed.

Shepard and Tali began to run towards Garrus' position, and when Thane ran past them, he and Shepard slapped hands.

They arrived at the Garrus' position, and were extremely surprised, when nobody was firing. Grunt and Zaeed were leaning on one of the pillars, Jack was standing in the middle with her hands held high, and Garrus was sitting against the parapet.

"What the hell's going on Garrus?!" Shepard yelled to Garrus.

"You said you ne--," his sentence was cut short, when he noticed that Garrus' his right arm was covered in blue blood, and his left hand was holding the arm's shoulder.

"Holy shit," Shepard cursed, and knelt down beside him "You okay?"

"Yeah, managed to stop the bleeding," he muttered quietly, and poked twice at the medigel on his wound.

Then Garrus slowly pointed towards Jack.

Shepard turned his gaze at her, who was still holding her hands above her head, flickering with biotic energy.

"Had her create a barrier around the podium. Give us a little time to recover," Garrus said weakly.

"Good thinking Garrus, but you've lost a lot of blood. Stay down."

Garrus leaned his head on the parapet. He looked like that he was barely conscious.

"Don't need to tell me twice..." he said quietly.

Shepard's radio came alive, and he stood up.

"Shepard, we don't have any varren here. Are they gone?" Miranda asked.

"No, and we need Mordin at Garrus' position, he's injured. You should come too, they're trying to break through from here."

"Understood, Commander," she replied.

"Where's your helmet Shepard?" Garrus asked quietly, his speech stammering. He started to get delirious.

"Varren broke it."

Shepard saw Miranda and Mordin running towards them. Mordin immediately ran to Garrus, and opened his omni-tool.

"Try not to move," he said, summoning a holographic image of a turian body from his tool.

"What is the situation, Commander?" Miranda asked, and Shepard gestured her to follow him.

They walked to the stairs, and Shepard pointed at the varren behind the barrier.

"Did Jack create the barrier?" Miranda asked, frowning.

Shepard nodded, and pointed towards Jack.

Miranda glanced at her, and snorted "Good thing she's finally useful."

Shepard felt his jaw clench again. Their pitiful rivalry was starting to get annoying.

"What are we going to do?" Miranda asked again.

"Fight them..." Shepard answered, then walked towards Grunt and Zaeed, leaving her still glaring at Jack angrily.

"Shepard," Grunt greeted, nodding. Zaeed also nodded.

"How are you gentlemen doing here?"

"Didn't took any damage, like your turian pal there," Zaeed said, tilting his head towards Garrus "Obviously took some yourself. Missing your helmet."

"Yeah, varren bit it. Did you see what happened with Garrus?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah. One varren tried to leap on me, but the turian shot it on the leg, so it attacked him. Bit him right on the arm. I managed to kick it off him, and shot it. Me and the krogan here..." Zaeed tilted his head now towards Grunt "...dragged the Angel there," now he pointed towards Garrus.

"Didn't recognize him at first, but then saw the angel on his shoulder," he paused shrugging "Good man your turian. I always wanted the same thing as the Archangel. A lot of mercs dead, "

"Good job Zaeed," Shepard said, and offered his hand to the merc "And thanks for Garrus."

Zaeed shook Shepard's hand, and nodded.

"How's the Revenant, Grunt?" Shepard now asked the krogan, holding a light machine gun in his hands. They had found it when rescuing Maelon, and since it's former owner was dead, Shepard had decided that Grunt should have it.

"Ha!" the krogan bellowed "It destroys the varren, rips them to pieces! You should have seen!"

Shepard grinned at the krogan's enthusiasm.

Grunt lifted the gun to his eye level with one hand, then tilted it back and forth, inspecting it "It's small, though."

He lowered the gun and shrugged "Could be bigger."

The Revenant was one of the largest small arms in the galaxy. Something bigger?

"What? You want a rapid fire rocket launcher or something?", Shepard asked, grinning.

Grunt narrowed his eyes, as if pondering if such a thing was even possible. A wide grin spread over his face.

"Yes. That I must have."

"I'll see what I can do," Shepard chuckled.

* * *

The team had formed a half-circle around the stairs, everyone pointing their gun at the varren, except Jack, who still held the barrier. Garrus and Mordin were a small distance away, Mordin still trying to do the best he could to help Garrus.

"It's getting heavy, Shepard" Jack moaned.

"Shut it down, then take cover."

She lowered her hands, and began slowly to walk towards Mordin and Garrus.

After the barrier shut down, the varren surged through.

"Fire at will!" Shepard yelled, and the team of five unleashed a firestorm upon the varren. One of them still got through, and jumped towards Grunt. Grunt lifted his arm up to protect himself, and the varren sunk it's teeth to the arm. Grunt roared, then swung his arm against a nearby pillar, crushing the varren.

The krogan's machine gun was particularly effective against the varren, since it had a large clip.

After a few seconds, most of the varren lay dead, and the rest ran away in horror.

"Rah! Come back!" Grunt roared, gunning after them.

Shepard lowered his gun, then looked towards the place Garrus was resting at.

"Mordin, how's Garrus?"

"Not in any danger. Cannot function, though. Extensive hemorrhaging."

"Got it, " Shepard answered, then turned towards Miranda. He gestured for her to come closer.

She ran to him, and he spoke.

"We need a new squad leader. Guess Jacob is pretty capable?"

"He has years of commanding experience," she answered.

"Get it done then. He'll take over my former position. You can hold the flank with Mordin."

"Yes, sir." she nodded, and ran towards her position. Shepard could see Jacob running past her, nearing the place Shepard was standing. Shepard lifted his hand, and Jacob slapped it.

* * *

"Then the krogan were lifted to the stars! To battle an enemy only we could follow into their lairs!" the loudspeaker bellowed again.

Grunt seemed to be very hyped-up. Shepard couldn't blame him. His people's history was very glorious. Violent, but glorious. The krogan may have destroyed their home planet, and even tried to enslave the galaxy, but they had also saved it. That was something they should be proud of.

The adrenaline, combined with the loudspeaker's messages of krogan pride, would greatly increase the battling krogan's morale. It was pretty ingenious.

The gates opened again, and several insect-like creatures came through.

"Zaeed, you see them?" Shepard asked the sniper-holding merc.

Zaeed fired a shot, and one of the creatures fell down.

"Yeah, klixen. Nasty bastards," he answered.

Again the klixen. And this time there were a lot more than the last time.

"Fire at will, but don't waste your shots," Shepard ordered and only Zaeed kept firing. Most of the klixen still approached them, but now some were walking towards their flanks. Shepard hoped that Jacob and Miranda could hold them.

Shepard could heard two sniper shots, Zaeed's and probably Thane's, but now, in addition to those, heard two SMGs firing as well. Probably Miranda and Mordin.

Without his helmet to block off the most of the noise, his ears were ringing. He worried if it would affect his hearing.

The klixen were now close enough for his assault rifle, so Shepard began firing towards one klixen. The burst cut off one of it's legs, and the second burst went right through it's midsection. The klixen fell down, and exploded. Two klixen near it screeched in pain.

Now Grunt began to fire, and it was devastating. The bullets cut through the klixen like a knife through butter. Two more of the klixen fell. They were now very close, and began to sprint. One of them ran towards Tali, who fired her shotgun. The klixen still staggered towards her, but fell down right before it could strike. She didn't move. Didn't she remember the explosion?

"Tali, the expl--" Shepard's warning was cut short, when the klixen exploded.

Tali flew backwards from the impact, and crashed to the ground. Shepard immediately ran towards her. He dove down next to her, shaking her from the shoulders. Her eyes opened.

"S-Shepard?" she muttered "W-what happened?"

"Klixen explosion happened, stupid girl. You okay? Any suit ruptures?" Shepard snapped, slightly angered at her carelessness.

It took her a second to answer. She was probably still a little out of it.

"N-no. Shields down though.." she muttered quietly.

She had probably a concussion or something. Shepard grabbed her arm, and pulled her into a fireman's carry. He began to run towards the place Garrus was laying on.

"Hold the line for a second! I'll be right back!" Shepard yelled over the radio.

"Roger that," Zaeed answered.

Shepard dumped Tali next to Garrus, then ran back to their position. One of the klixen tried to hit Zaeed, who ducked under the blow. Grunt fired the klixen to the back, and it fell. Zaeed dove down, and the klixen exploded. Shepard also started firing at one of the klixen, when his radio came alive.

"We need help Shepard! They're pushing us back!" This time it was Jacob, and Shepard glanced towards their position. There were three klixen against the two of them.

"Grunt's coming!" Shepard yelled, then signaled for Grunt to go to them.

Grunt hesitated, but nodded, and ran towards Jacob's position.

* * *

Grunt would have preferred not to leave so many enemies for Shepard and the merc to kill. Only three at the new position. They better be worthy.

He saw the dark human and the assassin fighting against two of the klixen. The remaining one tried to circle around Jacob.

Grunt chuckled. The bug was living it's last few seconds, it better enjoy them.

He began to sprint towards the klixen, then opened fire. The noise, violence and the killing heated his blood, so he roared. The bullets ripped through the bug's natural armor, and blood splashed around. Grunt tackled the wounded bug, and it fell down. He raised his arm to shield himself from the explosion, but still felt pain. He grunted and staggered, but remained on his feet. The quarian may have flown away, but not he.

"Ha!" he bellowed triumphantly.

But now he noticed, that he was now covered in bug-blood. It soured his mood.

One down, two more to go. The thought soured it even more.

He heard the black human roaring in pain. Grunt turned, and saw that the klixen had spat acid on the human's arm. Grunt grabbed the bug's hind leg, and pulled. The bug fell down, and Grunt's gun made quick work of it. Another explosion. Grunt staggered again, and grunted in pain as the shockwave passed through him. More bug-blood. He turned towards the human, and was surprised to see that the soft thing was still on it's feet. The human glowed blue. Grunt remembered him being a biotic.

"Thanks Grunt," the human said.

Grunt would have preferred to let them die, so he could have killed the klixen himself, but Shepard might kick him out of the team if he didn't follow his orders. It was a terrifying thought. Shepard had strong enemies, and Grunt wanted to fight them more than anything.

So Grunt merely nodded in response.

Only one left. The thought made Grunt sad and angry.

The last klixen was trying to hit the assassin, who kept bouncing around. The drell had a small gun in both of his hands, and kept firing bursts at the klixen between his bouncing. It looked silly to Grunt, but then again, the assassin wasn't krogan. Grunt aimed at the klixen, but then it suddenly fell. Apparently the green one had killed it. The drell jumped over the parapet to safety, and the bug exploded. This time, Grunt didn't get hit by the shockwave, but wasn't so lucky with the blood.

Grunt growled in anger, and poked his shoulder-plate. His whole armor was covered with the sticky and green stuff. It would take a long time for him to clean his armor. If he wanted to clean it, that is. He didn't actually care if it was shiny. Still, the blood smelled like varren crap. He probably had to clean it. Grunt became even more angry.

The dark human was holding his ear, probably the radio.

"Yeah, I'll send him back," Jacob said.

Grunt figured it meant him, so he turned towards Shepard's position and saw five klixen battling Shepard, the quarian and the merc. He chuckled. The quarian was tough for a little girl.

But the amount of the enemies again soured his mood. Grunt snorted. Well, at least that's more than three.

Was this the big Rite? Kill some varren and a few bugs? This was probably a challenge for average krogan, but average krogan were weak. He felt disappointed at the krogan homeworld again.

"Grunt, you shou--" the human started, turning towards Grunt, but since he was already on his way to Shepard, Jacob didn't bother with finishing the sentence.

Back and forth. Like he was a varren doing tricks.

He opened fire at the nearest klixen, and it fell down. The klixen tried to get up, and Grunt let it. Maybe this one would put up a bigger fight. The bug spat acid on him, and Grunt raised his arm to protect his eyes. The acid burned his flesh, and the pain was excruciating. Grunt felt something rising inside him.

The blood rage. Something still held it back, so Grunt didn't even try to stop the bug from attacking him again, and the bug's claw slashed him.

Now the rage surged, and Grunt let it.

He immediately dropped his gun, and grabbed the bug from it's jaw. Grunt began bashing his head against the head of the bug, roaring. The bug screeched in pain, and sunk both of it's front claws into the arms of Grunt. That merely enraged him more. He roared louder, and began bashing his head against the bug's even faster and harder. The bug's face bled, and it began to go limp. Grunt grabbed now both of it's front claws, and pulled them out of his arms. He kept pulling, and tore them off the bug. The bug screeched in pain, and Grunt lifted the claws over his head. He sunk them into the bug's face, and now it fell down, this time permanently. The explosion. Grunt didn't bother to turn away, but merely roared at it. He didn't even feel any pain, and staggered only slightly. He could taste his own blood in his mouth, which gave him even more strength.

Shepard was fighting two of the klixen, jogging backwards at the same time as he fired. Grunt grabbed the klixen nearest to him, and began to spin. The klixen rose up to the air as Grunt spun. He smashed the klixen to a pillar near him. Another explosion. This time it toppled Grunt over. As he laid on the ground, he heard gunfire continuing for a few seconds, then stopping. The rage began to fade away, and Grunt got up.

Shepard was leaning on his knees, panting.

"Now all krogan bear the genophage! Every day is a battle and the only goal is survival!" the loudspeaker bellowed again.

Shepard looked towards the voice.

"Did someone press the damn keystone?" he asked, clearly angry.

He had his hand on his ear, probably the radio again.

"Damn it!" he cursed.

The ground began to shake. Grunt collected his gun from the ground again.

The shaking intensified, and a large worm sprang up from the ground, just outside the podium. A thresher maw.

"Now that is a worthy foe!" he bellowed as loud as he could.

* * *

A thresher maw. Great.

Apparently the third part of the Rite activated by itself. Survival, as it said.

He heard Grunt yelling something about a foe. Probably something nonsense again.

"Take cover!" Shepard roared, and ducked behind a pillar.

Tali ducked down next to him.

"Oh no..." she muttered.

They felt the pillar shaking, as the maw's acid attack hit it. Always acid...

"Look at Grunt!" she yelled, pointing at the krogan.

Grunt was firing at the maw without aiming, roaring as he did. He was standing in the middle of the podium, without any cover.

"Idiot," Shepard snapped, and surged from the cover. He ran to Grunt, and grabbed him from his arm.

"Let's go!" he yelled, and tried to pull the krogan with him. Grunt didn't budge, but just kept firing.

Shepard pulled his fist back, and hit the krogan to the jaw as hard as he could. Now the krogan stopped firing, and turned towards Shepard.

"Shepard?" he asked, unbelieving.

"Get to the cover you moron! The spit attack's gonna obliterate you!"

Grunt pondered his words for a second, and glanced at the maw. He nodded, and they began to run towards the pillar. Shepard heard the spit attack coming again, and it landed right behind them. They both dove into the cover.

Shepard got up to his knees, and turned to Tali

"Where's Garrus?!" he asked, glancing around, trying to find him. He wasn't there were he was laying, so someone must have took him.

"There!" Tali yelled, pointing at somewhere behind Shepard.

Now he could see Miranda and Mordin dragging Garrus towards one pillar.

He was barely conscious.

"Is he all right?" Shepard asked Tali, who had been laying next to Garrus only a moment ago.

"He's okay, but has lost a lot of blood. He needs to get to the med-bay," she answered, staring at Miranda and Mordin dragging him.

"What about you?"

"I'm feeling dizzy."

"Then go lay the hell down! What the hell is wrong with you people?!" Shepard yelled, he didn't understand why everyone kept playing with their lives. He hoped it wasn't to impress him.

"I can fight, Shepard!"

"Then fight, and don't blow yourself up again!" he yelled.

Tali muttered something about a bosh'tet again.

Shepard activated his radio again "Everyone report!"

Thankfully, everyone except Garrus reported.

"Zaeed, Thane! Fire at the maw's mouth when it opens!"

"Everyone else, just..."

Damn the next command sounded stupid.

"...try to get the maw to spit at you!"

It was like ordering everyone to kill themselves.

"Shit," he muttered, and tried to reach for the M-77 missile launcher. It had worked well against the krogan warlord, better work now too.

"Fuck you Shepard! I'm not gonna get spit upon!" Jack yelled back to him over the radio.

"Draw the damn fire! Don't make me come there and kick your ass out of that cover!" he yelled at her, starting to get angry at her insubordination. Just do something once without talking back...

"You can try, asshole!" she yelled, but Shepard could see her surging from the cover, firing at the maw.

Shepard now had the M-77 in his hands.

"Grunt!" he shouted, and the krogan turned to him. Shepard tossed the launcher to him.

"Here's your rapid fire missile launcher again! Fire on my command!"

Grunt nodded, grinning.

Shepard and Tali fired at the maw, and it spit against the pillar again. He could hear two sniper shots going off.

"I see blood, Shepard," Zaeed reported.

"Good, keep going!"

Several more spit attacks, and several more sniper shots. The maw roared, and sunk into the earth.

"It is changing position," Thane informed.

The maw surged from the other side.

"Watch out! It's changed it's place!" Shepard yelled on the radio.

Shepard, Tali and Grunt took cover on the other side of the pillar, and the rest of the team also switched covers.

Again, spit attacks, and again, sniper shots. The maw roared again, it was now seriously hurt.

"Now, Grunt!"


	24. Compulsion

**Not very many reviews for the last one, so I guess I did something wrong.**

**Less novelization, and more romance from here on...**

* * *

The mission had succeeded. Grunt was now an adult, or something, and it had helped to sooth his rage.

Nice job.

Except that Garrus and Tali were in a hospital.

Shepard feared for their safety, but didn't know why.

He could not find any empathy inside himself.

It made him wonder, if the fear was just about his own selfishness.

Garrus was a funny guy, and Shepard enjoyed his company. He would defend him, probably even die for him.

But the thought of his death did not make him sad. The only thing that came into his mind, was that he would miss him, his company.

Was that grief? Miss the joy the other brought? That sounded more like selfishness to him.

Everything had been so easy before, even Torfan. Some men had been broken by it, but not him. The only thing he had been sad about, was that so many men had died. Casualties. He was only sad that the operation had not succeeded perfectly. A waste.

Maybe he had not known his men as good as he should have, and wondered, if he could send his current crew to their deaths.

He could. Even his friends; Joker, Chakwas...Garrus.

Garrus. He would hesitate with him, but could even send him.

But...

Tali. As hard as he tried, he could not send her. She was special, important. He just wished to shield her, protect her, give her everything. He wanted her to be happy.

Why? Was it because that when she was happy, he was happy? Did he do that just to please himself? He was very selfish about most things, so why not this?

Selfish, and disappointed. Disappointed at himself. He had failed.

He did not fail often, but when he did, it brought him down. Hard.

It was merely a small thing, and they would both be all right.

But it wasn't important. The important thing was, that he had failed.

A fracture in his perfect exterior. Always thriving towards perfection.

It had probably something to do with his low self-worth or something, but he didn't care. He had never tried to change himself, since he was pretty happy. Except in these situations.

Now he only felt depressed.

He just wanted to sleep, and hoped that the feeling would go away.

It would, eventually.

Then he would start to build another perfect exterior.

Such a rat race.

He liked rat race.

His eyes closed, and the door opened.

His eyes opened as well and he turned his head lazily towards the door, not getting up from his bed.

Of course, Tali.

* * *

"Hi, Shepard," she said cheerfully.

_She was in a good mood, since she only had a small concussion.  
_

_Her mood dropped though, when she saw him laying on his bed. The bed and the chair were his favorite brooding places._

_He didn't answer her, which strengthened her conclusion._

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Are you okay? Yes and no. What the hell was he supposed to say? Nobody ever understood his eccentricities, and he didn't even try to explain them.

He didn't even actually care if they did. The thought made him feel superior, unique.

"I'll be okay," he answered, figuring that it was the best one he could give.

She sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Sharing could help," she said softly.

_Quarians were social creatures, and held no secrets from each other. Shepard was not a quarian though, and humans were more reclusive. _

_But Shepard was especially reclusive. He never talked. _

_He actually did want to, but would just not admit it._

Shepard sighed.

It was not completely unpleasant thought. She was very understanding towards him. Such a nice person, and she cared for him. He felt privileged.

"I don't know how," he said quietly.

"Try," she said quietly, putting her hand on his.

Her hand was warm, and it felt good. He squeezed it gently.

Superiority? Over her?

Inferiority.

"I doubt myself," he begun quietly, looking at the ceiling.

"After all I've done...I guess I'm not stable. Mentally."

He sighed deeper.

"I feel slipping."

_Always so hard on himself. Always thriving for perfection. Couldn't he understand that he could not achieve it?_

"Why do you always think of yourself so lowly?" she asked quietly, lowering her head.

Why? He had thought about his motives for thriving towards perfection. The wish to be superior. Low self-worth.

He had never thought, that why he felt so low.

Was it about what he had done? The killing? He did not feel guilty about that. Why should he? They had chosen their paths, and he had simply ended them. They had stood in his way.

Should he feel guilt? Was that just rationalization?

"I don't know," he said quietly.

She turned his head gently towards her, and looked into his eyes "John.."

"Don't punish yourself," she whispered.

Shepard shook his head slightly, and closed his eyes.

"I don't think I've ever done anything good. There's always some other motive," he whispered.

She leaned closer to him, the glass nearly touching his face.

"The Alarei," she whispered.

Alarei...

He had went against himself for her. To not hurt her.

He opened his eyes, and looked into hers.

"Is it good?" he asked, whispering.

_Again the same compulsion. Touch his skin. His lips. Press hers to his. The glass still stopped her._

_To kiss him..._

Her eyes, nose, hair...lips. All of them beautiful.

Lips. He had wondered about them before.

A kiss.

What would it be like?

He had wondered, but had never felt a need to do so.

It fade away, as she turned her head.

She put her head down on his chest, and laid down next to him.

"Yes..."

He put his arm around her, and they slept.

Something good...


	25. Disbelief

How could he do this?

Take a geth with him? After all they had done to her people.

They had forced them to flee. To live inside the Flotilla.

And worst of all, to live inside the suits.

She could understand him waking it up, and even talking to it. It could have some useful intelligence.

But he took it with him? How could he?

An error message.

She slammed her fist to the console.

"Work, bosh'tet!" she snapped at it.

Stupid geth, it was it's fault she had made a mistake.

She heard someone nearing her.

"You okay, Tali?" Kenneth asked.

"No," she snapped, not turning away from the console "Go away! I have to fix this!"

Donnelly took a step back. Tali was usually very calm.

Or hot, depends on what you mean.

"Feeling feisty today?" he asked jokingly, hoping it would make her feel better.

At least she turned towards him.

"I like feisty, just so you know," he continued, while grinning.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

She imagined her fingers around Kenneth's neck, but not in a way he'd like. Then she imagined her fingers squeezing his neck, strangling him.

"Leave. Now," she hissed.

Connelly took another step back. She was serious.

"R-right. Sure. Sorry," he stammered, his hands up. He walked back to his station.

She kept staring him angrily as he went, then turned back towards the console.

Stupid error message. She couldn't fix it right now, so she decided to take a break.

* * *

She arrived to the mess hall. She took a tray, and put a plate on it. She didn't need a fork or a knife, since she only had to attach the air-tight, sterilized food package into her mask, then the suit would 'feed' her.

She sounded, and must have looked, like a freak. Even Garrus, who was the only other dextro, could eat normally. The thoughts didn't make her feel any better, actually they made her feel worse. Now she was angry, confused, and depressed.

"Hello, miss Zorah," Mess Sergeant Gardner greeted her friendlily, nodding.

"Hello, Rupert," she greeted him back, but with a lot less enthusiasm.

Gardner looked awkward.

"I...I'm sorry miss Zorah, but the purifier is broken," he said apologetically.

"Oh..." she moaned in disappointment.

Great. Food paste.

Apparently Gardner noticed her disappointment, since he raised his hands, palms towards her.

"Don't worry, we'll fix it!" he said quickly, and lowered his hands again.

"But you're gonna have to eat food paste until then," he continued, now lowering his head in shame.

First the geth, then the error, and now the food paste.

She had hoped that some good food might cheer her up.

Food paste. Not exactly cheering.

Sticky, tasteless paste, that got stuck inside your mouth, and was very hard to swallow.

But she was hungry.

"Give me a tube,"she said blankly.

Gardner tried to smile cheerfully, then placed a tube on her plate.

She looked at it, and even the sight of it made her feel even more depressed.

"Thanks," she said quietly and took the tray, looking for a free place.

The hall was pretty packed, but there was a free table on the other side of the hall. She started walking towards it. Walking through the mess hall was always terrible. Some men, and a few women always discreetly tried to stare at her, but she always noticed. The quarians, as well as the asari, seemed to be very interesting to humans.

But their interest made her just feel awkward.

She approached the table, then two crew members sat down at it, right before her nose. She stopped.

Great. She felt like slamming the tray to the floor.

"Tali!" she heard someone holler.

She turned towards the voice, and could see Garrus sitting at one of the tables.

She would have preferred to be alone, but it would have to suffice.

She sat down opposite to Garrus.

"You looked pretty lost. Something wrong?" he said, as she sat down.

Tali tossed him the tube of food paste.

"In addition to this?"

Garrus inspected the tube for a moment.

"I've never tasted this," he muttered, now turning towards her "Can turians eat this?"

Tali shrugged. She had never thought that anyone would want to.

"We have same amino-acids, so probably yes," she replied.

"Hmm," Garrus mumbled, and handed her the paste back "Could you leave me some?"

She stared at the food paste blankly.

"Sure," she replied, her tone blank as well.

Garrus continued eating.

"Legion bothering you?" he asked, while chewing on his food.

She lowered her head in defeat. Her tries to cover her feelings, by changing the subject with the tube, had not been very successful.

"Is it that transparent?" she asked.

"Can't figure out any other reason, since Shepard's not the moody one this time."

"I'm not moody!" she snapped.

She was just angry, depressed and confused.

"Whatever you say," Garrus chuckled.

Was she moody?

Wasn't moody acting childish? Was she acting like that? No. She was just going through her emotions by getting angry at everyone...

She moaned in defeat and leaned on the table, her hands supporting her head.

"I don't know why Shepard took that thing with us..." she muttered.

"Well, perhaps you should ask him," Garrus replied, still chewing.

"He doesn't need me to second-guess him. He already has that Miranda and the Illusive Man doing that job."

Garrus lifted his gaze from his plate, and stopped chewing.

"Aren't you like his girlfriend or something? He probably not only could use your opinion, but value it too."

Tali sighed.

"He probably knows what I'm going to say anyway," she said quietly.

"And what's that?"

She brushed him off.

"You know already what I think about this," she snapped.

She sighed again, and straightened her posture.

"He's the Commander. He knows what's best."

Garrus' mandibles started to flicker.

"Dashing Commander, don't forget that" he remarked, lifting one talon.

Tali punched him on the shoulder.

He grunted.

"Damn! I have stitches!"

"Maybe they should have stitched your mouth shut," she said mischievously.

* * *

She walked back towards her workstation again. Garrus had cheered her mood a bit, but she still felt pretty down.

And even more down..

She tried to open her omni-tool, but nothing happened. It was missing.

She had probably left it at her workstation. Stupid geth. Another mistake.

She entered the core room, and walked to her station. She looked around it, but didn't see the chip.

Where was it? Had she dropped it on the way to the mess hall?

She walked towards engineer Daniels. Connelly was somewhere. Good.

His remarks were especially annoying right now.

"Gabrielle, have you seen my omni-tool?" Tali asked.

Daniels turned towards her and wrinkled her brow.

"No," she said "You can't find it?"

Tali shook her head and kept glancing around.

"Has anyone been here while I was gone?"

Daniels' brow wrinkled again.

"Only Legion, the geth."

Tali's eyes narrowed.

"What was it doing here?" she asked

"Commander had allowed it to make improvements for our shields. It worked on your console."

Legion...

Tali immediately began jogging towards the A.I core. The geth had obviously taken her omni-tool.

She shuddered to think what it could find. The messages discussing plans to take back the homeworld, the blueprints of Fleet ships. The materials she had sent.

This could make the geth attack first, and even succeed. She may have been exiled, but she wouldn't let the geth to harm the Fleet.

She stepped inside the elevator, and send it to the crew floor. She slammed her fist against the wall.

"Faster you bosh'tet!" she yelled.

Stupid. So stupid. How could she just leave the tool so carelessly. She knew there was a geth on-board.

And why had Shepard allowed it to 'make repairs' or something? Didn't he trust her skills?

Why did he even take the damn thing with them?

She felt betrayed.

The elevator arrived, and she ran towards the med-bay. The whole mess hall turned towards her as she ran through it. The med-bay's doors opened, and she stepped in.

Doctor Chakwas turned towards her, but didn't speak, as Tali just ran past her.

The doors to the core opened, and Tali stepped inside.

Legion was standing in the corner, scanning one omni-tool with his own.

Tali felt her teeth clenching together, rage going through her. She unholstered her pistol, and pointed it at the geth.

"Give me my omni-tool. Now," she hissed.

She had never hated anyone as strongly as she did the geth before her. It had stolen from her, even though she had done nothing to it. Something she was going to rectify.

Legion turned it's head towards her.

"We cannot," it replied, with it's emotionless, robotic voice.

"Now!" she snapped, squeezing the trigger a little harder.

She hoped that the geth wouldn't give her the tool. She wanted to pull the trigger.

The doors to the med-bay opened. It was Shepard.

"What the hell's going on?" he asked.

Finally Shepard could see how untrustworthy those synthetics were.

"Good you're here Shepard. I caught _Legion_ scanning my omni-tool. It was trying to send something to the geth! It's betrayed us!" she emphasized the geth's name, as if it was the worst insult one could say.

"We have not. We merely wished to inform the Collective of the Creators' plans of attack," the geth defended itself.

Tali turned her head towards Shepard.

"If it does that Shepard, they're going to attack the Fleet! You can't let this happen!"

She didn't know if she could trust him anymore. He had made her work with that thig, and even allowed it to snoop around her workstation.

Tali kept glancing at both Legion and Shepard.

Shepard's face started to wrinkle, as if he was in great pain. Now he put his both hands on his face, then slided them down.

Tali couldn't understand his expression. Frustration?

He turned towards Legion.

"What are you doing, Legion?" he asked pleasantly.

Legion turned it's head towards Shepard.

"We are presently trying to send the information of the Creators' plans of attack to the Collective."

"Yes. Why?"

The geth blinked.

"The Creators are planning to attack. We need to be ready."

Shepard frowned "So you're going to kill each other?"

"Peaceful coexistence does not seem to be possible."

Shepard now crossed his arms.

"Okay. So when are the quarians going to attack?"

What was he doing?

"You can't let it sen--" Tali tried to interrupt, but Shepard raised one finger to silence her.

The geth blinked again.

"We do not have the exact date."

"So it's not final? It could be canceled?"

Legion tilted it's head, and the plates moved quietly.

"We do not see any way to cancel the attack. The geth believe in self-determination, but organics apparently do not. The Creators wish to destroy us."

"Self-determination?! You tried to bring Sovere-- " Tali again tried to interrupt, but was again silenced by Shepard.

"Shut up. Haven't you thought that maybe you could change it? Work as an emissary between the Collective and the Fleet?"

The geth blinked again, then was silent for a while. The geth thought at speed of light, so it must have been a difficult decision.

Tali lowered her pistol in shock. Why would the geth want to have anything to do with the quarians? Did Shepard know something that she did not?

"We had not seen this solution. However this platform is not programmed for such activities."

"Well, you can speak for the other geth. Isn't that enough?"Shepard said.

"What's going on Shepard?!" Tali yelled.

This time he would not silence her.

"I'll tell you soon! Sh--" Now Shepard was interrupted by Tali.

"No!" she yelled, and Shepard stayed silent, but a moment later he began to walk towards her.

He placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Let Legion answer the last question first, okay?" he said soothingly.

He was just going to manipulate her like this? And succeed?

Apparently yes, since she nodded.

Shepard let go of her, and turned towards Legion.  
"Legion?"

"Yes. We can communicate."

Shepard sighed.

"All right. Could you tell Tali the same thing about the planet Rannoch that you told me?"

"Acknowledged."

Rannoch? Their homeworld? What could Legion know about that?

Well, a lot, since it did live there, but what worth telling would it have? She couldn't understand any of this. Emissary? Rannoch?

Legion told her about the homeworld and the heretics. Apparently the geth did not live on Rannoch, but on space stations. They were just clearing it. Rannoch was a some kind of memorial for those that had fallen in the Uprising, both geth and quarians alike.

Cemetery? For quarians? Geth didn't hate them? But quarians hated the geth...

Maybe they had just expected for them to feel the same. They were enemies.

The hate towards the geth was probably the thing that kept the Migrant Fleet from disintegrating. A unifying element.

"I..I don't know what to say...b-but how do we know you're not going to kill us after we get there? You could be just making this up."

"We could ask the same of you. If the Creators believe to have a chance for victory, the probability of their aggression has been one hundred percent."

"We just did what we had to," Tali said strictly.

The geth tilted it's head.

"So did we."

She was starting to run out of arguments against this.

"You still didn't answer my question. You could be just making this up," she said coldly.

"The geth do not make things up. We believe in self-determination."

Now she had ran out of arguments. She did not know what to do. She had been raised to believe that they were the enemy,who wanted to destroy them.

Everything had turned upside down.

She looked at Shepard.

"What...I...I don't know what..."

Now she lowered her head.

The others. Would they accept this? There were those who believed in peace, like Zaal'Koris...but what about Han'Gerrel? Or Admiral Xen?

"It's not my decision, Shepard."

Shepard put his hand on her shoulder, and she looked into his eyes.

"I know," he said, then paused, smiling "but we'll find out who are, and contact them after the mission."

After the mission? After the suicide mission?

She felt her dead lowering again.

"You don' know if we even survive..." she whispered.

Shepard moved his hand on her chin, and tilted her head upwards. They looked into each other's eyes.

"I promise," he whispered, and raised his hand, as if swearing an oath.

She placed her hand on his and their fingers wrapped around each other.


	26. Love

***huff***

**Ta-daa**

**The end...  
**

**Thanks for all of you who have read this. You're the reason I kept writing this for so long, and the reason I will keep writing.**

**Woo...added a poll into my profile about the next fic...  
**

**And now: The climax:**

* * *

_Doors to the Captain's cabin opened.  
_

_It was probably only a few hours, before they arrived to the Omega-4 relay. The last few hours, possibly of their lives._

_She felt dizzy. The antibiotics were very powerful. _

_Her vision was blurry and the taste of the herbs still lingered inside her mouth. It was a horrible feeling.  
_

_She had never before...done this._

_The thought didn't make her feel any better.  
_

_She felt drugged, and hadn't expected that the first time would be like this..._

_It was weird, and disappointing, but she still wanted to go on. She hoped that it would get better...  
_

_She was so nervous. He often made her so, but not like this. Not this much...  
_

_What if she was ugly? What if he rejected her? The thought was painful._

_She knew he would not hurt her, but maybe he just couldn't be with her...maybe she was too different?_

_She desperately tried to shake off such thoughts, but they still lingered._

_But she would not know, if she didn't even try._

_Her fingers fidgeted against each other. Excitement mixed with nervousness. What would he say? What would it be like? What would he be like?_

_What would she be like?  
_

_It took all of her strength to open her mouth._

"Shepard," she greeted.

She lowered her head.

_Why did she still call him by his surname? Out of respect? Of affection? She couldn't think up one person, who would call him John..._

_Except she...  
_

_It felt intimate._

"I-I mean John," she corrected.

_The nervousness made her stammer. She wanted to look confident for him, to make him see how sure she was about about this._

_She wanted to do this, but was so nervous._

_There were risks, and she would take them without thinking...  
_

_But she didn't want to die._

Shepard turned around slowly, holding an OSD in his hand.

He tilted his head slightly. Was this it? Had she found the medications?

Now he was nervous.

He? Nervous?

If he was nervous, what did she feel? She was the one that was sacrificing everything. Maybe her life.

He wanted to punch himself. How could he have agreed to this? She could die.

But the longer as he looked at her, the more he wanted to kiss her, to touch her. Be with her.

He could feel his emotions wrestling with his logic.

She began to walk closer.

"I-I've taken some antibiotics, as well as some herbs, to strengthen my immune system."

_By every step, her heart seemed to beat more faster and the air seemed become more warmer._

_She was now in front of him, and reached for the OSD. She took it, and dropped it down. Be confident._

Shepard was surprised, when she took the disk. It was...sweet.

The thought was exciting.

His emotions were starting to win.

She raised her head from the OSD, and looked into his eyes.

"I-I would have brought music...but I-I didn't know what you'd like. I just mean...I-I've done all I can. I found the antibiotics and herbs easily, and it was not too much trouble. It's not like...I just..."

She lowered her head down again.

_At least she didn't stutter. Much._

"I'm babbling like an idiot," she said quietly.

Babbling was good.

His emotions were gaining the upper hand.

One more thing...

He pressed his forehead to hers, and could see her eyes staring at his.

He placed his hand on her cheek, and stroke the side of her helmet.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, quietly.

"Yes," she answered quietly.

_She'd never been more sure about anything._

"I'm not asking you to do this..." he whispered.

_Of course he wasn't. He never asked for anything..._

Now she moved her hand on his, squeezing it.

"You don't have to..." she whispered.

His emotions triumphed, he wanted her...

So much.

So he followed her.

_It was going to happen. Finally.  
_

_She could feel a tear falling down on her face._

_Her face._

_She hoped it would please him._

She began walking backwards towards the bed, pulling him from his hand.

"I-I've minimized the risks, but I'm still nervous. You know how it makes me talk too much," _she continued babbling, fearing for his reaction._

They sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I-it's a defense-mechanism, and it's stupid. B-but Q-quarians just see the helmets so we have to be clear about what we're fe--" she was silenced by his raised finger.

"Hush," Shepard whispered, placing his finger on her helmet's glass. "Show me what you're feeling..."

Her hands shook when she took his, guiding them to the sides of her helmet. His hands opened it.

_There was a quiet hiss when the helmet opened. The air tasted different, but she didn't care about that._

_ The glass was still in it's place. Her teeth clenched together. Tears fell down on her face._

_Please, please don't reject me. Don't break my heart. Don't...  
_

He took the sides of the glass, and gently removed it. He placed it on the floor.

He chuckled in disbelief. Her face. He could finally see it.

Her eyes were shut, and she was crying silently.

Crying? She shouldn't have to cry. Her pain pained him. A tear fell.

He moved his hand to her face, wiping away the tears with his thumb. Then his fingers passed through her brow, her nose...then her lips. His fingers lingered there, and he leaned closer.

"Don't cry," he whispered, and his lips touched hers. He closed his eyes.

So beautiful.

_Kiss...her first kiss. Even more tears fell. He didn't reject her...she could not believe it. _

_But she didn't care,she just wanted to kiss him.  
_

Shepard pulled himself slowly off, and wiped away the new tears from her face.

He smiled.

"So beautiful," he whispered, and another tear fell down on his face.

Now she opened her eyes.

"You really think so?" she whispered.

_She could not remember him ever telling her so. She felt pretty._

_She wanted to stop the tears, but couldn't. Happy tears.  
_

"The most beautiful girl I've ever seen..." he whispered.

_A girl..._

_Not an alien..  
_

_She lost control._

_She lunged at him, and he fell down on the bed, she on top of him._

The next kiss was much more passionate, much more longer. He stroked her back, then her neck. It felt extremely good.

They did not know how long the kiss lasted, but neither of them wanted it to end.

It finally did, but their faces were still very close together.

"John," Tali whispered.

Her eyes closed, and again tears fell.

_She finally knew what all of this meant._

"I think I love you..." she said quietly.

The words sounded beautiful, and Shepard felt another tear.

Love...was this love? His feelings towards her? His caring?

It felt like it, maybe it always had.

He smiled, stroking her cheek.

"I think so too..."

She opened her eyes, and he could see her smiling. For the first time.

* * *

**Question: Wrote two flashbacks for Tali :Freedom's progress, and the Citadel's ambush-corridor-wards place.**

**Meant to happen before she steps inside the cabin.  
**

**Wanted to put them in, but didn't feel like they fitted. This chapter is important, so I didn't want to ruin it.**

**Can add them in, or publish them later.**


End file.
